No Pressure

Deb and I are sitting in a hotel in Florida trying to discern God's will for our lives...no pressure! I remember the good ol' days when we used to interview with just the two of us. Impacting the lives of two beautiful little girls wasn't part of the equation. Figuring out where to go to school, where to live, and where to pursue life just wasn't nearly as complicated. Having made a couple of mistakes in this area previously...I have no desire to make the wrong decision this time around.

When you're making a big decision and doing the whole "pro's" and "con's" list, it's not too tough to fill up both columns. It seems to me like it still ends up being sort of a crap shoot (not that I even know what a "crap shoot" is!) I actually do have a sense though that God is going to make things clear for us. We're certainly praying that way.

I miss my girls like crazy!

Trail Finding

I'm on a quest today...a quest for the best mountain bike trail in Canton, Ohio. It looks like I may have googled upon one that fits the bill. I have the morning off from speaking to a group of students this week at a camp in the Canton area. We've been talking about the discovery of our true identities and the implications of acknowledging that God has known us, formed us, and set our unique identities apart from before the time we were each conceived. And what is the impact of expressing these unique identities within the context of community, family, and beyond?

Well, I'm going to ponder that a bit more as I fling some mud up on my backside! I'll also be pondering the turmoil, confusion, excitement, anxiety, and nausea which has all been brought on by an intense search to find the next context out of which our family can live, grow, and minister. Nothing like a few miles on the bike to help you process life's difficult decisions.

Camp Thunder

I've been hanging out this week at a summer camp for middle and high school students. It's been a fun change of pace from the hectic world of coffee (just in the mornings!) But the weather has been a bit unpredictable.

Yesterday I suited up and took the bike out for a few miles winding through some backroads somewhere in Stark County. I should've known that the nice tailwind and descents I was experiencing the first ten miles would mean pain and struggle on the return trip. Unfortunately, as I got past a tiny little town called Alliance, one of my back spokes popped again. The little silver "nipple" which attaches the spoke to the outer rim fractured and broke in two. The same thing happened on the ride across Indiana a couple of weeks ago.

So I pulled out the spoke (fortunately my wheel has 23 more besides that one) and rode the bike a few hundred yards to a little hometown auto shop. A nice gentleman there loaned me some allen wrenches as he suspiciously eyed my spandex outfit! I had to remove the rear brakes and ride the ten miles back uphill and into a terrible headwind. Then the lightning started flashing and ended up with a nice little thunder shower for the last mile.

Life is always interesting when you put yourself out there.

Along with my friend Bob, I just attempted to bike across the state of Indiana! (RAIN is an acronym for Ride Across INdiana) It was about 160 miles in one day. Bob conquered the whole distance. I lost about 15 miles at mile 110 but was able to meet up with Bob 15 miles later (thanks to my parents!) and finish pretty strong. So 145 miles is my new personal record for miles biked in one day. It was a great experience.

Tough Stuff

On the weekdays I get a great little snippet/essay from the following website (if you're interested)... www.dailydig.bruderhof.org

Today's opening paragraph struck me with one word in particular. Here's the quote...

"Discipleship means complete dedication. It demands everything - the whole heart, the whole mind, and the whole of life, including one's time, energy, and property - for the cause of love. Half-hearted Christianity is worse than no Christianity."

Can you pick out a word from that challenge which might be causing my discomfort? It's "property." That one seems to cross the line (from the perspective of my American materialistic and individualistic culture). Of course, the other two life-issues mentioned are not much easier...time & energy?? We just often assume that we're already on board with those. But again, how much of my time and energy is devoted to the whole-hearted pursuit of Christ?

It just never gets easy!

Limbs and Limitations

Actually, I'll reverse the order of subjects here by starting with limitations. There is really no substitute for face-to-face personal communication. Blogs and email are nice, but my previous couple of posts have illustrated the limitations of this form of communication. So although I subscribe (literally) to new technology and see wonderful potential for all things digital and wireless...I hope to see our culture actually "digress" in some ways regarding the emphasis we place on personal connection, relationships, and authentic community. There is certainly value to be found in the blogging and online communities which we form...but it is not a substitute for the kinds of relationships and community we were designed for.

Now on to "limbs"...that's a comical play on words I suppose for I have crawled out upon once myself! Some would call it a step of faith. Others would call it irresponsible. I can't decide which it is...depending on the day. What I know though...is that we can't make decision based on fear and insecurity. We need to make decisions, especially regarding our future and the future of our families, based on the bedrock of our identities...who we are created to be. To pursue anything other than that path leads us towards spiritual and emotional death.

Domingo's Dialogue

Domingo is "Sunday" in Spanish...my goal of alliteration wouldn't work in English so...too much explanation, eh?? Sorry!

