I don't...wait well, that is.
Christmas day and all its festivities, traveling, gift-sharing, and family reunions has come and gone. We had a great time spending Christmas with both sides of the family this year. The day began in Cincinnati and ended near Indianapolis.
I'm still waiting for one final present...which I hope to be an offer to manage my own store for Starbucks. I received a call this morning with some very promising words...but until the final offer is on the table, I won't be able to rest mentally. If this opportunity arises, it will be about six months ahead of schedule from what I previously anticipated. That is great news for us financially as well as in other ways (scheduling, mental angst, supervisor frustration, etc).
Another opportunity has come along for me to lend a hand with some music and worship efforts at the church we're attending here in Cincinnati (Lifespring). Although my journey still consists of some unresolved questions about ministry and the church, I sense that God is inviting us to develop some relationships and lead by example in this new congregation. I would hope to see this expression of church and community conform closely to a Scriptural model of mission and grace.
I've had to put the personal training on hold for now. I trained one client at Fitworks in Newport before the new Starbucks opportunity materialized. If I have to wait a few months and just do personal training as an occasionaly hobby...that's fine. It will give me a little more time to learn the trade.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Model vs. Mission
I want to hope that a variety of "church models" can live out an authentic expression of Kingdom life. Part of my angst on this issue involves personal application. For instance, if I have musical and leadership gifts which lend themselves to an event-centered application...how do I reconcile that with the fact that an event-driven church experience is not aligned with Kingdom values?
Can I plug myself into the "system" yet push in a different direction? I believe there's value in a corporate worship experience...but it should prepare for or contribute to a daily experience of intimacy with the Father rather than just fulfilling some need for a spiritual social gathering.
I appreciate John's comment on the previous entry because I think many of us react, critique, blame, and indict the system without thinking through the implications. Especially when you have a family to consider, it's not easy to just decide to be done with the church in its present form. I'm not yet ready to throw out the model just because it has been "mismanaged and distorted" as John mentioned. It certainly is a complex issue though...and I feel like it could take years to detox, reconcile, and move forward.
Can I plug myself into the "system" yet push in a different direction? I believe there's value in a corporate worship experience...but it should prepare for or contribute to a daily experience of intimacy with the Father rather than just fulfilling some need for a spiritual social gathering.
I appreciate John's comment on the previous entry because I think many of us react, critique, blame, and indict the system without thinking through the implications. Especially when you have a family to consider, it's not easy to just decide to be done with the church in its present form. I'm not yet ready to throw out the model just because it has been "mismanaged and distorted" as John mentioned. It certainly is a complex issue though...and I feel like it could take years to detox, reconcile, and move forward.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Spiritainment
That's a word I just made up as I was commenting on today's post from Out of Ur (leadership).
A pastor in South Carolina was denouncing all the lazy pastors and churches for not putting more effort into entertaining their crowds on Sunday. Apparently, people should be more excited about going to the Sunday morning event than watching their favorite TV program. Though I have contributed to entertainment-based and consumeristic worship services in the past, I certainly can't stomach that combination anymore. I just found the guys comments repulsive (literally, my stomach was upset reading the post) and completely misguided.
To even speak of "Church" and entertainment as similar experiences betrays a distorted understanding of the Kingdom.
A pastor in South Carolina was denouncing all the lazy pastors and churches for not putting more effort into entertaining their crowds on Sunday. Apparently, people should be more excited about going to the Sunday morning event than watching their favorite TV program. Though I have contributed to entertainment-based and consumeristic worship services in the past, I certainly can't stomach that combination anymore. I just found the guys comments repulsive (literally, my stomach was upset reading the post) and completely misguided.
To even speak of "Church" and entertainment as similar experiences betrays a distorted understanding of the Kingdom.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Nothing Specific
Our December weather in Ohio has been rather mild over the past week. That was a blessing as Chappy and I camped out at the new Chick-Fil-A grand opening in Grove City this past Wednesday night. The temperature never dipped below 40 and we both walked away with the great prize of 52 free meals at Chick-Fil-A. This was my third Grand Opening and I plan to do 3 more at the first of 2007 (Beavercreek, Tri-County Cincinnati, and Florence).
I gave up on training at Gold's. Every time I met with a District or Regional manager, I just got the run-a-round and have still not received a call back from the last interview...which went very well. So I decided to investigate the Fitworks which is down the street from my new Starbucks location (Newport, KY). That went very well and I finished the new-hire paperwork today with the district manager. He began the interview as a real "hard ass" (can't think of another way to put it!) however, the interview turned a corner and I realized he was just setting me up to be a model trainer for some of the slackers they've got in the company. So that was encouraging actually...that he saw me as someone to help raise the bar (literally) in their clubs. I actually work for Body of Change which operates inside the Fitworks gyms. There are seven of those in the Cincy area...at which I can workout or train clients at anytime. Training could turn out to be a great thing since I determine my schedule and can block off time to be away (vacation etc.) pretty much whenever necessary. I start spending time at that gym and training clients on Monday!
Still no real clarity on the spiritual journey. I continue to struggle with the thought of plugging back into a traditional congregation. Deb and I had a difficult conversation yesterday on the topic. She percieves that I talk down to her because I've attained some higher plane or experience of Christianity. I think the phrase I used was "Yeah, that's how I used to see things" in response to something she said about spiritual matters. It was kind of ironic since my perception has been that she sees me as spiritually inferior since I no longer hold to some of the traditional Christian values and practices which have been such a huge part of our experience. Yet, part of my present difficulty is in not wanting to subject my family to the whole searching process that I seem to be in right now. If the conventional church paradigm still works for them...why should I upset that? But what gives if I decide I really can't continue to relate to the Father in that setting? The God Journey has been a very helpful discussion and conversation to listen in on lately. I was also encouraged by a recent Catalyst podcast interview with George Barna discussing his latest book on revolutionary Christianity. To be continued...
I gave up on training at Gold's. Every time I met with a District or Regional manager, I just got the run-a-round and have still not received a call back from the last interview...which went very well. So I decided to investigate the Fitworks which is down the street from my new Starbucks location (Newport, KY). That went very well and I finished the new-hire paperwork today with the district manager. He began the interview as a real "hard ass" (can't think of another way to put it!) however, the interview turned a corner and I realized he was just setting me up to be a model trainer for some of the slackers they've got in the company. So that was encouraging actually...that he saw me as someone to help raise the bar (literally) in their clubs. I actually work for Body of Change which operates inside the Fitworks gyms. There are seven of those in the Cincy area...at which I can workout or train clients at anytime. Training could turn out to be a great thing since I determine my schedule and can block off time to be away (vacation etc.) pretty much whenever necessary. I start spending time at that gym and training clients on Monday!
Still no real clarity on the spiritual journey. I continue to struggle with the thought of plugging back into a traditional congregation. Deb and I had a difficult conversation yesterday on the topic. She percieves that I talk down to her because I've attained some higher plane or experience of Christianity. I think the phrase I used was "Yeah, that's how I used to see things" in response to something she said about spiritual matters. It was kind of ironic since my perception has been that she sees me as spiritually inferior since I no longer hold to some of the traditional Christian values and practices which have been such a huge part of our experience. Yet, part of my present difficulty is in not wanting to subject my family to the whole searching process that I seem to be in right now. If the conventional church paradigm still works for them...why should I upset that? But what gives if I decide I really can't continue to relate to the Father in that setting? The God Journey has been a very helpful discussion and conversation to listen in on lately. I was also encouraged by a recent Catalyst podcast interview with George Barna discussing his latest book on revolutionary Christianity. To be continued...
Friday, December 08, 2006
Climate, Coffee, and Cardio
I find it quite difficult at times to focus on one particular thought or theme as I'm blogging. So as you can see, it will be all over the map today.
On Climate:
Speaking of maps, here's one to kick it off...
On Climate:
Speaking of maps, here's one to kick it off...
I just watched An Inconvenient Truth a few nights ago, which turned out to be more of the Al Gore lifestory than I had anticipated. But the overall content and "spin" certainly leaves you with the feeling of "What if it's true?!" I know Limbaugh and all the partisan conservatives scoff at the environmental extremists and their theories...but I find all their rhetoric pretty reactionary and unsatisfying as well. I'm not sure that I'm ready to start screaming gloom and doom for mother earth...but as a responsible steward of creation...you just can't say "What the hell!" and keep living in selfish unexamined and irresponsible ways.
I enjoyed the suggestions at the end of the film for controlling one's environmental impact and energy efficiency.
On Coffee:
As I sit at my in-laws' dining room table and sip some Latin American coffee, I wonder if Starbucks would be my favorite coffee were I not working for the green siren? There's a coffee docu-drama coming out called Black Gold which I expect to stir up a mixed brew of conversations in Seattle and beyond. As I step back into a managerial position with Starbucks, I'm hoping that my conscience won't be disturbed past a reasonable point. I've always felt pretty good about Starbucks as a company and their economic ethics as well as their emphasis on social responsiblity. If the corporate culture has finally hijacked their mission statement, I may be forced to rethink my affiliation. My conscience has already been disturbed in other ways by the handing off of countless unhealthy beverages which are obviously not helping anyone battle obesity, heart disease, or all the other health related problems I've become more aware of lately. Which brings us to...
