settling in Cincinnati

I hope there's not a double meaning to my title...eh?!

Was just reading this satirical article from "Out of Ur"...

We’ve had some good input lately on why we’re not seeing church planting movements in the developed world to the same degree we’re seeing in the global south. If that’s the case, we need to find something to do while nothing’s happening. Here are 20 suggestions for what to do while we’re not multiplying churches.
1. Call yourself an apostle. Have some business cards printed. Hand them around.
2. Throw lots of money at subsidizing unhealthy, declining churches.
3. Throw money at “experimental missional initiatives” and never evaluate their effectiveness.
4. Set goals for multiplying new churches but don’t make it clear who is responsible to accomplish the goals.
5. Make someone responsible but don’t give them any real authority, discretionary time, or funding. Change the appointment every two years. After ten years, save money by retiring the position and making everyone else responsible.
6. Appoint a committee to undertake a study and write a report. Wait three years then do it again.
7. Hire a consultant to undertake a study and write a report. Wait three years then do it again.
8. Appoint the wrong people to plant churches. When they fail conclude that church planting doesn’t work.
9. When you see a healthy church plant say, “Yes it’s growing but it’s not really a (choose one) Reformed/Baptist/Assemblies of God/Presbyterian/Methodist/New Vine/etc. church.”
10. Require pioneering leaders to be theologically trained before they can plant a church.
11. Throw your best leaders at your biggest problems, not at your greatest opportunities.
12. Watch pioneering leaders exit your movement and then comment on their lack of commitment.
13. Reward pioneering leaders with promotions. Get them away from the front line. Harness their drive to keep the institutional wheels turning.
14. In the 1960’s change the word “missions” to “mission.” To usher in the new millennium change “mission” to “missional.” Around 2010 plan to change “missional” to “postmissional.”
15. Agree to plant new churches when: (a) You’re large enough (b) You’re healthy enough (c) You have the leaders to give away (d) You have the money to spare (e) God has clearly shown you it’s time (f) When the cow jumps over the moon.
16. Run workshops on church planting. Hold conferences on church planting. Offer a course at your theological college on church planting. Do nothing to follow up with the people who show an interest. Make sure only experts get to teach. Keep the practitioners away from the students. Keep the students in the classroom.
17. Grow your church, facilities, staff, and budget as BIG as you can. Let your vision stop at your car park. Let church history end with you. Let the Kingdom dream die.
18. Set ridiculous but catchy sounding goals like “500 in 5 years,” or “2,000 by 2,000.” Three years after the target date expires set new goals. Don’t forget to change the dates!
19. Modernize your theology, then postmodernize your theology. Remove evangelism and church planting from the centre of God’s mission in the world. When decline hits make sure the paid professionals are the last to feel the pinch.
20. Lastly, set up a blog on church planting. Link to other bloggers on church planting. Be sure they link to you. Add smoke and mirrors.

New Templates for BLOG and LIFE

Yeah...I've been wanting to change the look of this thing for awhile...but just now figured out the right buttons to push. I fear that there's some kind of anti-technological impulse which is dulling my IT senses.

Right now I'm reading Neil Cole's Organic Church and finding at least half of what he says to be quite good (that's really not a bad percentage in my opinion). I should withhold some judgment and cynicism until I've completed it...but I competely agree with his observation (which is shared by many) that the traditional church (and I suppose we'll let the readers decide whether or not theirs fits the bill) way overemphasizes the Sunday worship "event." I think McClaren describes it as traditional vs. missional (thanks, Scott!)

Although the church we are stepping away from (as employees and members) is a terrific church...healthy and vibrant by most standards...I still had this gnawing sense that we were very event driven in each ministry area. And I don't even know if that can be avoided when a church reaches that size (big...mega even). But it is so draining to come through a busy season in ministry and have this aching emptiness in your gut because you wonder what really happened? Was anyone's life just radically transformed by the resurrected Christ? Were sick people made well? Were the "poor and oppressed" rescued and delivered? Did anyone pass over from death to life?? Or did I just keep the machine running? Satisfying the expectations at a reasonable level?

I really have no idea what the next few months hold for us when it comes to church, ministry, or just simply...life. But simple sounds quite good.
Simple...
organic...
relevant...
authentic...
communal...

Now is our chance to travel a different road, explore some other models, and figure out how to experience God in deeper and richer ways.

Yeah...no kidding! It's a great time to make the bicycle my primary mode of transportation...except that this part of the globe is so warm...my gum's are melting.

Community & Coffee Talk

Leaving a community and/or church is painful...even when the relationships are under-developed. I suppose I've been a little blindsided by the pain of this decision and transition to leave Dayton. After being in Columbus for about 8 years...it wasn't this painful to pack up and leave. But that's probably because we'd been through a steady two-year progression which led to our move last summer.

What I'm taking from this experience is that there exists within our relationships and community a sense of the not-yet, or the "what might have been." Perhaps the value of that concept has escaped me until now. Although we've been through a short ministry stay before (8 or 9 years ago), for some reason it didn't have near the impact of this one. We've really been amazed at the generosity and support we've received from these "infant" relationships.

Fortunately, I've been warmly received by the green siren and the familiar family of Starbucks partners. It's kind of disturbing how much I've missed pressing that first sample of a Black Apron Exclusive coffee. But it looks like I'll need to start leading an internal effort to get the corporate coffee master back on track with its commitment to the environment and sustainable agriculture. According to this article on the Organic Consumer Association's website, Starbucks is holding out by using hormone-tainted milk. Why is it that I would be less offended if you attack my faith than my java supplier?! I guess I DO need some professional help.

To the Monastery

I've really been enjoying the articles from Out of Ur (by Leadership).

I was just reading the one published today, Spiritual Formation: we’ve already got a proven model, but do we want it?

Here's a great quote from the author who is being questioned about trends and models of spiritual formation...

“It’s a proven model,” I pointed out, “a model that includes everything we know
brings about transformation. What would happen to your life” (I was now turning
the question on them) “if you lived in close geographical community and
relationship with other people; if you lived in submission to authority; if you
practiced silence and simplicity and discipline; if you regularly read the Bible
and prayed and meditated on what you read; if you made study part of your life;
and if you worked hard in some daily occupation, seeing your labor as full of
dignity and offering it to God?”

That's where I'm headed...to the monastery! Actually, I still don't know what it will look like. A house church? A small group of people from a church? An extended family gathering and drawing friends and neighbors into the mix? I really don't know, but I know it's time to stop posting, dreaming, and analyzing and to actually engage in it.

Seasons of the Soul

Many of those seeking to be reconciled to and embraced by God have described their experiences with the metaphor of seasons. Whether or not we use the right metaphor, it does seem (now that I have a longer timeline to look back on) that we navigate various spiritual seasons along the way.

I suppose what is most interesting to me as I think about my current season, is that stepping away from a position of ministry and religious service may actually coincide with a spiritual awakening and rebirth. Although I'm stepping away from a great church with what I've learned to be a very healthy group of leaders and people...I feel as though I'm feeling some things begin to thaw deep within.

My passions are being redirected. I want to live well, rest well, play well. I want to enjoy the best years of my marriage and family. I want to thoroughly enjoy my beautiful daughters and see them enjoy life as well. I want to develop deep Kingdom-level relationships with a few and learn how to live with (rather than for) the resurrected Christ. Yeah...the landscape is definitely changing and Spring is in the air of my soul.

House Church

Just had an encouraging conversation with a friend. Thank God for those, eh?!

Part of our discussion included our mutual interest in the "house church" as the kind of community we would both like to experience. I've had limited contact with those who are experiencing such an environment of koinonia and charis. As always, it's difficult to discern what one might be drawn towards simply in reaction to the contemporary church experience which is so prevalent in evangelicalism right now (and especially our own tribe/denomination).

I just think there's so much about our current church model which doesn't connect to genuine Kingdom living or even get integrated into one's daily life. It's an alternative environment one steps in and out of. And most parents are very disconnected from the spiritual responsibility for their own children. Is it better to shuttle our kids to the biggest program in town and abdicate much of our parental calling to others?

Good Point

In a recent article from Out of Ur , the author ends with this:

"Nevertheless, in my mind, if we are going to pick on Potter, we must pick on Pirates. Otherwise, perhaps Christians should keep their mouth shut about both."

I think it's a good call for consistency. This is certainly one of the great hypocrisies of Christianity and religion in general...inconsistency. You could probably say the same for issues of homosexuality and poverty or aids crisis. Which of these issues are more important? But which issue gets the most evangelical attention?

From Deep Waters

I was reading in 2 Samuel 22 this week (thanks to my pastor) and reflecting on the concept of God as 'my rock.' In my mind, I conjured up this image of a solid outcropping of rock just being pounded by waves. Actually, the image of that French lighthouse comes to mind...the one where the guy is standing there and the waves are crashing against the back of the rock and lighthouse and swirling on either side.

Anyway...I began to picture myself in the waters just around this solid rock. Whether I jumped in or slipped I don't know...but I'm in that deep water. Often the most dangerous place to be (in an ocean setting) is just a few feet away from a big rock or reef like that. Then the wind and waves pound you against the rock, doing quite a bit of damage. So I'm close enough to the rock to get dashed against it...but not close enough to benefit from it's support and shelter.

Then verse 17 of 2 Samuel 22 alters the image...

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me..."

then verse 47...

"The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock!