I recently received the following response to a previous blog posting. I want to “copy” you (the blogging community) in on the conversation because it gives me an opportunity to further explain some things. I’ll protect the identity of my blog responder obviously but include each of his/her comments below...

Regarding my migraine episode...

"caffeine (sp?) is one of the major migraine triggers. you might want to switch to decaf, sorry :-(" I type as I sip my sugar free, caffeine free, sodium free, Diet Rite. If only I had a rocking chair.Rocking in a rocking chair is a simple pleasure. Without close knowledge of your current lifestyle it is hard to understand what you mean by a simple life. A rocking chair, a canoe trip, these are simple pleasures that provide a respite from a productive life, but they are just the border of the picture.

Regarding the simple life...

As far as the simple life goes...it sounds appealing but what is accomplished? I'm no money chasing capitalist but each of us is given gifts to use in a productive fashion. I'm not sure how that fits, sometimes your blog just seems to beg for a counterpoint. I assume you are looking for them or you wouldn't be blogging.

My response..

It seems like we have this "iron sharpens iron" kind of relationship/dialogue. What's up with that? But it's good and you're right...I think my blog is a place where I can say things that demand rebuttal.

Hopefully I won't have to give up caffeine...but after a year or so with starbucks, it's about the right time to start seeing some side effects of that!

Simple life? Productive? Might be apples and oranges but you raise the foundational issue against which I'm reacting in various ways. My last 10 years of ministry have been very productive...but not extremely effective. Certainly semantics are crucial here because the way you define productivity or efficiency or even simplicity impacts the conversation greatly. But I like what you said about the "border of the picture." That's exactly what is missing from most our lives. There IS no border. One author calls it "margin." We live life right up to the edges filling our days (the page or canvass) completely. Maybe balance is a better word than simple to describe what I've found and realize. I have finally narrowed my productivity enough to leave room for relationships...with my family, with my neighbors, with whatever person happens into the picture.

Again, I value your perspective and comments. Probably we agree on all the principles involved but lack the same language. Or maybe we don't agree on foundational issues? Either way...it's very helpful for me to dialogue with you. Speaking of canoeing...that’s a great idea...I’m on my way (later this week)!

Conclusions...

Actually, I'll let you come to your own! Bendiciones!

Thursday's Therapy

There is something therapeutic about sitting down with a cup of coffee! Actually, just taking the time to sit and drink a cup of coffee...experiencing the flavor, body, and aroma in a relaxed environment....that's probably the key. Most people though are just hurrying in and out jumping back in their line of traffice to speed off to "nowhere" fast.

My sleepless night of revelation might be confirmed through some of the encounters of this day...so I'm excited for what the day holds! But as I contemplate a transition of some kind, I'm frightened by the challenge to maintain the simplicity. The pace of life right now is very pleasing. We were meant to enjoy life...to enjoy others...to enjoy God! Much of our lives consist of mindless distractions from those priorities however.

From Migraine to My Gain

I have had two first-time experiences today which I need to reflect on here (more for my sake than yours.)

This morning as I began my shift at Starbucks steaming milk and pulling shots of espresso, I began to have some strange symptoms. As I glanced up at the screen to see what drinks I was making for the drive-thru customers, I noticed my vision becoming quite blurry and foggy around the edges. And just a minute or so later I began to feel dizzy, lightheaded, and nauseated. That taste crept up the back of my throat which seems to warn of more to come...the wrong direction! And then the pain set in right behind my right eye. I’m not the type to really get sick or have physically challenging moments like that, so it was very awkward yet very obvious to those I was working with. After battling those symptoms for about four hours and finishing my shift, I finally got back home and rested for a few hours. By the end of the day...all the symptoms were nearly gone thought I still had the sense of not feeling “quite right.” After doing some research online and talking to my wife about her mother and brother’s similar experience, I realized I had probably had my first migraine...yippee!!

My other first-time experience is still in progress. At this very moment, it is 2:43 a.m. and I seem to be having a spiritual awakening when I’d rather be sleeping. There have really only been three times in my life that I’ve had this sort of experience in which there is some obvious effort on God’s part to get my attention. These times have always preceded some sort of major transition such as moving, changing career, etc. Well, since I’m about four hours into this sleepness night of prayer and planning, I can’t completely reflect on what is transpiring. Hopefully I will know more soon!

Independence Day

Speaking of 'independence,' our culture is consumed with that pursuit, isn't it? As my life has become simpler, it has also become a bit untethered. I lack many of those anchors of obligation which kept me on track in many ways. I confessed during a time of worship yesterday that much of my previous piety had been constructed from the inferior yet sturdy materials of spiritual obligation and duty. In the days ahead I must reconstruct...rebuild...remember.