Cardio:
I've been sliding back into some old eating habits over the past week or so and neglecting the cardio a bit. I spent about 50 minutes on the treadmill early this morning (2am actually...which counts for the day before) and will get in another bout later today. The goal has been 6 days a week of cardio with 20-30 minutes on my strength training days and 50-60 minutes on the other 3 days. Now that I'm about 3 months into my new "healthstyle," the novelty has worn off, and the initial gains (strength) and losses (weight) are settling down. The next 3 months or so will be hard work to get to the maintenance phase. Good news from Gold's though...I start learning the ropes at the gym at Skytop (near Mt. Washington) on Monday so I can start training some clients there. Perhaps we'll get up to a livable income yet?!
Physical training is of some value...
It has been easy to invest so much time and energy into physical fitness lately since it yields a predictable and noticeable result. Spiritual fitness is so much more elusive and unpredictable. You're just like a ship dead on the water...raising the sails as best you know how...waiting for the wind to blow. A little wind...ruach...breath of God...Spirit...would certainly be welcome.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Things were bleak until...
I heard an add for GoBible!
Now I realize that I can stay plugged into God without unplugging from life! I can immerse myself in God's word when it's convenient for me. If I had only realized that the key to my spiritual success was at my fingertips all the time. "The GoBible™ makes God’s Word ACCESSIBLE to everyone..."
Actually, I shouldn't be so viciously sarcastic since I had downloaded the Scriptures to my PDA and recorded my Bible on CD to my ipod for awhile. Obviously, immersing oneself in God's Word is a good thing...but I think it was the advertising and marketing that was so repulsive when I heard it today on our local Christian radio station. And the tag line of "plug into God without unplugging from life" is just especially disturbing.
Anyway, we continue to struggle through a very difficult week personally. From the gremlins in my radiator and coolant system to the old demon of debt which has its talons deep in our backs...much of what some refer to as "life" is not going well. But I know that things could certainly be worse...and there are glimmers of light and hope around some of the dark edges each day...so be thankful for that, Chris!
I went on a little rabbit trail today digging up things about being "missional" and what that looks like. As we contemplate plugging back into a congregational expression of church here in the area...I try to fast-forward in my mind and decide what it will look like in about six months. Is it a place where process will be valued over programs? What about emphasizing disciples over decisions? Does the leadership see the number of people the church serves as more important than the number who attend church services? Can we live in and live out the Story of God rather than just discussing the Text? Will we raise up a passion within people to BE the church rather than just keep hiring professionals to DO church?
Along the lines of Rob's post on releasing the role of "convincer" and allowing God to manage our reputations... can we help focus a congregation on participating in the mission of God and allow Him to manage the results? I'm not ready to walk away from the denominational system I've been a part of for so long...but it is definitely a system. And the system's approach to rewarding certain behaviors and achievements can actually be a deterent to true Kingdom values.
I suppose we'll just have to TRUST God to make the path clear.
Now I realize that I can stay plugged into God without unplugging from life! I can immerse myself in God's word when it's convenient for me. If I had only realized that the key to my spiritual success was at my fingertips all the time. "The GoBible™ makes God’s Word ACCESSIBLE to everyone..."
Actually, I shouldn't be so viciously sarcastic since I had downloaded the Scriptures to my PDA and recorded my Bible on CD to my ipod for awhile. Obviously, immersing oneself in God's Word is a good thing...but I think it was the advertising and marketing that was so repulsive when I heard it today on our local Christian radio station. And the tag line of "plug into God without unplugging from life" is just especially disturbing.
Anyway, we continue to struggle through a very difficult week personally. From the gremlins in my radiator and coolant system to the old demon of debt which has its talons deep in our backs...much of what some refer to as "life" is not going well. But I know that things could certainly be worse...and there are glimmers of light and hope around some of the dark edges each day...so be thankful for that, Chris!
I went on a little rabbit trail today digging up things about being "missional" and what that looks like. As we contemplate plugging back into a congregational expression of church here in the area...I try to fast-forward in my mind and decide what it will look like in about six months. Is it a place where process will be valued over programs? What about emphasizing disciples over decisions? Does the leadership see the number of people the church serves as more important than the number who attend church services? Can we live in and live out the Story of God rather than just discussing the Text? Will we raise up a passion within people to BE the church rather than just keep hiring professionals to DO church?
Along the lines of Rob's post on releasing the role of "convincer" and allowing God to manage our reputations... can we help focus a congregation on participating in the mission of God and allow Him to manage the results? I'm not ready to walk away from the denominational system I've been a part of for so long...but it is definitely a system. And the system's approach to rewarding certain behaviors and achievements can actually be a deterent to true Kingdom values.
I suppose we'll just have to TRUST God to make the path clear.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
A Dark Day for the Soul
Interesting that Ryan should reference St. John of the Cross in that last comment section. The "dark night of the soul" has been a frequent phrase in my self talk over the past couple of years. However, I wouldn't presume to think that my current sufferings equal or surpass those of many throughout church history or those who currently suffer for Christ in tragic and life-threatening ways across the globe.
Yet pain is relative...and relative to any other experience or phase throughout my 35 years of journeying...the pain, confusion, and pressure we've been facing for over a year now often seems to near the point of emotional, spiritual, and even physical paralysis.
Today was an especially dark "day" of the soul. Three significantly negative and disappointing encounters/events took place between 4:45am and 4:45pm. The musician in me wants to sit down with my guitar, pick around in a minor key, and write a lament...
How long, Oh Lord, will the darkness surround me?!
My tears fall like rain in this storm of my soul...
If you don't protect me from all of these trials,
I'll crumble to pieces...I'll never be whole... How long?!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Happy Thanksgiving
To all you hardcore blog checkers who are making the rounds even on Thankgiving Day.
One of the many things I'm thankful for is the supportive online community of spiritual sojourners who keep tabs on me with encouragement as well as accountability.
Blessings on all of you and your families.
May His peace be yours...especially as we head into the hectic downhill stretch of 2006.
One of the many things I'm thankful for is the supportive online community of spiritual sojourners who keep tabs on me with encouragement as well as accountability.
Blessings on all of you and your families.
May His peace be yours...especially as we head into the hectic downhill stretch of 2006.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Examination Day
Well, just to bring everyone up to speed on the newest iron in my fire...I've been studying for about 2 months to become certified as a personal trainer. "Why" you may ask? Well, there are two reasons really. I've always been one of those health & fitness wannabe's. For some reason though, my goals just always eluded me typically due to a lack of discipline. I can remember about 3 different times that I purchased a gym membership and failed to take full advantage of it. But something clicked during our transition to Cincinnati and I decided that part of my journey towards health & wholeness would include physical fitness. Then I also realized that my income at Starbucks would not adequately support our family let alone propel us towards our goals of debt-lessness. As I pondered the possibilities of another part-time job, I knew it had to be something that would not feel like a job...something I could be passionate about...and something that would pay pretty well. At first, I wasn't sure such an opportunity existed (since I wasn't interested in speaking engagements, youth retreats, or worship "gigs" anymore). But after watching an episode of some reality-TV-meets-the-gym show, I thought...Eureka! I've found it...I'll be a personal trainer.
After cramming the names of obscure muscles and various principles of biomechanics and exercise physiology for the past two months...I spent four hours on the "final exam" this morning and just received the results via email a few moments ago.
I passed!!
On top of that, I've had two great interviews at a couple of private training studios here in Cincinnati and have a great door of opportunity at perhaps both of them. I should be training some clients within a few weeks. Both of the facilities are near my favorite part of the city and close to where we'd like to relocate sometime soon.
Enough about me though...God is saying some great things and affirming some things through the God Journey. I know I've referenced their stuff before...but you should definitely check out this episode. Give it a listen and come back for some dialogue.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
The Game of My Life
So far so good! This is a sporting event of epic proportions. The opening drive made me a little nervous...but Troy "Heisman" Smith is definitely firing off perfect passes.
Back to the action...
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Psalm 25
To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.
Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths
I've been bombarded with songs, scriptures, e-mails, podcast sermons, etc on trust this week. In a sermon on trust from Rick McKinley at Imago Dei in Portland, he pointed out the most common "do not" command in the Bible. More than any other command in the Scriptures is this one: "Do not be afraid." And in the particular text Rick was teaching from, it was in the context of "do not be afraid for I am with you." A little later in the story (of Abraham) God reassured Abe with these words, "For I am your shield, and I am your reward."
As I think back on my post about being angry, I have realized in the past few days that most of my anger is really directed at myself. And all the anger I've been sensing is simmering in a soup of fear. I'm afraid for my family...afraid financially...afraid for my marriage...afraid for my career...afraid of my calling...and the list could go on. But a little light has begun to flicker...a spark of hope...in God. Although I've recently told many that I don't feel inclined to trust God right now...what options am I faced with?
Part of the reason I've felt distrust towards God is due to what I have perceived as a lack of reward...or the lack of God "coming through" for us in difficult times. But I have certainly not been focused on God himself as my reward. The reward and provision has not come as I was hoping or expecting. Again, will I ever learn that God is more concerned with relationship than anything else?!
So perhaps a corner is being turned. I am taking steps to re-place my hope and trust in God. I want to re-align my will with His and agree that ease of life or material blessing is not the reward, but a deeper and more authentic intimacy with the Father...that's what we're after. I'm sure that as I get my mind off of myself...it will improve all of my relationships as well...not just the human-divine one.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Not Eating More Chikin in Columbus
Well, my quest for 52 more free combo meal coupons from Chick-fil-A will have to wait.