Exalted be God, the Rock, my Savior!"

I'm still struggling for clarity...but it's good to have the Rock back under my feet.

No Peace at all

Oh my God ...
(and I mean that literally not flippantly)
what must a soul do to get some clarity and direction?!

The last couple of days have been very trying.
And this could get ugly so click on to your next little blog stop if you were looking for something a little more positive.

I just feel like the psalmist when he would lament "How long, oh Lord...How long?!"
Except I may add a few explicatives to let Him know I'm not just quoting the psalms...I'm serious. Does anyone else occasionally use profanities when you pray? I hope that's not just me.

Hopefully I'll soon arrive at the peaceful resolution of "yet will I ever praise and trust..."

instead of the current...

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me?" (Psalm 22:1)

HOPE For The FLOWERS

So I'd love to comment some more on World Cup Soccer...but I don't want Gregor to stop visiting my blog. But how about those Black Stars from Ghana?! They are definitely out of the running...but they made a good effort against Brazil in their first-ever WC appearance.

Okay, now on to today's brain fodder. I recently read this little book by Trina Paulus (which takes every bit of thirty minutes) and was captured by the imagery and simplicity. If only I had been supplied with some of this metaphor and language earlier in my journey! (Thanks to JR for introducing me to the story since I missed the opportunity to hear it first-hand from Rick)

The story unfolds with two main characters...Stripe & Yellow. They are both caterpillars and eventually find themselves caught up in the frantic attempt to climb a pillar of caterpillars which reaches up into the clouds. Eventually we find out that the pillars are just meaningless mindless frantic climbing. Yellow discovers the secret of the chrysalis while Stripe ventures off to conquer the pillar once more. Again, Stripe is devastated to find out that at the very top of the pillar awaits nothing of value. And I supposed I shouldn't share this much of the story in case you want to read it for yourself. But the simple point of the story has dealt what might be a final deathblow to my paradigm of ministry and religious activity.

And speaking of "hope"...this word keeps buzzing around my head and into my life...like a majestic winged creature inviting me in to my own chrysalis of transformation.

Here's a tribute to the one who has personnified this word and its cause for a whole community:



Hope : : Elpida
There is a tree that grows on my armIt’s for a friend, an eternal marring of my flesh for his.
A beauty mark, intentional, not God-given
A gift from a friend who speaks beauty through his hands.
A solidarity sign stretched across my skin.
Blood brothers united in heart years ago now visible to all Brothers in arms.
Rooted in Elpida, Lovely leafless limbs smooth and supple as veins
Climb quietly like ivy clinging to skin and bone
Growing toward my heart where he now resides.
This tree grips, grips my arm,
12 leaves for 12 friends coupled, man and wife
12 leaves for the healing of nations
12 leaves for Yahweh wins.

I hope in God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost. Now and Forever I hope.
No ounce of regret not one single ounce.
Yahweh wins.
Yahweh wins.
Yahweh wins.

I pledge allegiance to his cause.

(read at Mark Palmer's memorial service)

World Cup Action

I've never watched an entire soccer match in my life! Suddenly I'm tuning into at least one match per day or setting my DVR to catch the action so I can speed-view it later. (I love DVR by the way...what an efficient way to watch TV)

It's pretty amazing what these guys can do with a soccer ball! As I was watching the Argentina-Mexico encounter of round 2, this Argentinian made an amazing goal. One of his teammates sent him a long pass...he caught it with his torso and settled it just enough to drop it in position and kick a goal before the ball ever touched the ground. It reminded me of the Tiger Woods trick where he's bouncing the ball on his wedge and then swings and connects with the ball as it drops.

It was, of course, disappointing to see USA's inability to really get into any kind of rhythmn...I think it's time for a new coach.

Since soccer was not even offered when I was a kid in school, I just never really appreciated the game until now.

Extreme Decisions

I just have this feeling that some extreme decisions are in our near future...like this extreme decision of a family in Seattle (read about it here). As I think more about social justice, stewardship of our environment, personal economics, and other issues that greatly affect community and neighbor (global or next-door), I am determined to pursue a lifestyle of authenticity and conviction. We have so few moral and biblical convictions in our culture and society. It just makes me want to take a stand...even if it's just for not using so many disposable paper products or lowering our contribution to global warming (which I actually believe is a real problem for the first time in my life).

There are some other extreme decisions which I'll have to post-pone any posts for now...but mega props to the Durning family for making such a radical change of lifestyle for a mostly-good cause (perhaps they wouldn't have made the decision if the 19-year old had not totalled the family car).

I am so curious right now about some of these kinds of decisions which if embraced by a critical mass of people would have huge economic and sustainability effects on families and cultures around the world (like buying fair-trade, eating organic foods, lowering one's indebtedness, etc).

The Allusion of Authenticity

Just had another stirring conversation with a good friend in ministry which proved to be humbling and convicting. It's the second time in a week that ministry peers have accused me of being authentic. The painful reality is that over the past year...my authenticity quotient has dropped severely.

Now I don't mean that to be a completely negative reflection on my current church or ministry affiliation (although a bit of that would be unavoidable after the previous statement). What it actually reflects is my compromise in non-negotiables and core values in ministry. I've neglected to put the necessary boundaries in place to protect my family and my own spiritual and emotional health. Now I'm paying a severe price. And those around me will be hurt in various ways as a result of my conformity.

My extended family has been an amazing encouragement during this time! Kudos to the brothers Bean and my wonderful parents.

Highlander Grogg

So I finally found a nice little coffeeshop here in Beavercreek with decent coffee. And I've been introduced to Highlander Grogg. It's a flavored coffee...but I'm enjoying it anyway. The coffee purist in me is often repulsed by the chemical alteration of the bean's natural flavor...but occasionally, someone stumbles upon a decent combination.

Also, the owner of this little cafe (Pete...not from San Francisco notoriety) has the free wi-fi up and running which is another good draw. The only drawback so far is that there's a TV blaring in the background in place of some good conversation-supporting ambient music of some sort (like Miles Davis, Cold Play, or the sounds of Motown). But if you're in Beavercreek...it's worth a visit (behind McDonald's and beside Papa Johns).

Stirring Conversations

I spent a few days this past week bumping into several friends. Some were old friends from college...some were acquaintances from a good many years in youth ministry. First of all, I must admit that I experienced a certain uneasiness every time a nominal friend in ministry would welcome me back to the fold...expressing their pleasure that I had found my way back to youth ministry.
From the other perspective, I was equally disturbed by the discussions I had with closer friends who expressed some confusion at my recent transition. That has caused me to engage in some very intentional reflection on my journey of recent months and years. In fact, it lead me back into the archives of this blog. From there I can see that my transition from Starbucks back into a traditional setting of youth ministry (in a megachurch no less) made very little sense.

Ouch! The realization of my own blindness and compromise has sent me reeling. Although, if I were to be quite honest...not a day has gone by over the past ten months that I didn't suspect a mistake and error in judgment. That brings me to a precarious spot. Suffice it to say...making the right decision is easier the first time. And clarity is a rarity!

dysfunctional faith

Have you ever had the painful yet liberating experience of encountering your own dysfunctions? That's been happening for me in spiritual ways over the past few months. If I understand the dynamics of dysfuntion...it basically provides some definition for the destructive or unhealthy ways in which we may have been conditioned to live and relate to others.

Well, I'm finding that I learned some fairly unhealthy ways of relating to God. I don't think there was any intentional misguiding...just a lack of guidance. And that's not to say that I didn't have supportive, Christian parenting...because I did. And I was brought up in the church, circumcised on the eighth day (or even before), a Nazarene of Nazarenes! But therein lies one of my main issues. In the absence of a mentor or spiritual guide...the institution of the church became my mentor. Thus in a substantially unhealthy way, my growth as a Christian and in relationship with God became completely intertwined with my activity and participation in the church (local and beyond).

I have a feeling there are many who could claim this sort of "dysfunction" because it is probably the natural process to follow in the absence of intentional mentoring and discipleship. Now at this stage of my life and ministry...I am having to relearn some basic ways of relating to God. No longer can I skate by on the activities and duties of ministry and church life...hoping that the spiritual formation will happen as a natural by-product of preparing to share the gospel with others. The "being" MUST precede the "doing!" My contentment and satisfaction must be completely rolled up in the person of Christ and not attached to anything else.

Back To It

Okay, I'm not sure what happened there for a few months...so let's get back to it.

As I read over my usual feeds from bloglines , I have several different topical pathways to take. From origami to lesbian priests, the possibilities are endless.

However, the thing that has me a bit fired up (from Tony's article at Out of Ur as well as from personal experience) is the tendency of those within the church to be so good at drawing lines and creating boundaries. As I read mechanical responses to passionate attempts at "conversation", I just have this question that keeps coming to mind? Do we think we're modeling Christ when we do everything within our persuasive grasp to convince other's that we're right and they're wrong??

I feel like like I'm in some netherworld of ambiguity between evangelical orthodoxy and emerging discovery. That's certainly not to say that I've walked away from anything or that I'm looking for some new label that's cool and let's me smoke a pipe and drink some thick dark German beer. It just means I'm questioning, searching, hoping to redefine, begging for our orthodoxy to be relevant in this new world.

