Back on the bike

Ahhh! It's good to be back on the bike. I'm shooting for a 200-mile week. Moses had this "tent of meeting" that he would frequent when he needed direction from God. I have a "bike of meeting!"

Personal Relationship with a Communal God

One of the blogs I've been frequenting lately is connected with Leadership journal and you can check it out here. It's called "Out of Ur" and some of the recent posts have been captioned "Pimping Jesus..." The article from yesterday(or today...if it was posted from Manila) struck a chord with me because of the challenges I have faced recently with trusting God. Have we over-americanized God into some kind of self-help buddy who needs to aid us in our continual efforts to remove tension, conflict, and suffering from our lives?

I certainly agree that our relationship and intimacy with God has a personal component but I think that has been the very thing which led me for many years towards my current crisis. Had I been cultivating more authentic and accountable relationships, through whom I may have received greater guidance, counsel, and care...perhaps I would now be more attuned to the kind of wisdom the Spirit is guiding...with less need for the process of being broken.

Trust Issues

Okay...so I can mouth the words "I trust you," or tell inquiring and concerned souls that I'm learning to trust God with some things. But I have this deep sense that I'm not fooling anyone here. When you're seriously doubting God's care and provision in your life...is it simply a matter of saying "Okay, God...really...I trust you!!" Maybe exlamation points will make it true.

The only thing making sense to me right now are Rob Bell's words recently on the temptation of Jesus. He talks about how the enemy was trying desperately to undermine Jesus' identity as the Son of God. And that's what mister deception is trying to do to me as well...convince me that I'm not really who I think I am or thought I was.

Way Too Much Drama

Man, I hate that the drama surrounding our family right now is exerting this grotesque energy-sucking inertia on anyone within a 15-foot radius. I remember when people used to ask that superficial "How ya doin?" and I could honestly answer, "Fine...you?" Now when people innocently ask that question...I have this nearly irrestible desire to be honest! What a funk to be living in. The black hole of our house-selling dilemma continues indefinitely. Fortunately, our car repair issues have been resolved. That was a God-thing!

Or was it? Can we just automatically attribute good circumstances to God? Can we assume that when the _ _ _ _ hits the fan that it's God's way of setting him up to do His God-thing? I wonder how many times I attribute something to God's intervention in my personal crisis and He's thinking...hey, don't flatter yourself. I don't know...

Good Time For a Bike

Eventually, I hope that I can join the ranks of those committed cyclists who stick to their wheels regardless of the weather. I've been rather reluctant to do much cycling during our cold and inclement weather patterns here in Ohio. Another issue is living in an area which is not bike friendly unless your on one of the bike paths. And fortunately, there are many miles worth of path riding in this community...but that doesn't always help when it comes to commuting and avoiding car dependence.

Yet, financial concerns are going to force my hand...or legs rather. It's almost to the point where you just begin to laugh in the face of adversity because the onslaught is so continuous. In the last six months, we've had about $3200 worth of car repairs and auto emergencies. I suppose that's the price you pay for having older paid-off vehicles. Fortunately, the in-laws covered one repair. Then we actually had an emergency fund in place to cover the second repair. We went into debt for a third repair. And now, the final and most recent bill facing us is anywhere from $500-$1100, depending on if we want the vehicle drivable or safe? With our decision to destroy our credit cards and never take on another cent of debt in that form, the only option is really to downsize into a one-vehicle arrangement. If the rain, snow, and wind will let up...I'm game!

Boy...if I could be sixteen all over again and apply all the financial lessons we've learned just in the last 6 months...I'd literally be a millionaire by now!

My Heresy

I've had the recent humbling (and humiliating) experience of discovering some seriously flawed theology at work in my life. It basically boils down to the way in which I have tried to discern God's will and guidance for the past few years...perhaps even longer!

The interesting thing is that I've coached and encouraged others to do this stuff the right way, and then somehow blinded myself to my own misapplication of prayer and scripture.

The key realization in all of this comes from John 15 and Jesus' whole 'vine' discourse. Jesus says, "Apart from me you can do nothing." My practice of late has been to figure things out and develop my own solution for our difficulties and then proceed on that logic and analysis until God either blesses it or shuts a door or otherwise makes something clear. Apparently, you can't find that approach in Scripture anywhere.

So I need to be broken and brought to the brink so that I can relearn the art of trusting and waiting. My approach hasn't been working all that well for us, so why not try something different...like allowing God to take the initiative and then I'll follow Him?! Let's see how that works for the next ten years or so.