I must have gotten my information from an old website. Thinking the grand opening of the Grove City Chick-fil-A was tomorrow morning, I drove to Columbus and found the building still under construction. It won't be opening until Dec 14th...the same day the one in Carmel, IN opens. Dang it...I was hoping to go to both of those openings.
Some think I'm a bit obsessed with the Atlanta-based purveyor of chicken...but I'm saving a ton of $ eating there as well as keeping my nutritional goals on track. By exchanging the fruit cup for fries and eating the chargrilled version...and drinking unsweetened tea with Splenda...I'm only getting about 300 calories and 3g of fat!!
Speaking of calories...I've been burning lots of them. For the first time in many many years...I'm about to drop back into the 180's as I weighed in at 191 the other day. I have a pair of 32w x 32L jeans hanging on the bathroom door which I hope to fit into by Thanksgiving. (I've been between 36's & 38's for the past few years) I know...I sound like a girl obsessed with fitting into that bridal gown or something! But the "bottom" line is about being fit and healthy. The body/mind/soul connection is undeniable. And I think the increased physical discipline, the balancing out of my body weight, and the stress relieving effect of exercise are just some of the reasons I'm turning a corner emotionally and spiritually as well.
My new role as an assistant manager with Starbucks begins on Monday. That will greatly enhance the paycheck and give me more administrative responsibility in the store...which is very good. I stopped by a training studio/gym this afternoon to drop off a resume. It's run by one of the guys who I interview with a couple of weeks ago for a personal trainer position. Because I'm brand new to the industry, it's going to take some time for me to earn some clientele, but the guy was very supportive and excited about my potential to learn and excel in the "biz." So I can actually start spending some time with him and his team to learn the trade and shadow some of the veteran trainers. Very cool opportunity. I take the gigantic certification exam one week from today. I'm still trying to memorize all the muscles and how to train them, stretch them, and hypertrophize them!
I must have gotten my information from an old website. Thinking the grand opening of the Grove City Chick-fil-A was tomorrow morning, I drove to Columbus and found the building still under construction. It won't be opening until Dec 14th...the same day the one in Carmel, IN opens. Dang it...I was hoping to go to both of those openings.Some think I'm a bit obsessed with the Atlanta-based purveyor of chicken...but I'm saving a ton of $ eating there as well as keeping my nutritional goals on track. By exchanging the fruit cup for fries and eating the chargrilled version...and drinking unsweetened tea with Splenda...I'm only getting about 300 calories and 3g of fat!!
Speaking of calories...I've been burning lots of them. For the first time in many many years...I'm about to drop back into the 180's as I weighed in at 191 the other day. I have a pair of 32w x 32L jeans hanging on the bathroom door which I hope to fit into by Thanksgiving. (I've been between 36's & 38's for the past few years) I know...I sound like a girl obsessed with fitting into that bridal gown or something! But the "bottom" line is about being fit and healthy. The body/mind/soul connection is undeniable. And I think the increased physical discipline, the balancing out of my body weight, and the stress relieving effect of exercise are just some of the reasons I'm turning a corner emotionally and spiritually as well.
My new role as an assistant manager with Starbucks begins on Monday. That will greatly enhance the paycheck and give me more administrative responsibility in the store...which is very good. I stopped by a training studio/gym this afternoon to drop off a resume. It's run by one of the guys who I interview with a couple of weeks ago for a personal trainer position. Because I'm brand new to the industry, it's going to take some time for me to earn some clientele, but the guy was very supportive and excited about my potential to learn and excel in the "biz." So I can actually start spending some time with him and his team to learn the trade and shadow some of the veteran trainers. Very cool opportunity. I take the gigantic certification exam one week from today. I'm still trying to memorize all the muscles and how to train them, stretch them, and hypertrophize them!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Speaking of Well-fed...
I had two great meetings and conversations today along with some good food. The encounters proved to be very refreshing even though they both left me with an urgent longing for some more clarity.
This evening's conversation was with an old college buddy most of us know as "Mossy." (Sorry, Jason...by "old" I was just referring to those good "old" days!) Our youth ministry paths crossed many times between the college days and now...but it's been awhile since we shared a meal and life together. My lunch was with a new friend who has had some similar experiences in life and ministry. His journey has brought him to a newstart here in Cincinnati where he's trying to pick up the reigns and lead this young congregation towards being a missional and relational church. It's a group/congregation which we've been visiting and with whom we're considering to be a part of. Today's conversation certainly opened that door a bit wider.
Sharing some deep honest hopes and hurts felt like the embrace of God today. I guess He doesn't hold a grudge like me.
This evening's conversation was with an old college buddy most of us know as "Mossy." (Sorry, Jason...by "old" I was just referring to those good "old" days!) Our youth ministry paths crossed many times between the college days and now...but it's been awhile since we shared a meal and life together. My lunch was with a new friend who has had some similar experiences in life and ministry. His journey has brought him to a newstart here in Cincinnati where he's trying to pick up the reigns and lead this young congregation towards being a missional and relational church. It's a group/congregation which we've been visiting and with whom we're considering to be a part of. Today's conversation certainly opened that door a bit wider.
Sharing some deep honest hopes and hurts felt like the embrace of God today. I guess He doesn't hold a grudge like me.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Alaska or Bust?!
After a recent conversation with Deb (my wife) regarding my current perspective on spiritual things, I was forced to spend a little more time reflecting on my "God journey" these days. Regardless of HOW I got to this point...it's exactly where I'm at and therefore the starting place for each new day.
First of all, I'm a bit angry.
This is an important piece of background information to be aware of. That I'm angry is obvious to me. Why I'm angry is a little less clear. Some days I just sense an anger and frustration with life and the negative circumstances we're enduring. But on other days (dare I say MOST days) I am particularly disappointed and angry with God. Now I'm not just talking about a momentary lapse of warm fuzzies...it's a potent amount of fury which I can't find any more appropriate target for than God. In order to protect a tiny amount of privacy and dignity for myself and my family, I won't share particular details here...but suffice it to say that over the past 3 years or so, I perceive that God has allowed some pretty rotten things to transpire in our lives. And the worst of it is that we completely trusted God to lead and provide the entire time. We begged and pleaded for God to give us direction on certain matters! And it would be one thing to feel like God screwed me over personally. But it's more serious than that. The way I see it...God has actually acted against us as a family...including my faithful servant-hearted wife...and my innocent little girls.
So to review (for those who wish to be active listeners), what I'm saying is that I feel God has rewarded twelve years of pastoral labor and service with the darkest days and deepest valley of our married and parental lives. It's fair to say that I have a continuously simmering soup of anger within which I marinate daily.
Now...having admitted that unhealthy bit of information...let me connect some of the dots which might illustrate where I'm at on matters of "church." The "church" has been a willing participant in my demise...as well as the spiritual demise of many others. Although many churches are doing some good things and have the best of intentions, I think that the general state of the church in most of its sectarian manifestations (whether evangelical, mainline protestant, catholic, etc) is an unhealthy system of religious activity and organization. One of the guys from the God Journey podcast (can't remember if it was Wayne or Brad) referred to a pastor who basically stated that being a successful church growing/planting pastor by today's standards requires of set of skills which doesn't necessarily include a dynamic and authentic transforming relationship with Jesus. And I found that very true in my 12 years of youth ministry. Being a success in the eyes of parents, students, and peers demanded many things of me...but genuine spiritual intimacy with God was not necessarily one of them. Is the church directly to blame for my un-mentored and under-developed spiritual journey? I don't believe so. But you have to admit there's something wrong with a system/"church" which praises the administratively and oratorically gifted person...but immediately disqualifies and abandons the leader who shows any signs of moral weakness or failure though it's own deficient environment of accountability and true soul care is mostly to blame.
I'm not saying it's time for all of us to abandon the ship...but I do think it's time to question why we're more focused on the ship than on the destination or journey with God?! Perhaps to illustrate, I would liken it to a group of people who are passionate about going to visit Alaska. But once their dingy gets upgraded to a palatial decked out cruise ship...they become more concerned with all the luxuries and programming available on board...and the focus on Alaskan exploration gets lost along the way.
To continue with this illustration...I feel like I got a glimpse of the destination from the upper deck through the dense fog and I've launched one of the little life rafts off of the cruise ship. But now I've washed up on a little island. From my unfortunate vantage point, I can see the ship with all its well-fed and entertained passengers...but I can also see the beautiful mountainous Alaskan wilderness in the distance, waiting to be explored. Only, I'm not headed that direction either...not yet anyway. I'm too angry for falling, jumping, or being tossed overboard (not sure what really happened). And for now, it seems that I have no recourse but to sit still and wait for an appropriate vessel to appear so I can set sail for the holy wild land God has promised.
First of all, I'm a bit angry.
This is an important piece of background information to be aware of. That I'm angry is obvious to me. Why I'm angry is a little less clear. Some days I just sense an anger and frustration with life and the negative circumstances we're enduring. But on other days (dare I say MOST days) I am particularly disappointed and angry with God. Now I'm not just talking about a momentary lapse of warm fuzzies...it's a potent amount of fury which I can't find any more appropriate target for than God. In order to protect a tiny amount of privacy and dignity for myself and my family, I won't share particular details here...but suffice it to say that over the past 3 years or so, I perceive that God has allowed some pretty rotten things to transpire in our lives. And the worst of it is that we completely trusted God to lead and provide the entire time. We begged and pleaded for God to give us direction on certain matters! And it would be one thing to feel like God screwed me over personally. But it's more serious than that. The way I see it...God has actually acted against us as a family...including my faithful servant-hearted wife...and my innocent little girls.