And it seems to me, if we're going to follow Christ...we should err on the side of inclusivity. Didn't Jesus seem to include some people that the church of his day didn't want to be cozy with? Didn't Jesus extend salvation is some fairly unorthodox ways? The theif on the cross, the woman at the well, the paralytic who just wanted to walk...I don't recall any of them reciting the sinner's prayer or filling out an application for Kingdom membership.

Let's just entertain the thought that God can do His job and we can do ours and not get the two confused.

The Silence Continues...Mostly

My silence, that is. Interesting though...got wind of some terrible news today regarding a friend in ministry...seems like God brought something to mind which I need to ponder. Is it just me or does God seem to have a very indirect style of communication??

blogfatuation

I knew it couldn't last...the online affair with reflection. The passionate flame of flirtatious posting has cooled and what was once satisfying has become dry and routine. Don't worry....it's not you...it's me.

Spiritually Spinning the Wheels

That's a bit what I'm feeling right now. As I break away from some old patterns of relating to God and try to re-learn some things about being a disciple...I can't help but feel like I've been spinning my wheels much of the past ten years. In my times of studying Scripture and looking over some old journal-type things I realize that I'm struggling with many of the same things as I did years ago. Like trusting God...and being able to hear His voice...giving Him ultimatums as I try to determine what He's leading me to do...etc.

It's quite sad to realize that my relationship with God has been very functional and utilitarian over the years. I've been missing the passion of that love relationship God desires from His little yard apes! John 8:47..."the reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God." Ouch!

But now it's difficult to reprioritize the relationship without the lingering sense of...hurry up and connect so I know what to do! I need to find that daily place of "quiet waters" and sanctuary.

Paradise and Politics

I was just catching up on some blogs and stumbled across some good dialogue on BTaylor's blog.

The topic was interesting to me because I had just listened to someone the other day talk about the percentage of people on the planet which he thought would end up in heaven. The guess-timate was 10% or less. As this person went on to express a fairly narrow (fundamental, dogmatic, etc) evangelical Christian perspective...it really roused some passionate feeling within me...namely, anger. Now I'm not wanting to espouse some kind of universalist's theory of atonement...but can we leave some room for God to be gracious here? When Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the life..." could it be that there are some ways to come at Christ and Truth apart from traditional Christian processes?

I even had the startling notion or impression that I might not want to identify with a God who would just condemn someone to eternal separation from God because they were born in a muslim nation in Africa rather than in the Bible belt of America?! Which leads into the other topic at BT's blog. And on that one (politics of war etc) I've just got to say...our understanding of the Kingdom and Christianity has gotten WAY too enmeshed in our patriotism.

Embarassing Confessions

First of all, I'm not going to hit that 200 mile mark this week. Maybe next week! But that isn't my "embarassing confession."

Here it is...so I've been a follower of Christ since I was about five years old. The middle school years were especially turbulent in spiritual ways, but by my freshman year in high school, I was really intent on pursuing God and living a life "worthy of the gospel." There were some serious landmarks and victorious stretches in that journey, but I've experienced something this past week that I'm humbled to admit.

Today will mark a 6-day stretch of fairly uninterrupted spiritual focus. I know that the spiritual life is not measured by checking off boxes of devotions, prayer, scripture reading, church attendance, etc...but the intimacy I've experienced with the Father, Son, and Spirit this week has been intense! Perhaps it indicates that I've finally reached a point of brokenness and despair which has convinced me to, at long last, abandon the remaining bastions of self-centeredness and self-reliance?! Even if that has played a part, I completely realize that this 'turn' is not some kind of self actualization but rather an indication that grace is present and God is at work. Philippians 2:13 says "It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose." The Christian life really is about trusting and resting!

The confession??
I can't remember the last time I experienced an entire week of uninterrupted intimacy with God! Why is that embarassing?? Well...I'm a pastor...I've been a Christian for 30 years...I've been attempting to lead others to a place I've not been.

For all those who are grieving for the Palmers...my prayers have been with you. When I received that news, it impacted my spirit deeply. What a personal loss for so many. But what a Kingdom thinker!

Back on the bike

Ahhh! It's good to be back on the bike. I'm shooting for a 200-mile week. Moses had this "tent of meeting" that he would frequent when he needed direction from God. I have a "bike of meeting!"

Personal Relationship with a Communal God

One of the blogs I've been frequenting lately is connected with Leadership journal and you can check it out here. It's called "Out of Ur" and some of the recent posts have been captioned "Pimping Jesus..." The article from yesterday(or today...if it was posted from Manila) struck a chord with me because of the challenges I have faced recently with trusting God. Have we over-americanized God into some kind of self-help buddy who needs to aid us in our continual efforts to remove tension, conflict, and suffering from our lives?

I certainly agree that our relationship and intimacy with God has a personal component but I think that has been the very thing which led me for many years towards my current crisis. Had I been cultivating more authentic and accountable relationships, through whom I may have received greater guidance, counsel, and care...perhaps I would now be more attuned to the kind of wisdom the Spirit is guiding...with less need for the process of being broken.

Trust Issues

Okay...so I can mouth the words "I trust you," or tell inquiring and concerned souls that I'm learning to trust God with some things. But I have this deep sense that I'm not fooling anyone here. When you're seriously doubting God's care and provision in your life...is it simply a matter of saying "Okay, God...really...I trust you!!" Maybe exlamation points will make it true.

The only thing making sense to me right now are Rob Bell's words recently on the temptation of Jesus. He talks about how the enemy was trying desperately to undermine Jesus' identity as the Son of God. And that's what mister deception is trying to do to me as well...convince me that I'm not really who I think I am or thought I was.

Way Too Much Drama

Man, I hate that the drama surrounding our family right now is exerting this grotesque energy-sucking inertia on anyone within a 15-foot radius. I remember when people used to ask that superficial "How ya doin?" and I could honestly answer, "Fine...you?" Now when people innocently ask that question...I have this nearly irrestible desire to be honest! What a funk to be living in. The black hole of our house-selling dilemma continues indefinitely. Fortunately, our car repair issues have been resolved. That was a God-thing!

Or was it? Can we just automatically attribute good circumstances to God? Can we assume that when the _ _ _ _ hits the fan that it's God's way of setting him up to do His God-thing? I wonder how many times I attribute something to God's intervention in my personal crisis and He's thinking...hey, don't flatter yourself. I don't know...

Good Time For a Bike

Eventually, I hope that I can join the ranks of those committed cyclists who stick to their wheels regardless of the weather. I've been rather reluctant to do much cycling during our cold and inclement weather patterns here in Ohio. Another issue is living in an area which is not bike friendly unless your on one of the bike paths. And fortunately, there are many miles worth of path riding in this community...but that doesn't always help when it comes to commuting and avoiding car dependence.

Yet, financial concerns are going to force my hand...or legs rather. It's almost to the point where you just begin to laugh in the face of adversity because the onslaught is so continuous. In the last six months, we've had about $3200 worth of car repairs and auto emergencies. I suppose that's the price you pay for having older paid-off vehicles. Fortunately, the in-laws covered one repair. Then we actually had an emergency fund in place to cover the second repair. We went into debt for a third repair. And now, the final and most recent bill facing us is anywhere from $500-$1100, depending on if we want the vehicle drivable or safe? With our decision to destroy our credit cards and never take on another cent of debt in that form, the only option is really to downsize into a one-vehicle arrangement. If the rain, snow, and wind will let up...I'm game!

Boy...if I could be sixteen all over again and apply all the financial lessons we've learned just in the last 6 months...I'd literally be a millionaire by now!

My Heresy

I've had the recent humbling (and humiliating) experience of discovering some seriously flawed theology at work in my life. It basically boils down to the way in which I have tried to discern God's will and guidance for the past few years...perhaps even longer!

The interesting thing is that I've coached and encouraged others to do this stuff the right way, and then somehow blinded myself to my own misapplication of prayer and scripture.

The key realization in all of this comes from John 15 and Jesus' whole 'vine' discourse. Jesus says, "Apart from me you can do nothing." My practice of late has been to figure things out and develop my own solution for our difficulties and then proceed on that logic and analysis until God either blesses it or shuts a door or otherwise makes something clear. Apparently, you can't find that approach in Scripture anywhere.

So I need to be broken and brought to the brink so that I can relearn the art of trusting and waiting. My approach hasn't been working all that well for us, so why not try something different...like allowing God to take the initiative and then I'll follow Him?! Let's see how that works for the next ten years or so.

Art Explanation

For those wondering...(a few have asked)...a student took a picture of me and photoshopped the image you see in my profile. I'm not sure how he did it...but I liked the way it turned out because it's 'easier on the eyes' than my actual photo!

A Great Valentine's Evening

In the midst of an emotionally and physically hectic week, an evening reprieve with my bride of eleven years was a wonderfully romantic distraction. A leisurely meal together, a stroll through the mall, and a cinematic date with Harrison Ford's latest was the perfect combination. Of course, Ford's flick was predictable...I don't know when people are going to learn not to mess with Indiana Jones!? But we had some great conversation and it was good to leave the kids with the folks (thanks mom & dad!) and be alone together. That's right...I said "alone together." You know what I mean.

Unfortunately, the frequent byproduct of leisurely conversation and time together often supplies me with too much room for analysis and evaluation of life. For the marriage partner who loathes change and the insecurity of raising big questions...these kinds of conversations can put a damper on an otherwise delightful date. So although I'd scored a few points on presence, I probably lost a few on content. The level of difficulty of my routine was impressive though.