So to review (for those who wish to be active listeners), what I'm saying is that I feel God has rewarded twelve years of pastoral labor and service with the darkest days and deepest valley of our married and parental lives. It's fair to say that I have a continuously simmering soup of anger within which I marinate daily.
Now...having admitted that unhealthy bit of information...let me connect some of the dots which might illustrate where I'm at on matters of "church." The "church" has been a willing participant in my demise...as well as the spiritual demise of many others. Although many churches are doing some good things and have the best of intentions, I think that the general state of the church in most of its sectarian manifestations (whether evangelical, mainline protestant, catholic, etc) is an unhealthy system of religious activity and organization. One of the guys from the God Journey podcast (can't remember if it was Wayne or Brad) referred to a pastor who basically stated that being a successful church growing/planting pastor by today's standards requires of set of skills which doesn't necessarily include a dynamic and authentic transforming relationship with Jesus. And I found that very true in my 12 years of youth ministry. Being a success in the eyes of parents, students, and peers demanded many things of me...but genuine spiritual intimacy with God was not necessarily one of them. Is the church directly to blame for my un-mentored and under-developed spiritual journey? I don't believe so. But you have to admit there's something wrong with a system/"church" which praises the administratively and oratorically gifted person...but immediately disqualifies and abandons the leader who shows any signs of moral weakness or failure though it's own deficient environment of accountability and true soul care is mostly to blame.
I'm not saying it's time for all of us to abandon the ship...but I do think it's time to question why we're more focused on the ship than on the destination or journey with God?! Perhaps to illustrate, I would liken it to a group of people who are passionate about going to visit Alaska. But once their dingy gets upgraded to a palatial decked out cruise ship...they become more concerned with all the luxuries and programming available on board...and the focus on Alaskan exploration gets lost along the way.
To continue with this illustration...I feel like I got a glimpse of the destination from the upper deck through the dense fog and I've launched one of the little life rafts off of the cruise ship. But now I've washed up on a little island. From my unfortunate vantage point, I can see the ship with all its well-fed and entertained passengers...but I can also see the beautiful mountainous Alaskan wilderness in the distance, waiting to be explored. Only, I'm not headed that direction either...not yet anyway. I'm too angry for falling, jumping, or being tossed overboard (not sure what really happened). And for now, it seems that I have no recourse but to sit still and wait for an appropriate vessel to appear so I can set sail for the holy wild land God has promised.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Sleeping Beauty
I'm in an argument with my daughter of 3 years right now. She is trying to convince me that a sticker on my computer is Sleeping Beauty rather than Cinderella. Now I'm calling her Sleeping Beauty and she says "I not Sleeping Beauty...see my hair" (she says holding up a lock of her own hair to show me the different color) "Sleeping Beauty has yellow hair!"
"Well then," I say "I will call you Jaquey the Beautiful."
She smirks and reluctantly decides "I guess you can call me that."
I hope she will continue in her simple, innocent, creative, and energetic approach to life for many more years.
There definitely comes a point when simplicity gives way to complexity...innocence is darkened with shame...and the energy necessary to simply exist is daily spent with many minutes leftover. But I have to believe that this is living under the curse and not the blessing. Why would we choose to live in Genesis 3 rather than chapter 2?
In some ways right now, I feel this incredible amount of freedom and decreased anxiety. Our lives have really been simplified. We no longer spend 4 or 5 of our evenings each week "doing church." Faith and spirituality are integrated into our everyday lives in what seems to be a more healthy way. On the other hand, my level of spiritual "activity" and ministry involvement is so drastically reduced that I feel like a back-slidden heathen. I'm exaggerating a bit...but I definitely have a nagging sense that in walking away from church (for the most part) that I've walked away from God. But I'm wondering if that is just the result of being in an unhealthy balance for so many years?
Our search for a place and a gathering continues. I think if I can put aside some petty irritations and be a little more optimistic, we can settle in at LifeSpring and get to know some people there. Part of the reluctance on my part, though, has to do with the uncertainty of where we'll be living in six more months. I don't think the current situation (with my wonderful in-laws) can continue much beyond that time fram, but it just depends on how quickly we can turn things around financially.
We shall see.
"Well then," I say "I will call you Jaquey the Beautiful."
She smirks and reluctantly decides "I guess you can call me that."
I hope she will continue in her simple, innocent, creative, and energetic approach to life for many more years.
There definitely comes a point when simplicity gives way to complexity...innocence is darkened with shame...and the energy necessary to simply exist is daily spent with many minutes leftover. But I have to believe that this is living under the curse and not the blessing. Why would we choose to live in Genesis 3 rather than chapter 2?
In some ways right now, I feel this incredible amount of freedom and decreased anxiety. Our lives have really been simplified. We no longer spend 4 or 5 of our evenings each week "doing church." Faith and spirituality are integrated into our everyday lives in what seems to be a more healthy way. On the other hand, my level of spiritual "activity" and ministry involvement is so drastically reduced that I feel like a back-slidden heathen. I'm exaggerating a bit...but I definitely have a nagging sense that in walking away from church (for the most part) that I've walked away from God. But I'm wondering if that is just the result of being in an unhealthy balance for so many years?
Our search for a place and a gathering continues. I think if I can put aside some petty irritations and be a little more optimistic, we can settle in at LifeSpring and get to know some people there. Part of the reluctance on my part, though, has to do with the uncertainty of where we'll be living in six more months. I don't think the current situation (with my wonderful in-laws) can continue much beyond that time fram, but it just depends on how quickly we can turn things around financially.
We shall see.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Transition = Confusion
As I look back over some of my oldests posts, I notice how infrequently I encounter those 'moments of clarity' that I often look for. Life is so complex and multi-faceted...I find myself at a real loss when it comes to taking any kind of decisive action. It's like the mass of tangled cords and wires behind my computer desk. The wires and cables buried within seem so tangled...it's just going to take some plug-pulling to make sense of the mess.
And to make matters worse...the only comments and emails I received on that last post were from UofM fans! I love you guys, but my Buckeyes are looking pretty good...especially if you're going to struggle against Ball State, eh?! Actually, I'm really looking forward to the battle on Nov 18th...and hope to see both teams bring it.
And to make matters worse...the only comments and emails I received on that last post were from UofM fans! I love you guys, but my Buckeyes are looking pretty good...especially if you're going to struggle against Ball State, eh?! Actually, I'm really looking forward to the battle on Nov 18th...and hope to see both teams bring it.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Go Bucks!
The Scarlet & Gray continue their beautiful journey towards an Arizona Championship game. They always seem to have one bad quarter though. Hopefully, that won't be the quarter that Michigan decides to turn it on...like against Ball State yesterday.
The Buckeyes shoud've had about 40 points against Illinois but a win's a win, eh?!
The Starbucks schedule is really wearing me down right now. Fortunately, the scenery will change soon as I was promoted to an assistant manager position at a store in Newport, KY...just south of downtown Cincinnati. Hopefully, that will also lead to a more family-friendly schedule. Starbucks certainly is less stressful and demanding than ministry...but I always miss the autonomy and flexibility ministry provided. Don't worry, I'm not brushing off the resume...just whining.
I asked my trainer at Gold's to change up my leg workout Friday morning. He must have heard me say inhumanely intensify my leg workout...cause I'm having trouble negotiating steps and even some flat terrain today. I have about two weeks until my big certification exam for personal training. Hopefully it won't be painful to sit for three hours by then.
Monday, October 30, 2006
An After Photo
(I won't show you my 'before' photo since that would just look like I'm going to sell you some magic juice and a book) I think when I get certified as a fitness trainer, I'll automatically morph into this guy. That'll be sweet. Actually, looking at this hardbody reminds me that there's a dangerous vanity trap in this fitness endeavor/kick that I'm on. But I don't think I'll have to worry about EVER looking this ripped. I'll just be glad to fit into the 32" jeans I just bought to motivate me towards that goal by Thankgiving.So for those who have been following my blog lately, this seems to be completely off the subject and random. But I actually have an interview with a gym owner in downtown Cincinnati this coming Tuesday. We have a mutual friend at Starbucks who gave me the lead. I also just scheduled my exam now that I have the CPR thing out of the way. I take a 3-hour computer-based exam on Tuesday Nov 21st at 9am. That gives me just over 3 weeks to absorb a gigantic fitness text and memorize every muscle in the body and how to train it...at least 3 different ways!
Back to the church dilemma, Deb and the girls had a rough night and slept in this morning so I took advantage of the opportunity to attend at St. E's again in Norwood. Something just really clicks when I'm there and I can't even articulate what it is. And interestingly, I was noticing today how diverse this group of people is. From socio-economics to politics...it's really not what I would call a homogenous group of people...much like the groups you find at the traditional churches we've been a part of in the past.
I sure appreciate all the great comments folks have been leaving on my blog here. Keep it coming! The words of wisdom, advice, suggestions, cautions, rebukes, etc...are all good to hear.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Gracious Comments
As I opened up my hotmailbox tonight, I had this nervous anxiety over what I might read. As I read over comments from James, Brandon, and Jason, I was reminded of what gracious and Godly friends I have. Thanks to each of you for the good insights (except for the Caribou reference!) and ways in which you help me re-examine and re-direct my often irrational knee-jerk blog'bursts.
(Just kidding Jason...I can even respect your affection for Caribou. Half of their employees in Columbus were prior Starbucks partners I think! I just hosted a coffee seminar at Starbucks today for about a dozen java lovers and it's really bizarre how much I love to explore, taste, and share coffee with others. Regardless of what kind of coffee it is and where it's grown...there's such a great story behind each coffee bean, the hands that harvested it, and the final fortunate recipient of the brew. I'm sure there's a spiritual analogy here, but I'm fighting the urge to spiritualize everything.)
To James, I'd just like to say blessings on the exploration ahead and the redefining of your role in the tribe, denomination, and community. I celebrate alongside you guys over the path your family is now traveling. Wish I could join you to hear JW.
To Brandon...let's definitely get together soon. We're looking at the Norwood area as a potential place to put down some new roots. One of the reasons would be proximity to Xavier and a chance to do some studying there. I completely respect all that you're saying about staying, learning, and working through the issues of church where the "grind" definitely adds more flavor to the cup from which you're drinking.
To Jason...thanks for clashing the iron together for me and revealing a blind spot in my critique. I definitely don't think two wrongs make a right...but your point is well taken. I'd like to think we would personally be much more generous with our abundance than we have in the past. Of course, it may be awhile before we know "abundance" again. Starbucks doesn't pay me HALF of what BCN did!
To the rest of you...Shalom!
May the peace of Christ be with you
(Just kidding Jason...I can even respect your affection for Caribou. Half of their employees in Columbus were prior Starbucks partners I think! I just hosted a coffee seminar at Starbucks today for about a dozen java lovers and it's really bizarre how much I love to explore, taste, and share coffee with others. Regardless of what kind of coffee it is and where it's grown...there's such a great story behind each coffee bean, the hands that harvested it, and the final fortunate recipient of the brew. I'm sure there's a spiritual analogy here, but I'm fighting the urge to spiritualize everything.)
To James, I'd just like to say blessings on the exploration ahead and the redefining of your role in the tribe, denomination, and community. I celebrate alongside you guys over the path your family is now traveling. Wish I could join you to hear JW.
To Brandon...let's definitely get together soon. We're looking at the Norwood area as a potential place to put down some new roots. One of the reasons would be proximity to Xavier and a chance to do some studying there. I completely respect all that you're saying about staying, learning, and working through the issues of church where the "grind" definitely adds more flavor to the cup from which you're drinking.
To Jason...thanks for clashing the iron together for me and revealing a blind spot in my critique. I definitely don't think two wrongs make a right...but your point is well taken. I'd like to think we would personally be much more generous with our abundance than we have in the past. Of course, it may be awhile before we know "abundance" again. Starbucks doesn't pay me HALF of what BCN did!
To the rest of you...Shalom!
May the peace of Christ be with you
Gracious Comments
As I opened up my hotmailbox tonight, I had this nervous anxiety over what I might read. As I read over comments from James, Brandon, and Jason, I was reminded of what gracious and Godly friends I have. Thanks to each of you for the good insights (except for the Caribou reference!) and ways in which you help me re-examine and re-direct my often irrational knee-jerk blog'bursts.
(Just kidding Jason...I can even respect your affection for Caribou. Half of their employees in Columbus were prior Starbucks partners I think! I just hosted a coffee seminar at Starbucks today for about a dozen java lovers and it's really bizarre how much I love to explore, taste, and share coffee with others. Regardless of what kind of coffee it is and where it's grown...there's such a great story behind each coffee bean, the hands that harvested it, and the final fortunate recipient of the brew. I'm sure there's a spiritual analogy here, but I'm fighting the urge to spiritualize everything.)
To James, I'd just like to say blessings on the exploration ahead and the redefining of your role in the tribe, denomination, and community. I celebrate alongside you guys over the path your family is now traveling. Wish I could join you to hear JW.
To Brandon...let's definitely get together soon. We're looking at the Norwood area as a potential place to put down some new roots. One of the reasons would be proximity to Xavier and a chance to do some studying there. I completely respect all that you're saying about staying, learning, and working through the issues of church where the "grind" definitely adds more flavor to the cup from which you're drinking.
To Jason...thanks for clashing the iron together for me and revealing a blind spot in my critique. I definitely don't think two wrongs make a right...but your point is well taken. I'd like to think we would personally be much more generous with our abundance than we have in the past. Of course, it may be awhile before we know "abundance" again. Starbucks doesn't pay me HALF of what BCN did!
To the rest of you...Shalom!
May the peace of Christ be with you
(Just kidding Jason...I can even respect your affection for Caribou. Half of their employees in Columbus were prior Starbucks partners I think! I just hosted a coffee seminar at Starbucks today for about a dozen java lovers and it's really bizarre how much I love to explore, taste, and share coffee with others. Regardless of what kind of coffee it is and where it's grown...there's such a great story behind each coffee bean, the hands that harvested it, and the final fortunate recipient of the brew. I'm sure there's a spiritual analogy here, but I'm fighting the urge to spiritualize everything.)
To James, I'd just like to say blessings on the exploration ahead and the redefining of your role in the tribe, denomination, and community. I celebrate alongside you guys over the path your family is now traveling. Wish I could join you to hear JW.
To Brandon...let's definitely get together soon. We're looking at the Norwood area as a potential place to put down some new roots. One of the reasons would be proximity to Xavier and a chance to do some studying there. I completely respect all that you're saying about staying, learning, and working through the issues of church where the "grind" definitely adds more flavor to the cup from which you're drinking.
To Jason...thanks for clashing the iron together for me and revealing a blind spot in my critique. I definitely don't think two wrongs make a right...but your point is well taken. I'd like to think we would personally be much more generous with our abundance than we have in the past. Of course, it may be awhile before we know "abundance" again. Starbucks doesn't pay me HALF of what BCN did!
To the rest of you...Shalom!
May the peace of Christ be with you
Friday, October 27, 2006
From Comment to Post
This began as a comment on a friends blog but grew into something I thought I should just post here. Here are a couple of comments I've excised from his entry which you can feel free to check out here in its entirety.
I'm not sure why, but his comments and posts like these are just ticking me off! That's not necessarily a bad thing because it makes me process things a little more and look more at WHY I feel/think the way I do. But what does one mean by "abadoning the church"
...abandoning YOUR church?
And abandoning A church is much different from abandoning THE CHURCH.
Of course, my "abandonment" (which is not yet complete) includes an element of reaction. I'm reacting against the machinery and convolution of being on staff at a church that spends 90% of it's resources on staff and facilities and maybe 10% on mission and compassionate generous activity(that stat is fairly accurate for all 4 churches at which I've served). Now speaking of being reactionary, I suppose I could just react to my friend's blog as well (we really are friends!) but I'll resist the urge to do that by presenting a case for my exit from the church.
I've been listening to a couple of guys on the "God Journey" podcast who are having some good conversations on this topic. It's obvious that they've both exited what most of us would describe as conventional or traditional church. And they often speak of the unproductive "us" vs. "them" terminology and blame games which are commonplace in this arena of religious vs. relational approaches to God. Even describing the conflict as "religous vs. relational" creates a critical and defensive posture and attitude. Most conventional/traditional churches would argue that they believe in authentic relationship with God rather than religious obligatory spiritual behavior (pharisaical or legalistic). From my current perspective...which is kind of in between both worlds...I definitely see some very unhealthy sytemic, institutional, and religious dysfunction which has to be addressed. I will not further jeopardize my spiritual health or that of my family for the sake of loyalty and peacemaking.
My thoughts keep spinning off in many different directions which makes it very difficult to craft a sensical thesis here. And I won't deny that there's some defensiveness and reaction in my heart as well as my blog. But I honestly believe you can abandon a church without abandoning THE Church.
I’ve realized more and more lately how much I appreciate being in a group
of people with whom I often disagree, notably my church. I tend to give a
hard time to people that have abandoned the church. I’m beginning to
figure out why it is so valuable to stay.
If I had left the church, or found a church where everyone was just like
me, where it was easy to be me and easy to be friendly and like people…what
would I accomplish?
I'm not sure why, but his comments and posts like these are just ticking me off! That's not necessarily a bad thing because it makes me process things a little more and look more at WHY I feel/think the way I do. But what does one mean by "abadoning the church"
...abandoning YOUR church?
And abandoning A church is much different from abandoning THE CHURCH.
Of course, my "abandonment" (which is not yet complete) includes an element of reaction. I'm reacting against the machinery and convolution of being on staff at a church that spends 90% of it's resources on staff and facilities and maybe 10% on mission and compassionate generous activity(that stat is fairly accurate for all 4 churches at which I've served). Now speaking of being reactionary, I suppose I could just react to my friend's blog as well (we really are friends!) but I'll resist the urge to do that by presenting a case for my exit from the church.