Speaking of Floods

A friend in youth ministry will be traveling with me to New Orleans and the gulf coast area next weekend. The desire to contribute in some way to relief efforts from the summer's hurricanes has been gnawing at me for the past few months. So I'm very excited to spend some time in the area and decide who we might partner with to lend a hand.

We had the opportunity to sign our students up for a couple of other mission trip options, but I've not felt good about any of them. One of the reasons for this has been a sense that so many mission trips and service projects turn out to be token conscience-comforting endeavors which fail to truly change our perspective of what it means to participate in community with people in need. I will also be meeting with an individual in the coming week who pastors a congregation in the heart of Dayton. For months now I've had a heavy sense of mission towards the community in which this church exists. I think a better way to approach missions and service is to develop an ongoing relationship with a group of people whose lives become woven into the fabric of our own. Not just token drive-by missions I want our students to develop a Kingdom lifestyle of meeting needs.

Rivers & Floods: I heard a great description of leadership over the past weekend which continues to soak my mind with the need for some change. The basic concept implies that many people are floods. Their lives are not channeled in one direction and purpose (like a river) but just heap up like a flood that has no real direction. My life is certainly in a flood stage right now. I'm distracted with personal financial issues, thoughts of future career and education, the current demands and expectations on my time and work, along with a gnawing absence of authentic community and relationships for our family. For purposes of ministry, family health, and personal peace...I need to channel my energy and focus in a specific Spirit-initiated direction. For various reasons, I have been unable to focus and forge ahead emotionally and spiritually. Let's just drive a stake in the ground, heap up a pile of stones and mark this point in the journey as a landmark of new beginnings. A life that floods its boundaries and moves in every possible direction causes damage in many ways. A river is useful...a resource for those around it...a means of getting from one place to another. That sounds a little more like it to me. It's been awhile since I've had a moment of clarity like this.

Flames of Heaven

I've been listening to Rob Bell lately and one of his messages has really challenged me. Actually, most of his teaching challenges, inspires, and enlightens me on various levels. If you've never heard of the guy, check out his website and you can download some mp3 teachings or just check out the Mars Hill community.

Anyway, the challenge has to do with the Kingdom of Heaven (not the movie) crashing into earth (our present kingdom) and whether or not that would be a good thing...as to its impact on the current state of affairs. And the Jewish concept of heaven was less geographical than it was an ideological reality. That's why it makes so much sense that the Kingdom could be right now and not just an eschatological concept or event.

The reason I find this so challenging is because I think most of us (evangelical church-immersed christians) overestimate how pleased God is with current level at which we're living out the Kingdom. We're quick to identify with Jesus and echo words of judgment for pharisees, religious biggots, and the like...but just how painful would it be if the Kingdom came crashing into my life right now. Would Jesus encounter me as a good-intentioned disciple who just needs to make some minor adjustments? Or would he start throwing things, cracking the whip and condemning my pathetic misguided attempts at Kingdom life? I just think we might often give ourselves too much credit. Why else would Christianity and the Church look so different from New Testament stuff?

My 100th Post

I had one of those kinds of days today which kind of lights your fire, you know? There are some exciting things going on...but at the same time...there's a chance some things just stagnate and start molding so to speak. But one of the things I realized, even as I was challenging students, is that our attitude and response to circumstances and to other people gigantically factors into how hopeful we feel about the immediate future.

There is such a thin line between frustration and fervor...despair and delight...anxiety and anticipation!

When you're on the wrong side of that equilibrium, how does one generate the emotional energy to alter attitude? Is it merely an act of the will? Is it chemical or biological? Is it an act of God...the Spirit's nudge on just the right endorphin?!

Cutting It Close

Well, I'm just a few hours away from potentially ruining my perfect workout attendance streak. Do I just punish myself for sleeping in by hitting the weights at 9pm or just combine today's weight training with tomorrow mornings aerobic thing? I guess we'll see what happens when I get home in about an hour.

I think it would be so much easier to stay in shape and exercise if we didn't have jobs, family, and pursuits of leisure all getting in the way.

And it would be easier to eat right if there were some healthy organic fast food restraunts out there. There's an idea...although the combo meal would jump from about $5 to $12 or $15 I imagine. But ocassionally, it might be worth it...driving thru for some Balsamic Salmon Salad or a BBQ Chicken Pita Pizza...with a side of low-fat cottage cheese.

Distractions

So I just shared a message/talk with a bunch of teenagers in Pennsylvania urging them to live a "one thing" life...free of distractions. That's obviously wishful thinking for any of us, but I find myself in that situation again...with a desire to cut out distractions and surplus activity in exchange for margin, peace, rest, community, focus, etc. It took me all of about 2 months to fall into the same grinding routine which characterized life and ministry pre-Starbucks. Will I have to return to my barista calling to put things back into order?!

As for my health and fitness efforts...I've done great on the workout/exercise routine. It's the 6 smaller meals a day I'm struggling with. I have no problem eating 6 times a day, but it's the 'smaller' part that's giving me fits. Overall though, I've certainly been eating a much better selection of healthy foods and my energy level, attitude, and morale is all quite high. One week down and eleven to go.

Tugging the Hamstrings

Dang'it...who knew dumbbell lunges would be so painful. I thought the lower-body workout day would be the easiest. I hope those strings on the back of my legs don't pop.

I haven't been as successful at changing the eating habits as I have been at the workouts, but it's still a gigantic improvement over where I've been the past few weeks.

I love how some "blast from the past" character occasionally drops a comment. That serves up a dish of nostalgia which is always welcome on the menu! Hope all is well! ('ang' and others)

Visited a health food store nearby yesterday...wild stuff! It's only a block away which is cool in case we decide to go all organic. From toothpaste to cat food...what an alternative lifestyle...appealing in a sadistic sort of way.

Well, it's nearing time for my 4th miniature meal of the day.

Good Flesh, Bad Flesh

It's interesting to me how much of a correlation there is between physical and spiritual things. After just two days of taking much better care of my body, the Spirit and the Mind begin to soar. I think we way underestimate this connection as Christians...which is why an obese Christian bigot can rant on some soap box spiritual issue without seeing the hypocrisy. (That came out a little more harshly than it previously existed in my mind, but I favor this footnote over deletion.)

I guess this correlation makes me think a little more deeply about food and eating habits. There must be much more significance to those choices than I've been led to believe to this point. So we need to distinguish between flesh and flesh...sarx and soma maybe? Taking care of the "temple" is not necessarily catering to the "flesh" but cooperating with the Spirit and Mind and the Image.

All that to say...I feel great!

Body for Life

So it's just about time I went through a physical fitness phase again. Typically, I don't get this urge around the new year, but for some reason...the timing is just about right. I've been feeling pretty negative about my body, energy level, waistline, and health in general for the past couple of months. Now I've reached that point where you finally decide..."I'm sick of this!" I went to put on a pair of pants on Sunday morning two weeks ago and couldn't even get the snaps close enough to see each other. I threw the pants to the floor in disgust. I attempted to briskly jog a short distance two days ago and when I got inside, someone commented "Were you running?" The truth is "no"...what I attempted could not be categorized as running, but the way my body & breathing were reacting, you would've thought I just finished a 10k. Anyway, it's not just physical discipline that is called for. My neglect of healthy nutrition and exercise is symptomatic of a lack of discipline in other areas as well. The spirit, emotions, mind, finances...all seem to rise and fall together to an extent.

As we were thrift store hopping the other day (which I'm kind of new to, but now will never pay retail prices again!), I came across a book called Body for Life for $.99. I couldn't resist. It looked kind of like all the other get fit, think positively kinds of books with corny before and after pictures inside the front cover. But I bought it anyway...and so far...it's been a great motivation. Don't worry...whether you like it or not...I'll keep you posted on the progress. So far, I have perfect attendance at my 6-day per week workout sessions. But that would certainly be due to the fact that it's day 1 of 84! If nothing else, I'll be in a little better shape when the cycling season comes around and it's time to ride across Indiana again!

"Merry Christmas" Defines Us?

In one of my other blogs (xanga), I was just responding to a friendly critique of my previous post. The comment was made...

Just to throw some "fuel on the fire" and allow me to play devil's
advocate; is this really an "either/or" thing? Can our zeal not be about the
issues of servanthood, social justice and "reclaiming christian territory"
through the protection of tradition? Does tradition have no place in the life of
a Christ follower?
I believe whole-heartedly in servanthood (I couldn't call
myself a "Christian" and not serve.) and I have long been a proponent of social
causes (that's partly the reason for my degree in psychology and the length of
service in Children Services. I believe that the church should be the first line
in addressing issues of social concern and welfare, NOT "the government" but, at
the same time, I believe we just might have a duty to hold to that which defines
us within culture...
Is nothing sacred? Is everything secular? Should there
be no line between the two. What defines them if not our approach to the
particulars??

I don't see a lot of examples in the Scripture where Christ was willing to fight a battle over words and "traditional" sentiment (merry christmas). We won't know Christians by..."they're the ones who buck the system and say Merry Christmas" but because of their love for one another and their redemptive presence in the community.

This whole Pennsylvania case over intelligent design is a biggie too. Why do we need to have our view of God, creation, and intelligent design validated by curriculum boards and legislatures? Can't we be Kingdom-minded and affirm the truth of what is already taught (not necessarily validating it completely mind you) and use that as the starting point for leading others towards ultimate Truth?