I've been listening to a couple of guys on the "God Journey" podcast who are having some good conversations on this topic. It's obvious that they've both exited what most of us would describe as conventional or traditional church. And they often speak of the unproductive "us" vs. "them" terminology and blame games which are commonplace in this arena of religious vs. relational approaches to God. Even describing the conflict as "religous vs. relational" creates a critical and defensive posture and attitude. Most conventional/traditional churches would argue that they believe in authentic relationship with God rather than religious obligatory spiritual behavior (pharisaical or legalistic). From my current perspective...which is kind of in between both worlds...I definitely see some very unhealthy sytemic, institutional, and religious dysfunction which has to be addressed. I will not further jeopardize my spiritual health or that of my family for the sake of loyalty and peacemaking.
My thoughts keep spinning off in many different directions which makes it very difficult to craft a sensical thesis here. And I won't deny that there's some defensiveness and reaction in my heart as well as my blog. But I honestly believe you can abandon a church without abandoning THE Church.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
I Guess Wedgies Aren't "PC"
Occasionally I actually read some of the news articles which are linked from my homepage. I suppose it's my version of reading the daily newspaper (which I don't actually do).
One of the articles I read today was about a principal in Montana who was suspended because he gave a senior soccer player a wedgie. Apparently he pulled his jersey over his head and then yanked on the ol' underwear band (aka...the wedgie). Obviously, many people in the community were outraged and demanding his resignation while some had a more humane and forgiving attitude. But I like what the principle himself said about the incident...
He said his first reaction was to resign, but he wanted to "tackle this mess" head on. "I want to live in a world where we don't have to hide when we screw up," he said.
Isn't that our first reaction when we mess up? To run and hide...or disappear for awhile...or move to a new place...or stitch together some fig leaves for clothes.
One of the articles I read today was about a principal in Montana who was suspended because he gave a senior soccer player a wedgie. Apparently he pulled his jersey over his head and then yanked on the ol' underwear band (aka...the wedgie). Obviously, many people in the community were outraged and demanding his resignation while some had a more humane and forgiving attitude. But I like what the principle himself said about the incident...
He said his first reaction was to resign, but he wanted to "tackle this mess" head on. "I want to live in a world where we don't have to hide when we screw up," he said.
Isn't that our first reaction when we mess up? To run and hide...or disappear for awhile...or move to a new place...or stitch together some fig leaves for clothes.
Good Starbucks News
An encouraging phone call came from my district manager at Starbucks today. I've been offered a position as assistant manager which brings me back to where I left off with Starbucks in Columbus. That's very good news since it means a pay increase and a step closer to getting my own store. I'm really hoping that happens by the end of next summer. I'll try to be a little more patient with the process this time and not bail out when something looks a little "greener." The promotion will take effect in a couple of weeks and most likely mean relocating to a new store. That will mean a bit more of a drive...but the change of scenery will be nice.
Have you ever gotten stuck in the rut of regret?
I'm there.
As I look back and replay the last coupld of years over in my head, I have these massive episodes of "what if?" and "if only..." It makes me sense a connection with those individuals who don't seem able to get beyond something in their past. Typically, I think that happens when people are wronged or victimized in some way...it becomes very difficult to "get over it" and move ahead. For me, it's more of this gnawing sense of how much better our lives (the family) would be had we.... And just to be painfully vulnerable once again (though I often regret that too), I'm holding God mostly responsible. How I begged and prayed for God to give us clear direction and show us some definitive path to follow. All I got was the spiritual version of crickets chirping. So we moved forward with what seemed prudent, spiritual, logical, and the right thing to do. Now I can't seem to deal with how much it sucks. Want to cast doubt on my/our relationship with God at the time as the explanation for the lack of direct communication and guidance? Feel free...but God knows what my heart and motivations have been over the past 15 years! I don't think it's that...I think there's something very sinister going on...and it continues.
Dangit! This post started off so positively too?!
By the way, Brandon...great point about the cup/sleeve thing!
Have you ever gotten stuck in the rut of regret?
I'm there.
As I look back and replay the last coupld of years over in my head, I have these massive episodes of "what if?" and "if only..." It makes me sense a connection with those individuals who don't seem able to get beyond something in their past. Typically, I think that happens when people are wronged or victimized in some way...it becomes very difficult to "get over it" and move ahead. For me, it's more of this gnawing sense of how much better our lives (the family) would be had we.... And just to be painfully vulnerable once again (though I often regret that too), I'm holding God mostly responsible. How I begged and prayed for God to give us clear direction and show us some definitive path to follow. All I got was the spiritual version of crickets chirping. So we moved forward with what seemed prudent, spiritual, logical, and the right thing to do. Now I can't seem to deal with how much it sucks. Want to cast doubt on my/our relationship with God at the time as the explanation for the lack of direct communication and guidance? Feel free...but God knows what my heart and motivations have been over the past 15 years! I don't think it's that...I think there's something very sinister going on...and it continues.
Dangit! This post started off so positively too?!
By the way, Brandon...great point about the cup/sleeve thing!
Monday, October 23, 2006
My Achin' Glutes
So I had a great leg workout at Gold's before heading over to Starbucks. Doing that right before an 8-hour shift is not what I'd call ideal timing. But I was glad to get back to the gym after missing a coupld of days. We spent Friday/Saturday with the younger bro and his family in Indy. Good times, I must say!
Tomorrow I am supposed to meet with my District Manager and another DM in the area for a sort of interview. I'm hoping to make the jump back to an assistant manager role for Starbucks. That would sure help our case financially...especially if I can get my store back into the "bonus" realm! Then I would hope to be bumped up to a position as store manager by next summer if not earlier. A year or two as a store manager should be good preparation for becoming a district manager. Then perhaps one more jump up to regional director in 2012 to finish up the Starbucks journey. Should be fun.
In the meantime, I'm very close to finishing my certification with ACE in order to start some personal training on the side. I have to knock out a CPR class next weekend and then take a 3-hour exam in early November. About two more weeks of studying should do the trick. Once I'm certified, I'll either try to start training some clients at Gold's or get connected with another gym in the Norwood/Silverton area. I have a Starbucks connection which could help out a latte!
Now on to spiritual concerns. To follow-up with my last post, let's just say I've taken someone's suggestion to relax a bit and give God and myself some time to adjust to all the transitions we're still navigating. It's a relief to think that I don't have to "fix" this problem immediately. Instead, I'll just take advantage of opportunities to cultivate some community here and there and allow God to work through some relationships and friendships for the time being.
Unfortunately though...I had a difficult worship experience this morning. I'm trying to do what feels to me to be the "right thing" and attend a gathering which I'm not crazy about. I want to give it more time because it does seem to be a good fit for our family as a whole. But I had some issues with the message as well as the worship and the whole environment to be truthful. I'm sure there's a part of me that pretty much wants to be part of a different gathering...so it's hard to be objective. I'll keep trying...so all the Nazarene loyalists will be happy! (just messing with you guys... ;-)
Blessings,
Chris
Tomorrow I am supposed to meet with my District Manager and another DM in the area for a sort of interview. I'm hoping to make the jump back to an assistant manager role for Starbucks. That would sure help our case financially...especially if I can get my store back into the "bonus" realm! Then I would hope to be bumped up to a position as store manager by next summer if not earlier. A year or two as a store manager should be good preparation for becoming a district manager. Then perhaps one more jump up to regional director in 2012 to finish up the Starbucks journey. Should be fun.
In the meantime, I'm very close to finishing my certification with ACE in order to start some personal training on the side. I have to knock out a CPR class next weekend and then take a 3-hour exam in early November. About two more weeks of studying should do the trick. Once I'm certified, I'll either try to start training some clients at Gold's or get connected with another gym in the Norwood/Silverton area. I have a Starbucks connection which could help out a latte!
Now on to spiritual concerns. To follow-up with my last post, let's just say I've taken someone's suggestion to relax a bit and give God and myself some time to adjust to all the transitions we're still navigating. It's a relief to think that I don't have to "fix" this problem immediately. Instead, I'll just take advantage of opportunities to cultivate some community here and there and allow God to work through some relationships and friendships for the time being.
Unfortunately though...I had a difficult worship experience this morning. I'm trying to do what feels to me to be the "right thing" and attend a gathering which I'm not crazy about. I want to give it more time because it does seem to be a good fit for our family as a whole. But I had some issues with the message as well as the worship and the whole environment to be truthful. I'm sure there's a part of me that pretty much wants to be part of a different gathering...so it's hard to be objective. I'll keep trying...so all the Nazarene loyalists will be happy! (just messing with you guys... ;-)
Blessings,
Chris
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
A Painful Path
I was just catching up with the recent posts of a college friend who found out last week that she has breast cancer. Reading the combination of humor and hurt certainly jolts something within me right now.
What is cancer? I'm obviously no oncologist or remotely educated on the subject, but my basic understanding is that it's the presence of destructive mutated unhealthy cells and tissue in the body. And apparently, the only way to fight it...is to consume or be exposed to a treatment which kills not only the cancer but surrounding tissue as well.
To make an oversimplified analogy...I'm wondering if I have an emotional or spiritual cancer (the latter could perhaps be identified with sin...but that's not necessarily what I'm talking about). What I mean to say is that I seem to have something destructive, negative, and cynical growing within me...and it's killing some of the healthy parts. For instance, I'm very cynical right now about all the spiritual disciplines and exercises which I've engaged in (religiously and mostly out of obligation) for the past 25 years or so. So things like prayer, reading scripture, and corporate worship just seem like exercises in ambivalence.
Obviously, I need to find some creative way to incorporate these spiritual "disciplines" back into my daily diet. But I have this heightened sensitivity right now towards anything that's inauthentic or towards doing anything religious simply because it's the right thing to do. All those things should flow naturally from a healthy relationship with God...right?! But is there a way to develop a healthy relationship with God apart from doing those things?. Spiritual Catch 22, eh?!
But back to my friend, Andrea, and her present struggle. It reminds me that I'm grumbling and feeling kind of pathetic towards my current situation. Pathetic...pathological...path...I'm not enjoying this part of the path. So why can I not just CHOOSE and DECIDE and WILL myself down a different path? That's what I would like to do.
What is cancer? I'm obviously no oncologist or remotely educated on the subject, but my basic understanding is that it's the presence of destructive mutated unhealthy cells and tissue in the body. And apparently, the only way to fight it...is to consume or be exposed to a treatment which kills not only the cancer but surrounding tissue as well.
To make an oversimplified analogy...I'm wondering if I have an emotional or spiritual cancer (the latter could perhaps be identified with sin...but that's not necessarily what I'm talking about). What I mean to say is that I seem to have something destructive, negative, and cynical growing within me...and it's killing some of the healthy parts. For instance, I'm very cynical right now about all the spiritual disciplines and exercises which I've engaged in (religiously and mostly out of obligation) for the past 25 years or so. So things like prayer, reading scripture, and corporate worship just seem like exercises in ambivalence.
Obviously, I need to find some creative way to incorporate these spiritual "disciplines" back into my daily diet. But I have this heightened sensitivity right now towards anything that's inauthentic or towards doing anything religious simply because it's the right thing to do. All those things should flow naturally from a healthy relationship with God...right?! But is there a way to develop a healthy relationship with God apart from doing those things?. Spiritual Catch 22, eh?!
But back to my friend, Andrea, and her present struggle. It reminds me that I'm grumbling and feeling kind of pathetic towards my current situation. Pathetic...pathological...path...I'm not enjoying this part of the path. So why can I not just CHOOSE and DECIDE and WILL myself down a different path? That's what I would like to do.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Love Me Some Chick Fil-A
Maybe some lighter trivial posting is in order...?!
I've been enjoying frequent visits to the new Chick Fil-A which is right next door to our Starbucks (just a bit more than a stone's throw I suppose). I was the fourth person out of 100 to camp out before opening day and get 52 free combo meals the first Wed/Thur of October.
For anyone interested, there's another Chick Fil-A opening Wed/Thurs Nov 2nd here on the eastside of Cincinnati (Beechmont Ave) and then one in Grove City (Columbus) on Nov 16th. People start lining up 24 hours prior to the grand opening...so you have to get there on Wednesday before 100 people show up (usually between 4-10pm) and then camp out in the parking lot until the 6am opening to win your prize. It's $260 worth of Chick Fil-A!! They're going to make great little stocking stuffers...not to mention I haven't spent a dime on my lunch breaks since my decision to eat more chickin'. I'll be at the Beechmont & Grove City openings...so feel free to join me!! Better dress warmly.
As for my new physically fit alter ego...the workouts are still going very well at Gold's gym. I'm down from 212 lbs. when I started (September 2nd) to about 193 to 195 lbs!! I've lost 1.5 inches around the waist as well as 1.5 inches from each of my thighs! The jeans are hanging kinda of loose for the first time in...well, ever! But this coming week I'll slow down to 4-5 workouts per week instead of 6. The schedule hasn't been real family friendly. I'm still studying the books and information to be certified through A.C.E. as a personal trainer. Then I hope to start working at a gym and training some folks for about 10-15 hours/week.
Which leads me to Starbucks. I'm having some issues with the coffee conglomerate right now. Some of them stem from management issues at my local store. Mis-management I should say! But beyond that, my newfound passion for health and fitness has me irritated at how much Starbucks is contributing to the obesity of Americans and other global citizens. Just tonight I had a customer (young female) ask me what was in a white mocha, because she was putting on weight ever since she started drinking them. Well, that's because the white mocha is about the sweetest most flippin' fattening thing you could order at Starbucks!! And another thing is really irking me...an issue related more to conservation and the environment. I find myself getting angry when nearly every customer starts whining for a..."drink thingy," "cup holder," "hand warmer," which is actually known as a sleeve. Now I know people are paying enough to deserve the total Starbucks experience (which I guess includes the sleeve), but would it kill you to save a few trees?! A latte is not hot enough to burn you unless you order it extra hot. And is the frappuccino really so cold or moist that you need one on that drink too?! I just want to say "No! You don't need a damn sleeve for your tall 140 degree latte!" Just TRY to be a little more "green" for once.
So apparently I can't even talk about trivial things without going on a rant.
By the way, what are you reading (blogs, podcasts, other forms of media) that you think I would enjoy? Leave me a link.
Friday, October 13, 2006
My Cycle of Discontent
A couple of days ago, I was fortunate to spend some time with my best buds from Columbus. I knew I needed to get away for a day or so and talk some things over with those who have known me best for the longest time (besides my brothers...the next get-a-way will be to Indy!)
Unfortunately, the discussion about all things spiritual, emotional, marital, vocational, and trivial regarding my life revealed a seriously flawed common thread running through the fabric of my recent and not-so-recent past. Discontentment...it plagues me. There are hints of it throughout my late adolescence and early adulthood. But the most obvious instances began cropping up towards the end of our time in Westerville. And now I find myself in a pattern of seasonal contentment which only lasts a few months before this primal desire to flee emerges once again.
And the real problem is not knowing the source of this discontentment. Is it primarily a spiritual problem? Do I just need to pull up the spiritual bootstraps and 'get over it?!' Or is it vocational? Is it marital? Does it have to do with my calling? Am I being disobedient by not serving in some official pastoral role? Is it just a by-product of living with your in-laws and hoping the pieces of your life fall back into place within the next 9 or 10 months? I really don't know the cause or root problem.
I just had to delete a whole big paragraph because it just degenerated into whining and a gripe session. I'll try to spare you all of anymore of that stuff. Speaking of whining...my girls are terrible at bedtime! They're incredible cute and sweet the other 12-16 hours of the day. But if there's anything to worry or cry about at bedtime...my 7 and 3 year old girls are all over it. Jess and I did have a great daddy-daughter bowling date this morning though. Precious moments, eh?!
Unfortunately, the discussion about all things spiritual, emotional, marital, vocational, and trivial regarding my life revealed a seriously flawed common thread running through the fabric of my recent and not-so-recent past. Discontentment...it plagues me. There are hints of it throughout my late adolescence and early adulthood. But the most obvious instances began cropping up towards the end of our time in Westerville. And now I find myself in a pattern of seasonal contentment which only lasts a few months before this primal desire to flee emerges once again.
And the real problem is not knowing the source of this discontentment. Is it primarily a spiritual problem? Do I just need to pull up the spiritual bootstraps and 'get over it?!' Or is it vocational? Is it marital? Does it have to do with my calling? Am I being disobedient by not serving in some official pastoral role? Is it just a by-product of living with your in-laws and hoping the pieces of your life fall back into place within the next 9 or 10 months? I really don't know the cause or root problem.
I just had to delete a whole big paragraph because it just degenerated into whining and a gripe session. I'll try to spare you all of anymore of that stuff. Speaking of whining...my girls are terrible at bedtime! They're incredible cute and sweet the other 12-16 hours of the day. But if there's anything to worry or cry about at bedtime...my 7 and 3 year old girls are all over it. Jess and I did have a great daddy-daughter bowling date this morning though. Precious moments, eh?!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Man of Extremes
Yeah...as I read back over my post from last night...I regret that emotional outburst. In my quest for personal fitness and a certification as a trainer, I've learned a bit about muscular anatomy and how muscle fibers work. They operate by the all-or-nothing principle. A muscle fiber either fully exerts itself or isn't activated at all (cardiac and vascular muscle tissue is different). I often feel like I operate by the same all-or-nothing principle. For some reason, I've not been real good at balance lately...emotional or spiritual.
Is anyone watching Studio 60? I think the way they're dealing with Christianity is pretty interesting. The writers definitely identify at least two versions of Christianity. One is ultra-conservative, political, evangelical, and pretty unattractive. The other is something that apprears to be a little more authentic, compassionate, inclusive, and gracious. That dichotomy has been around a very long time. So why didn't the early followers of Christ just remain Jewish and incarnationally reform the church of the day? Why was it necessary to break fellowship with all those God-fearing, God-honoring synagogue occupants?! Jesus didn't come to start a new church did he? Jesus wasn't a Christian...he was a Jew.
Is anyone watching Studio 60? I think the way they're dealing with Christianity is pretty interesting. The writers definitely identify at least two versions of Christianity. One is ultra-conservative, political, evangelical, and pretty unattractive. The other is something that apprears to be a little more authentic, compassionate, inclusive, and gracious. That dichotomy has been around a very long time. So why didn't the early followers of Christ just remain Jewish and incarnationally reform the church of the day? Why was it necessary to break fellowship with all those God-fearing, God-honoring synagogue occupants?! Jesus didn't come to start a new church did he? Jesus wasn't a Christian...he was a Jew.
Is every "church" the Bride?