On the other hand...I'm not too thrilled that my first grader can cut, paste, color, and learn all about Hannukah...but not be allowed to appreciate or learn about Christian traditions of celebrating Christmas simultaneously. That's problematic for me.

The Holy War of Words Is On

I was just reading a friends blog as he ripped into a beautiful rant against James Dobson and a variety of other topics. I won't point you to his exact words since I did not ask permission, but he stirred my mind a bit more on some of these topics over which I've been stewing for several weeks. And it has to do with the way in which a great many Christians are responding to the anti-"Merry Christmas" crowd.

Don't get me totally wrong here (I guess I added that for all my Dobson-loving friends and family memebers) ...I can appreciate a small amount of the zeal with which some Christians are crusading (intentional negative connotation) against the "Happy Holidays" agenda. But the more I think about it, the more stirred up I become and want to say "what do you expect?" Does anyone honestly believe that Christ is the focus of Christmas in America?! And he has not been the focus for a very long time...if ever. Even in my own family, we attend services...adore the nativity scenes...and pre-empt our gift-opening orgy with a reading of the Christmas story...but does that Christianize all the materialism and self-centered behavior we call the Christmas season?

If we're going to reclaim some "christian" territory...let it have less to do semantics and more to do with servanthood and social justice. Do you think fighting this battle over Christmas greetings is going to make a positive and eternal impact on our communities for the Kingdom? Really?! It's time for the church to reclaim a biblical agenda and not a self-serving agenda.

Community of Thin Spots

In a Celtic understanding of spirituality, there exists "thin spots" which offer the greatest potential for experiencing the Divine. Celtic Christians adopted this understanding which can be seen in the many stone crosses and the location of abbeys near the mountains or the sea. These were seen as the "thin spots" where the barrier between natural and spiritual realms were thinnest. Another way in which the Celtic Christians worked out this concept was in the formation of monastic communities. These communities became centers of spiritual formation, education, prayer, and ministry.

I am currently attempting to define the concept of biblical community and re-imagine what it might look like in the lives of middle and high school students. A difficulty I'm finding in this process however is the intangible and ambiguous nature of community. I want to define it in terms of our relationships. But we experience varying levels of community within our interactions with others. And as I read Bonhoeffer's Life Together, I'm cautioned by his caveat that Christian community is completely based on our common experience of God's grace in and through Jesus Christ. His caution is especially not to expect too much from community or make it into something that is more social than spiritual (like warm fuzzies I suppose).

Why is this such a difficult concept to grasp and explain? Could it be that I've only had fleeting glimpses and experiences of true biblical community? That I don't even understand it from personal experience or present immersion? A part of me is somewhat timid about pushing this idea to its ultimate conclusion I must admit. I think to seriously live Life Together and teach others to do the same could mean a complete and radical interpretation of what youth ministry looks like. But I'm simultaneously intrigued with that thought...since one of the fears I have is that without a major change of paradigm, the present "machine" of youth ministry will just continue to produce idividualistic, isolated, consumer-minded Christians who continue to be in motion without meaning.

I'd love to hear some more thoughts on community...what it is? ...what it isn't? ...what it might look like at various stages of life and development?

Blogesthesia

I find myself anestetized and somewhat cynical as I read blogs and determine whether or not there's anything substantive for me to say today. That little piece of information will explain the infrequency of my posts and comments of late. It is very unfortunate since I am currently immersed in a few personal and ministerial struggles. These predicaments are quite unrelated, but I think we all know how emotional stress, physical fatigue, and spiritual dismay can overlap and compound one another.

One of the problems I am all too aware of is my need to unplug from the matrix of ministry for a few days and retreat. So weather permitting (or not permitting) I plan to lightly load the Gregory pack and take off on a few trails for a couple of days next week. Just the thought of the experience and anticipated solitude brings a surge of endorphins to my system. Hopefully I will have something worth sharing soon.

For those who would...please pray for a personal matter which is crushing us in several ways. We desperately need our house in Columbus to sell or for some amicable financial solution to present itself. Thank you!

What Would Jesus Cut?

In a weekly e-zine article I receive from www.sojo.net Jim Wallis includes this statement:

"Budgets are moral documents, and they reflect our national priorities and values."

Issues of economics were my biggest sticking point with Bush in the last election. Perhaps it had something to do with my Starbucks experience, but I came very close to casting my vote for John Kerry precisely on this point. The title of the above article which I referenced was something like...The Death of Compassionate Conservatism. And I must admit that current issues of social concern seem to be receiving inadequate attention from the religious right.

And I've been one to make the argument for allowing the church to tackle some of these needs rather than the government, but let's be honest...if 40,000 students get cut from a reduced-lunch program at their schools, our churches won't do squat about it!

Urgent Care, BP, and Parenting

I have often been accused of being one of those guys who shrugs a shoulder of apathy towards physical pain, sickness, and general issues of health. So after 3 separate injuries to my right foot over a span of about 2 months, I finally decided to visit Urgent Care this past week (since we don't have a family physician in Dayton yet). Although I have often been frustrated by the cycle of...Visit doctor--pay too much--doctor can't help...scenario, I yielded to what seemed like common sense and spent two hours and who knows how much money this past Tuesday evening getting some x-rays and mediocre medical care. The funny thing is, something turned up on the x-ray which the doctor was concerned about and it was nowhere near the area where my pain was. Fortunately, I did get to spend some time with Don Miller soaking in some more of his christian spirituality anectdotes. The other big surprise that evening was my BP (blood pressure of course). The numbers were quite a ways above any I've generated in the past. Which leads me to the last titular issue.

Parenting! Until about 2 months ago...I felt like a pretty good dad. I mean, sure, there's always room for improvement, but overall, no major dysfunction. However, after the last few weeks, I wouldn't be surprised to catch my girls blogging behind my back on mydadsucks.com We are in a down-right grueling phase or something. Fortunately, I suppose, it's not just me. Deb is experiencing the same kind of stuff. Obviuosly, the trauma of our recent relocation has taken a toll...but good grief! I know of plenty of other families who have bounced around with ministry, military, or whatever...and even they're a bit surprised at some of the things we're going through. So combining those issues with the demands of full-time youth ministry at a level I've never experienced before...and bingo...viola...high blood pressure?? I guess I'm getting to the age where you have to start thinking seriously about your health. What a bummer.

Perception

I find it kind of interesting that our perception of time can vary so greatly depending on our circumstances. For instance...I have had some weeks recently that seemed to fly by. Whether it was the level of satisfaction I experienced on the job, at home, in spending time with people, etc...from the start of the week on Monday (I know some people think of Sunday as the first day of the week...but my mind just doesn't break it down that way) to the middle of my day-off on Friday...I would just about swear that only 2 or 3 days worth of time had registered mentally. Other times (like this week), from 8am Monday until this moment (Wednesday evening at about 8:45pm) seemed to take about 8 days worth of energy and time. Sheesh! I just think it might be an interesting study for someone to write a doctoral dissertation about. So keep that in mind for those pursuing their Ph.D. anytime soon.
I guess it's been a long week because of some difficult conversations and some intensely stressful personal situations. When your emotions are fully engaged...the battery drains much more quickly. Fortunately, I've been able to spend some time with one who has endured much more than I ever will in this arena of emotion and psychological strain. The Gethsemane scene from the Passion of the Christ comes to mind. I'm reminded all I need is a little time in a "green pasture" or near some "quiet waters." Anybody know the way to one of those?

Sporadic Spiritual Spin

Many of you know that I have a rare condition known as alliteritus. I feel the sickening need to alliterate whenever possible. I've thought about counseling, hypnosis, inner healing prayer...but then again...perhaps it's just my "thorn of the flesh."

Seriously, though...I was just blogging on Xanga which is where I connect more with students in our youth ministry. Here's what I was saying in that blog-arena...

"I have another question...selfishly motivated a bit...but worth considering I think. What are the ways in which we most deeply connect with God...the Divine...the Creator...Heavenly Father...the Spirit...the Son...etc? I would certainly be the first to admit that in the pursuit of connectedness with God...some days (weeks, months, even years) are better than others.
Lately, I tend to really connect with God in a variety of ways. Cycling for a few strenuous hours seems to position me to really converse with God and reflect on life. Just sitting back on this sweet couch in my office with a hot cup of sumatra seems to provide a God-friendly moment. Chasing my daughter around the tennis net while Deb and I try recreate nostalgic courtship moments (pun alert) gives me this sense of wholeness and purpose. Watching a room full of students authentically worship God around the glow of candle light...that definitely connects me with my creator.
The problem is...we tend to unplug ourselves from God as much as we plug into Him creating this frustrating cycle of sporadic spiritual spin...argh! (that's an old comic book word) So back to my question...what are the ways in which you deeply connect with God and stay connected?"

And I have a tendency to deal with the same issues personally as I'm processing them in the context of ministry (with students or others). One of the greatest challenges of ministry in the context of speaking and teaching others is what I would call internalization. In order to passionately communicate a truth or principle to someone else, I have to own it...believe it...consume it...and live it. So I'm wrestling with this issue of deeply connecting with God. I wholeheartedly believe in the power of spiritual disciplines and contemplative practices for positioning us to encounter God...but there's also a bit of mystery in it. I hesitate to give anyone the idea that you can follow these 5 steps and presto...intimacy with God.

Anyone have some different thoughts on this thought of deeply connecting with God and helping others do the same?

Candy-Coated Christianity

I was just surfing around and found Erwin Mcmanus' new project. The tagline for the book is "the greatest enemy to the movement of Jesus Christ is Christianity." As I was admiring someone else's journey the other day, it occurred to me that Jesus might be quite ticked off about what is passing for Christianity these days. It forces me to evaluate my own "version" of Christianity as well.

AIDs...poverty...hunger...injustice...aiding victims of natural disasters...there are plenty of opportunities to follow the example of Christ. Where does living a comfortable middle-class existence fit into all of that?

But on the other hand...all I know to do is faithfully live out the Kingdom as I know it and experience it right now. Perhaps encouraging the Kingdom life in others will bring me closer and closer to living it myself. We get so easily entrenched in the culture and enslaved to our lifestyles with its paralyzing debt and materialistic ambitions. Or is that just me? What would we do for the Kingdom if we were free from those encumberances?

HTML Humility

Honestly...I felt checked by the Spirit to consider following up my last post with an apology. As I read back over it...I can tell my spirit was not in step with the Spirit. Thanks for your comment, DB!

I suppose that reaffirms some of the limitations of this medium of communication though. Perhaps it's a little too easy to rant and rave excessively.

Well, I'm thankful for a chance to hang out with Stetler today and hear some great thoughts from the likes of NT Wright, Brueggeman, and Newbigin (along with Eric of course). I celebrate the journey of those I see living out a radically re-imagined way to be human.

As I've re-entered the world of professional ministry...the battle for margin and balance rages.

Blog Blockage

As you can probably tell from the sporadic frequency of my last few posts, I'm experiencing some kind of bloggers block.

Actually, I just replied to a blog that really set me off and it's got me wondering if this is a valid use of time. In a recent conversation with a friend who boldly questions the value of this form of communication, he referred to most of the blogs he reads as some form of intellectual masturbation. Now if you can thoughtfully consider that phrase for a moment without being offended or defensive, you might have to agree that there's certainly some truth in that.

I know there have been times when I struggle over the wording or vocabulary in my post because of the response I'm trying to affect or produce. Or I labor over the content of my post to be sure that it's more substantial than the mention of daily rituals and events.

The other issue causing me to rant a bit here is the utter lack of accountability and careless spewing of words which passes for profundity. If things are being said in a blog which are not preceded by a willingness to share the same information in person, then stop wasting everyone's time and go do the right thing.

I'll stop before I get any more stirred up. But as a community of blogging believers, let's be careful how we malign the church and stir up dissent.

Monkey Bars Are Evil

Oh man...what a tough day. I was sitting in my office getting ready to meet with someone when Deb (my wife) called and I could hear my daughter crying in the background. She went to the park after school and was playing on the monkey bars when disaster struck. The bottom line...a broken arm. She fractured the humerus bone (hey, it's not funny!) just above her elbow but fortunately a simple cast for 6 weeks will do the trick. Interesting...every nurse and doctor at the ER commented on how monkey bars are probably the number one source of injuries for children (next was bikes and trampolines).

The whole saga brought back some childhood memories as I thought back to the time I jumped out of tree while playing tag with my brothers. I was determined not to let my little brother tag me so I lured him up the tree a little further planning to jump about 12 feet to the ground and escape his grubby little tag-happy fingers! Turns out I miscalculated the jump a bit and caught my foot on a little branch as I shoved away from the main limb. As my toe hung up on the branch, my head went from being the highest point on my body to being the first thing to hit the ground. I tried to break my fall with my hands and arms but that just caused me to break my wrist just before being knocked unconscious.

As I think back to that and many other physical traumas I experienced as a kid it doesn't seem too bad of an experience. But to be a dad and have your little girl get banged up and subjected to potentially serious injuries?! Makes me want to vomit.

See You At The Poll

I know...I misspelled "pole" but it was intentional. This annual event which draws students to their school flagpoles for prayer every September is quite a good thing...on the surface. But what I'm wondering this morning (as I wait to attend a rally due to a 2-hr school delay) is what the majority of students at the high schools and middle schools think about this event. One of the points made in a good book I'm reading about 7 Effective Practices of Ministry is that you need to look at your church, ministry, or organization through the eyes of an outsider. In youth ministry, that's the majority of each school's student population.

So if we were to take a poll...regarding this pole-praying-practice...would we find the opinions of 'insiders' vs. 'outsiders' to be extremely polarized??

I think so. I'm not saying that See You At The Pole is a bad thing...or that students shouldn't gather for this annual prayer event. But it's just an event. I'd rather see ten students living out the values and lifestyle of Christ than two hundred praying at a flagpole. Again, I'm not trying to be cynical about a valuable expression of Christian devotion in the lives of students. I just don't think the third Wednesday in September is any more crucial for students to live out their faith than the second or fourth Wednesday of any other month.

Neighborhood Integrity

So...we recently gave up the autonomy of living on a half-acre of land with our single-family dwelling place. For the time being, we're squeezing the human and material contents of our previous home into a nice little apartment with a nice little pond a few nice little feathered friends who wander past the sliding glass door on occasion.

But with the benefits of living in close community come the drawbacks as well. One of the most irritating things we deal with on a daily basis is the inability of our neighbors to park efficiently between those spacious white lines. I really am kind of baffled as I drive through the neighborhood and see how haphazardly people park their vehicles. I think I'll suggest that management institute a fine for any vehicle parked over a white line!

Sadder still is the fact that we only lived here for two short weeks before we fell victim to the reckless parking lot navigation efforts of a neighbor. As Deb got out of the car with the kids the other day she recognized something was up when a whole piece of fiberglass panel fell to the ground from one of the rear doors. What we discovered was that the car had been substantially bumped by another vehicle enough to dent the door and bust the connectors which held the panel in place. Now a week later...after having no one confess to the incident...I found the culprit. The light teal paint of our Bonneville is smeared all over the front right fender of our neighbor's Kia Spectra. I can't believe it?! How could run into your neighbor's car, who you're going to see repeatedly and park next to for at least 12 months, and not 'fess up to it?! It's almost funny...if not for the total lack of integrity.

So what do I do? Turn in the license plate number? Put up a note by our mailboxes? Let it go? It's not that I even care about the cost of repair or want to get compensated. I just want to have neighbors with some integrity. Is that why most people in the church don't want to give up their private personal relationship with Jesus for a community-based pursuit of God together? Because the awareness of integrity-loss increases greatly within community. By the way...since the car is paid off...I think I'll just take some liquid nails and slap that piece back in place. That should last a little longer than duct tape, eh?!

The Church's Batting Average

I'm reading a good book right now entitled 7 Practices of Effective Ministry by Andy Stanley and two others from his team at Northpoint church near Atlanta. Over the past few months, I've had several people recommend some of his writing to me, but this is the first one I've dipped into.

One of the things I like so far is the emphasis being placed on relationships and steps rather than programs and events. As I step back up to the plate of youth ministry (Stanley uses some good baseball imagery in the book!) I find myself kicking the dirt around a bit and tapping my bat on the ground establishing my familiarity with home plate. But what is home plate in youth ministry? or in ministry in general? What does it mean to hit a home run?

I suppose that in any kind of ministry setting or even just in our spiritual lives...home plate is a mature relationship (or I should probably say a maturing relationship) with Christ. Scoring a run in this context is helping someone move into ever-increasing Christ likeness. But in order to accomplish that goal, we've got to move people (or ourselves) through a series of steps which lead to that end. Unfortunately, what I've been a part of in most of my years of ministry (which is what I think Stanley is suggesting in his book) is just continual efforts to swing away and assume that any contact made with the ball is a win. But the only hit that counts towards improving the batting average is one which results in advancing someone to first base and beyond.

So we can crank one out of the park (like pulling off a great worship service or event) but if we don't help someone advance towards home plate (spiritual maturity) then we've definitely not accomplished our main goal. My concern and my insecurity right now has a lot to do with the gravitational pull I sense drawing me into a program-driven approach to ministry when I know the focus needs to be on steps, practices, and relationships instead.

LOST AGAIN

No...I'm not talking about the Ohio State Buckeyes...though that was a depressing loss for me (since I now work with a Texan who can be heard shouting "Hook'em Horns" down the hall). I'm not talking about Agassi's loss to Roger Federer today at the US Open either. Although I was really rooting for the old guy to pull it off (Andre is 35 and I'm almost 35. As I get older I find myself cheering on the more 'mature' athletes!)

Anyway...I got lost on my bike again this past Saturday. I should admit though that I don't really mind it. Really I should just call it "exploring" and not getting lost. I like to hop on the bike and just head in a particular direction. The problem is that I have this sense of what the roads should do in my mind. But often roads are not laid out in a logical grid-like way...so that's what throws me off. But this is the second time I've gone "exploring" on this one particular road. And on Saturday I just kept making the wrong decision when I had a chance to take a turn. My wife makes fun of me because in those situations I have a "feeling" about whether I'm headed in the right direction or not. And although I would "feel" like the decision was right...it took me further from where I wanted to be.

Finally I noticed that the sun was setting and the thought occurred to me to just head south...I knew that would take me to familiar territory. So as I looked to the sun...I was able to figure out my next move and finally came across the road I was looking for. My legs were starting to resist the commands to keep pumping at a steady pace, but as I churned along (now with confidence in my location) I thought of the spiritual implications and analogy. Aren't there times when we makes decisions based on what "feels" right? I know I do. And the frustration that sets in after making the wrong choices over and over...that gets downright maddening. But when I settle down and look up...(not just up directionally, but up spiritually)...I look to the Son and get my bearings. Then things become clear again. I love clarity!

BLOG Balance

I think I will try to create another blog or two so I can keep a certain focus here. I'm tempted to start blogging about things which pertain more to youth ministry or that connect with the students I'll be sharing life with. But I actually want to keep this blog focused more on the personal journey...the inward and upward journeys.

To my surprise, this blog has launched or re-launched many old friendships and relationships. That has been very meaningful to me. I hope to continue those conversations and start many more in the days ahead.

But balance has always been a problem for me. And being back in a fairly traditional context of ministry adds many demands and expectations. The key for me is to hold steady on my non negotiable values of life and ministry. Regardless of job security, people-pleasing, or performance issues...I have to keep my eyes on those compass points. Have any of you stumbled across some significant strategies for maintaining balance in ministry...or life in general?? (it can be just as hard or harder outside of ministry I learned)

Daddy Daughter Distress

For the past couple of weeks, we've really been nervous about this whole move and transition from the angle of my daughter starting 1st grade at a completely new and public school. Well...the four of us walked into her new school this morning (at 7:30am!!) and only three walked out. Actually...my youngest was on my shoulders and pretty sleepy/grumpy so she didn't do much walking. But we left daughter number one in a class full of strangers with a strange teacher, a strange teacher's aid, and hundreds of other strangers in the building as well.

So I came home from work early to check in with the family and get a first-hand report on the experience.

Are
you
wondering
how
it
went?

Are
you
anticipating
the
rest
of
this story??

Well...she loved it! Even the food was good...so daddy's (my) distress has been mostly resolved.
Soon I'll be taking her to her first dance and then paying for a prom dress! I'm going to need some counseling soon.

Chris

Salute to a friend

So I'm breaking the blog silence with a salute to perhaps my best friend on the planet. I think it becomes very evident where you have or haven't invested your relational capital during a time of crisis or great need. Having just passed through one of the most physically demanding weeks of my life...all my rhetoric about community has been put to the test. As it turns out...I've talked alot about community over the past year or so...but haven't really developed much of it. A great lesson has been learned...the hard way as usual.

So to my lifelong buddy (only 8 years now but it will be 58 years by the time I bust out of this clay jar)...Chappy...again I say..."Thanks!" I literally could not have made it through the past week without you. Makes me want to sing some song about Snoopy and Charlie, Batman & Robin, etc, etc :-)

A Week of Blog-lessness

Since I'll be packing up all our earthly belongings and getting the house ready to sell...I must bid a fond farewell to the blog for about a week. Stay tuned for a recap of the relocation saga sometime in September.

Blessings,

Chris

Golfing: Friend or Foe?

I got to enjoy a beautiful morning while hacking out of a few sandtraps today. In celebration of a friend's birthday, we gathered early this morning at a nice course. It was an absolutely perfect day for golf even though my game was perfectly dreadful...especially the putting. My tee shots and mid-irons were all pretty good. Chipped it close a few times, but I couldn't sink a putt for anything. It has been quite awhile since I've played a round of golf. The fellowship and weather was terrific...but I'm not going to start sneaking back out to the course anytime soon...not when I can take that 3-4 hours and ride 60 miles...for free!

I had an interesting experience/observation yesterday while reading a good book. I was at the Easton outdoor mall which is just about 10 minutes from our house. They have built a very nice quad-type area with a fountain which provides a nice park-like setting with benches right in the middle of all the restraunts and shops. As I was sitting on a bench reading some Brian McLaren...several children were squealing, jumping, and running through the fountain area. It must have some sort of random setting which causes various spouts to shoot water about six or eight feet into the air. These kids were running from side to side across the spray zone trying to outwit the water and avoid the cool refreshing eruptions.

At one point, I got totally distracted from my reading while listening to the unihibited joy being displayed for all to see by these children. A group of about ten little kids were enjoying the fountain with a group of about 50 or so individuals walking by or sitting at a nearby outdoor cafe or seated at the other benches around the square. I thought of Jesus' words when He said that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these. When was the last time I just bathed in the joy of laughter or frivolity? When did I last abandon myself to completely enjoying the company of others? of my children? of God in worship?

After a few minutes of reflection I tuned the laughter out and returned to my book...and my inhibited formal style of being. But something in me longed to throw the book down and jump in the water with those kids! I wish I had been that courageous!

Chicago Tribunal

I have this obsessive need to alliterate and play on words. We just returned from Chicago at 4:43a.m. this morning and the "tribunal" I'm referring to was actually a very laid back and congenial interview process with an exciting church in need of some youth ministry leadership. But Chicago is intense! The traffic when we were driving towards the Sears Tower around midnight Saturday evening was thicker than rush hour in Columbus on Friday mornings. And just driving around the burbs to find a spot for dinner took about 30 mintues to travel 10 miles. Crazy!

But what an exciting place to live and brush up against a myriad of cultures and peoples. Plus there was no shortage of Starbucks!

The issues which are creating confusion for us are many: distance from family, ministry vision, leadership potential, future growth opportunities...personal, career, and family..., financial considerations, school for Jess, housing options, cost of living, proximity to the Appalachian Trail (just kidding on that one). But the list could go on.

I feel intense pressure to completely tune into the voice of the heart. Where are we being tugged and nudged by the Spirit? Could you help us pray for clarity?! Thank you!

Chris

Much Brewing Over Starbucks

My brother just sent me an interesting article with some harsh criticism of Starbucks. Since I've been a Starbucks Partner (employee) for almost a couple of years now...I've had to field a lot of questions about my affiliation with the liberal purveyor of lattes. Here's a link http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=45694o the article which I think is a good call for discernment.

Without doing a great deal of research on it however...I can assure you that Starbucks does not hate children anymore than the Catholic Church hates children (which has been much more responsible for damage to children than Starbucks.) Starbucks does a great deal in the local communities as well as in the global communities to demonstrate otherwise. Just to name a few things I've been involved in personally...Starbucks collects toys for seriously (terminally) ill children around the holidays, sponsors kid-friendly events which raise money for environmental and social causes, and puts millions of dollars towards literacy campaigns for children. (Unfortunately, I'm not being paid to defend Starbucks) Although my Starbucks journey is practically over...I do take great PRIDE in the company and most of the values which they promote.

Now, having said that...I don't agree with any support which Starbucks is giving to the Gay and Lesbian agenda, Planned Parenthood, or any other groups which work against what I would hold to be biblical family values. (Why not support heterosexual and monogamous relationship oriented events which would bolster the success of marriage and family--a value held by many Starbucks customers?) But I do not consider the gay & lesbian community to be the cesspool of moral deprivation which most conservative evangelical Christians do. I have met some homosexual individuals during my journey with Starbucks who are closer to the Kingdom than many heterosexual hypocrites I've been going to church with for years! I believe the church is so full of sin that uniting against the "big" sin of homosexuality provides some kind of anesthetic arrogance which gives the deceptive sensation of enjoying God's favor and grace.

Before I get carried away any further, let me just say that if you're looking for dirt you'll find it. One problem I have with Meghan Kleppinger's article is that she (and most Christians) miss the economic injustice and social injustice which is a far greater problem in God's eyes (read the prophets). Don't think in terms of the $4,000 given to the irresponsible Coffee Corporation...but think in terms of the irresponsible Christian who has spent at least $4,000 in luxuries without being concerned about starving children or aids-infected babies or whatever?! That's the kind of Kingdom stuff Jesus might be more concerned with in this whole debate.

So yes...I will continue to purchase and consume Starbucks' beverages. Kleppinger's article and her lifestyle choice is one to be respected though. I can certainly appreciate someone who is willing to take a stand somewhere...whether or not I stand beside them.

Catalyzing Community

That's the phrase I used in a philosophy of youth ministry which I just hammered out. Ministry ought to have a significant emphasis on building authentic community and developing relationships within the body of Christ...relationships which contribute to spiritual transformation.

But then the question came at me..."What does that look like in the life of middle school student?" And I thought to myself...that's a great question!

For the past couple of years in seminary, Starbucks, and ministry (what a combination)...I've been processing all kinds of stuff which has led me to some seemingly great conclusions in my own life about community, intimacy with God, suffering, reconciliation, and more. Now comes the difficult task of translating these truths into meaningful and practical terms for students. With confidence I'll move towards that goal...but it's just not the kind of stuff that's easy to explain in one sentence or less. I want to say to people what Christ said...just come follow me...we'll learn together. I'm sure of the destination...which is the journey itself.

The Starbucks Journey Terminus

It could be that I'm taking my last lunch break from Starbucks this evening. I've said for the past few months that I couldn't see myself ever totally leaving Starbucks as an employee. My plan was to settle in somewhere new and find a nearby 'bux to just kick a shift or two per week at. But the journey might end after all. Now for the dilemma of paying full price (or paying anything for that matter) for my coffee.

A third interview is in my near future for deciding our next church home for awhile. I can do nothing but trust in the Lord with all my heart...and acknowledge God every moment...and pray that the path becomes clear to all. Please pray that we make decisions in the Spirit over the next week or so. Thank you!

More Soul Space

I've been packing up my books at home...which has turned into a monumental project. I really have too many books. But anyway...it's fun to come across titles which I've previously read and reflect on their impact on my life. One book in particular which caught my attention (as I packed up the box labeled spiritual formation) was Soul Space by Jerome Daily. It was one of the books I was reading or had just read when I started this blog last year. The concept is simple and has to do with the need for simplicity. Our souls become cluttered in much the same way that the peripheral spaces of our homes become cluttered. It takes constant effort to maintain uncluttered living space in the deep places of our souls. Because the spiritual interior of our lives is not visible to the typical bystander, church acquaintance, or even some family members...it is so important that we take time to reflect and submit our souls to God's transforming gaze. For me...that's the pursuit of holiness. The sanctification of our hearts, minds, and wills is a setting-apart-act which is performed on us as we position ourselves in postures of yieldedness to God. I don't DO anything to get holy. I just position myself to get closer to the sanctfier...the holy presence...the transforming Spirit of God which nourishes my soul like a steady rain after a long unquenchable dryness.

When you're positioned for transformation and the awareness of grace seems intensified, it's a wonderful time...even in the midst of trial or suffering...because God's presence in adversity is better than even the best of circumstances without that awareness.

Numb from Waiting

One of the most paralyzing situations I've ever experienced is waiting. Not my cup of tea!

Preference vs. Presence

First let me share an update on our journey of interviewing and searching for a new home church... We had a very informal but effective time of dialogue (interview) last night with a great team of church leaders. The setting was unusual in that we went to the pastor's home for dinner along with about 10 or 12 individuals serving as ministry leaders. As much as an interview could be, it was comfortable and informative. I think I got a feel for the vision of the church, some recent history, and perceived strengths. Many of the typical questions were launched towards me and I tried not to just regurgitate the 'right answers' but to use them as opportunities to share my values and non-negotiables in ministry. Although I'm sure the groups who have been interviewing with us perceive themselves as the interview-ers...I'm quite sure we've entered the process perceiving it the other way around. And so far...we've exerted some form of control over this process...but now that we've encountered a situation which seems to have God all over it...and just about every issue of vision, resources, spiritual authenticity, etc is in place...now we submit to the situation and pray for God to bring clarity!

Now for the part of this post which actually connects with the title...

I was invited to speak at a men's prayer breakfast this morning on the topic of worship and challenging men to encounter God in deeper ways (which applies to both genders actually). As I was preparing to speak and share this week, I kept hitting a "wall" because I was looking for something profound to say...from the latest book or worship guru. Finally the Spirit urged me to share the things I have personally been learning about worship lately.

I could sum that journey up in a couple of trite (yet meaningful) phrases. Worship is not about 'preference' (i.e. the style of worship that appeals to me) but about 'presence.' Worship is a response to God's presence...not just His presence in a building while music is playing and hands are being lifted...but His presence which can be celebrated daily in the 'jars of clay' in Spirit and in Truth (John 4). Worship is also about the daily cultivation of relational intimacy and passion for God. It's not about obligatory spiritual performance.

My Girls to the Rescue

My ride yesterday should've been about 50 or 60 miles...if I had finished it! I had not been eating healthy for the past few days or even been on the bike in over a week due to that bad spoke. So I should have done 20 to 30 miles. As is my usual custom though...I bit off more than I could chew and called Deb and the girls in as my "lag" vehicle. I had left a voice message at home with pain in my voice and being out of breath. Jess heard and asked Deb, "Is daddy okay??" She got a kick out of coming to my rescue as I heaved the bike into the trunk of the car.

Ooops...lunch break is over at Starbucks. Just a few more days.

Big interview Friday evening...if you're the praying type...please throw one up for us!

Blessings.

Cycling Sycophant

Cycling: the act of riding a cycle..i.e. bicycle

Sycophant: a servile self-seeking flatterer (synonym: parasite)

I think the connotation of 'sycophant' is rather negative, so I don't think it's an accurate representation of me personally...but the phrase came to mind and sounded cool in my head.

But I am all about the bike today. Just dropped it off next door at BikeSource with my buddy Kurt who is going to replace my damaged spoke and get me ready for a 40 or 50 mile ride today. I've only been on the bike once since RAIN (ride across Indiana) where I broke the spoke originally. Then while I was near Canton speaking at their youth camp, I rode into Alliance, OH and broke what I think to be the same spoke. It's not the actual spoke which is breaking...but the piece which connects it to the wheel. I'm trying to avoid replacing the whole wheel.

During this spiritual 'stage ride' of ministry transition...some time on the bike is good medicine. Just my face against the wind...and my legs against the lactic acid! And hopefully God will speak as I put my trust in another spoke.

Birthday Blitz

My daughter Jessica just turned 6. She'll be in 1st grade in just a few weeks. Unfathomable!!

Anyway...we've stretched out the birthday celebration for a little over a week celebrating with various circles of friends and family. It has been alot of fun...much more fun than any birthdays I remember as a kid. Makes me wonder if we're spoiling our girls?! They certainly have too much STUFF! I know we're not teaching them live counter-culturally when it comes to material possessions. Of course, that has to be modeled from the top down, right?

As far as the celebrating goes however...I definitely don't mind erring on the side of emotional indulgence. I guess we'll find out how we did in about twenty years...when she is or is not in need of counseling.

But...what a blessing...these beautiful daughters of mine! I better get back home to read books with them...

Confession Is Good For the Soul Mate

I recently confessed to my wife that I was being a pretty crappy husband lately. I could produce a list of pretty good excuses, but the truth remains. And confession may be good for the soul...but I'm not sure what it does for the soul-mate. Because I had nothing to offer except the confession. I honestly cannot pinpoint the reason I'm being an occasional insensetive dweeb of a spouse. And I can't honestly claim that the condition is going to immediately improve.

I suppose the benefit was just in exposing the ugliness. And the confession did evoke a response of something like..."well, I'm glad it's not just me." Which I interpret to mean that she knew I was the one being a jerk...but just needed confirmation from the horse's mouth. Actually, I do feel a sense of relief that I've admitted my marital malice and I can stop this pretentious act that all my little irritations are a result of some fault and flaw in my wife. Deb is not the perfect spouse, by her own admission, but she's alot closer than I sometimes give her credit for.

And interestingly enough...our 11th anniversary was this past weekend! Maybe anniversaries are a natural time for relational repairs.

The BLOG of Life

Certainly I don't want to exalt blogging to some form of divinely inspired newly dispensed canon of Scripture, but...after catching up on some blogs out there and connecting with some new ones...I AM inspired. The Spirit is stirring in many ways and many locations. And so many are taking the exit ramp off of mainstream bankrupt Christianity and finding some healthy detours up the Mountain of God! It's a tough climb but the view is getting more incredible each day.

Something disturbed me though as my browser collided with a blog of ministry despair. Some ex-youth pastors were lamenting the woes of previous ministries and celebrating their freedom from the politics and pretense of church. While I know exactly what they've been through (after 10 years of youth ministry) I have this sense of sadness. Maybe it's because after a year away from all that craphole context of ministry...I'm going back. I fear that I may be unable to sustain this emergent postmodern approach (whatever you want to call it) to following Jesus.

But what I really fear is a world of youth pastors and young church leaders who will walk away from church without the willingness to sacrifice their lives on the front lines of a revolution. I don't want to die anymore than the next schmuck...but who's going to keep this culturally irrelevant brand of Christianity from being passed to another generation?!

Fishing & Fasting

Actually, I have discovered that these two disciplines (yes, fishing is a spiritual discipline) go quite well together. As long as you don't take food with you in the boat...and as long as you're commited to not eating raw fish...the relationship is complimentary.

So I set out on a mission yesterday with the canoe strapped to the top of my Ford Focus and a hunger to encounter God. There's just something spiritual and therapeutic about sitting out on a fairly large body of water with the wind as the dominant force being applied to your vessel. (I very much envy those on the sailboats as I'm paddling my obliques off!) As I sat back against the center seat of my canoe and soaked in the Son...I sensed confirmation in the direction that our family is heading. I was also able to finalize a "no" for one particular ministry context which had become available to us. Besides that, I caught about ten little half-pound bass and one that about two pounds or so. With my light pole and light test line...it was a lot of fun to bring that fiesty one in.

Well, today I'm off to further a conversation which might lead us to a great healthy and exciting church...or it may just sharpen my focus towards a specific model of youth ministry which I'm growing more and more passionate about. Regardless...I'm just so grateful that God is giving us/me patience with this process and providing just enough guidance for each day.

Searching Saga

So...I hit a little snag this weekend with my future career in ministry. Actually, it has resulted in a helpful process of re-defining and clarity. But I walked away from an interview completely confused about whether I would ever really "fit" again in a church staff ministry context. I found myself wanting to jump back into the friendly world of Starbucks management where expectations are clearly defined and pretty easy to achieve. But as the day wore on...my self-talk (and God-talk) lifted me out of that despair and a perfectly timed phone call from Virginia encouraged me immensely! There ARE churches out there (and pastors) who can almost perfectly articulate my angst and passion!

And then this morning...I had an encounter during the midst of this saga of searching which truly lifted the spiritual fog which had settled in over me. Basically, I had a conversation with a couple of leaders/pastors in which my dream model of youth ministry was being articulated without me having to say a word. I'm just literally speechless about it right now and waiting for the divine nod, nudge, no, or whatever!