There are certainly many things at stake in my life right now...but this issue of "church" seems to be right at the center of it all. I can appreciate that many of you have this determined sense of messianic calling to your local instituations. But part of the problem now is that we have no local institution. We're in a completely new environment, living temporarily in an area I'm quite sure we won't settle in, trying to dig out of a seemingly insurmountable hell-hole of debt, navigating a treacherous road of familial tension, and add to that a complete and utter desperate sense that my entire Christian experience up to this point has set me up for this ultimate failure...as a husband, as a dad, as a provider, as a minister, as a Nazarene, and perhaps in some other unmentionable ways.
And as surely as my emotions overwhelm me in this moment...there is no sense of hope right now that anything good is on the horizon.
Whether or not I exercise some futile attempt at denominational or institutional loyalty is, believe me, NOT even the right discussion to be having. That's not to say it's not an important discussion...just not one that's going to solve anything in my life at the moment.
I don't want to seem ungrateful for anyone's comments, input, or emails...I definitely value them all. I'm just beat down by some bigger issues at the moment. Thanks for your words and prayers.
And as surely as my emotions overwhelm me in this moment...there is no sense of hope right now that anything good is on the horizon.
Whether or not I exercise some futile attempt at denominational or institutional loyalty is, believe me, NOT even the right discussion to be having. That's not to say it's not an important discussion...just not one that's going to solve anything in my life at the moment.
I don't want to seem ungrateful for anyone's comments, input, or emails...I definitely value them all. I'm just beat down by some bigger issues at the moment. Thanks for your words and prayers.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
I'm not getting it
So Sunday mornings continue to be a struggle. I just sit through a service at a church where I'm just not "getting it" which we drove for 30 minutes to get to. Every minute is so predictable because it's the same cookie cutter, new-start, "with-it" Nazarene program. People are not engaged...musically or homiletically. It's not that the leadership is bad or the people aren't sincere...I just feel like after 13 years of being on the "inside" of such a church-event...we're missing the point.
As I walk down the hallway and say good morning to someone...she just looked back down at her feet like I didn't exist. Yeah...grace-filled relationships and community...people aren't quite catching on.
And while I'm sitting through the service with a mental critique list compounding...everyone else seems to get it and go for it and enjoy it(including my family). Again, as I've said before...perhaps it's me. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's me (to some extent). And when conversationally cornered or forced to explain what I don't "get" or what I disagree with...all I attempt to articulate comes out like "well...it just doesn't seem relevant (blah, blah, blah)...it seems like an alternate reality that we've created which exists in near total isolation from the rest of our lives (blah, blah, blah)...it's so self-centered and devoid of compassion, justice, and mercy (blah, blah, blah)...
I'm beating my head against the wall...literally!
As I walk down the hallway and say good morning to someone...she just looked back down at her feet like I didn't exist. Yeah...grace-filled relationships and community...people aren't quite catching on.
And while I'm sitting through the service with a mental critique list compounding...everyone else seems to get it and go for it and enjoy it(including my family). Again, as I've said before...perhaps it's me. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's me (to some extent). And when conversationally cornered or forced to explain what I don't "get" or what I disagree with...all I attempt to articulate comes out like "well...it just doesn't seem relevant (blah, blah, blah)...it seems like an alternate reality that we've created which exists in near total isolation from the rest of our lives (blah, blah, blah)...it's so self-centered and devoid of compassion, justice, and mercy (blah, blah, blah)...
I'm beating my head against the wall...literally!
Monday, September 18, 2006
Holiness Codes and Organic Church
About every third or fourth article on this site is definitely worth reading. Here's one that deals with "holiness codes" and the destructive legalistic view on alcohol and tobacco. I'm not about to say that all the "holiness" folk need to stop at the pub on the way home or go buy a pipe...but isn't it interesting how unbiblical (or extra-biblical I should say) our prohibitory stand is on these issues?! One could easily proof text a few verses regarding sexual activity and produce complete chastity as being a step on the path to "holiness." And as the article mentions...all the while we're stuffing our faces and ignoring the poor, spending our money in ways which continue the unfair labor practices and substandard wages (doesn't the Bible say the worker is worth his/her wages?).On a fairly different subject...I continue to read through Organic Church (by Neil Cole). He continues to emphasize the organic nature of the Kingdom of God which is evident in many of Jesus' parables. The parable of the farmer and the seed seems to indicate that planting and spreading seed is our main task. However, in Cole's estimation, most churches (especially the megachurches) are spending most of their time, energy, and efforts in trying to make things grow...finding the right program, implementing the right discipleship/small-group/assimilation strategy, investing in the weekly EVENT rather planting good seed or even preparing adequately for a harvest.
Now, I'm not competely comfortable with everything Cole is saying...for instance, he really seems to be tearing down one method of church planting just to propogate another method. Although the method he is talking about seems to be very true to scripture and the early church's practices...still, I'm not sure it's healthy or helpful to say that true organic and biblical churches or movements are going to multiply like crazy and spread throughout a city in about three weeks. To me, that's missing the point that an organic process is one that takes time, the right conditions, proper environment and climate, etc...
Thursday, September 14, 2006
A Good First Date
It felt like a first date in some ways...this past Tuesday evening visit to a buddy's house church gathering. I guess because I have this weird "I hope it works out" feeling about the whole thing.
I thoroughly enjoyed the informal time of sharing a meal and then talking/praying together. Deb was not able to be there with me...so I feel like our attempt to be on the same page in this journey just isn't working out very well.
But the fellowship, conversations, and atmostphere were all exactly what I was hoping for. Careful I must be (hear Yoda's voice narrating my story) not to be prematurely predisposed to putting down some roots in that community and area of Cincinnati.
Well, Starbucks got the best of me today...I am beat and should be in bed already. I have to get up early for a workout and then be back at the cafe by 10am. Blessings....
I thoroughly enjoyed the informal time of sharing a meal and then talking/praying together. Deb was not able to be there with me...so I feel like our attempt to be on the same page in this journey just isn't working out very well.
But the fellowship, conversations, and atmostphere were all exactly what I was hoping for. Careful I must be (hear Yoda's voice narrating my story) not to be prematurely predisposed to putting down some roots in that community and area of Cincinnati.
Well, Starbucks got the best of me today...I am beat and should be in bed already. I have to get up early for a workout and then be back at the cafe by 10am. Blessings....
Monday, September 11, 2006
Re-Brewing at Starbucks
I just had a favorable conversation with my district manager today at Starbucks. Looks like I should be back into position as an ASM (assistant store manager) by the first of November. That was very encouraging indeed!
And with 9 new stores opening in the greater Cincinnati area within the next 18 months...some great opportunities lie ahead.
Tomorrow night I'm really looking forward to meeting with Thurman and his fellow Vineyard Central friends for a house-church gathering down in Norwood. Now that some vocational and physical-fitness goals are coming into focus...let's see where God is leading us from a spiritual and domestic standpoint.
Thoughts and prayers go out to all those who suffered deeply on this day five years ago.
Shalom...
And with 9 new stores opening in the greater Cincinnati area within the next 18 months...some great opportunities lie ahead.
Tomorrow night I'm really looking forward to meeting with Thurman and his fellow Vineyard Central friends for a house-church gathering down in Norwood. Now that some vocational and physical-fitness goals are coming into focus...let's see where God is leading us from a spiritual and domestic standpoint.
Thoughts and prayers go out to all those who suffered deeply on this day five years ago.
Shalom...
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Pain, Gain, and Being Vain
Pain is my new best friend....because in terms of muscle development and fitness pain does indeed = gain.
Here's my new "Fourth Place." (Because I work in my "Third Place.")
I know, it looks like your typical meat locker of a place to work out...but it's my best option while we're in this part of town. And I'm sure many of you realize the unquestionable connection between physical health/discipline and spiritual health/disciplines.
Anyway, I've been to the gym 7 of the last 8 days and am determined that a part of this whole life transition is going to include some health & fitness goals. It's ridiculous how long I've talked about getting into shape...losing some weight...and improving my overall health and energy level. I used to say that I'll be in top physical conditioning and health by the time I'm 30. Well, that was over five years ago! So now I've got less than 5 years to develop the kind of habits which will lead to some great health and physical wholeness for the second half of my life (assuming I don't get hit by a semi while I'm cycling or something).
It may also lead to some additional income within 3 to 6 months as well since I'm pursuing an ACE certification to become a personal trainer. Interesting how much spare time I have now with a normal 40 (or less) hour work week!
P.S. Let's hear it for Zoomtown!!! Cincinnati Bell's DSL service...we are now online and zooming for $20/month and saving lots on the old cable/internet bill (of course, I just spent all that savings on the gym membership, but still...!)
Thursday, September 07, 2006
An Encouraging Conversation
As you know from my last post...I recently experienced a real life planes, trains, and automobiles episode. Interestingly, when I missed my flight from KCI to IND, I wasn't real shook up about it. Partly because it was entirely my fault...but I also just had this sense of divine providence in the "air." Well, what resulted from my time mis-management was a very meaningful and enjoyable conversation on the alternate flight to Detroit (where I was to fly standby back down to Indy).
To boil it all down for you, the young lady who sat beside me (who turned out to be a bit older than I thought...but "old" has become such a relative term to me) was a SWF former FBI employee who now owned her own private investigation business. My reply was, "Oh...I loved Magnum P.I." to which she replied, "Me too!" More importantly, she is a devout Catholic (not sure why I always feel the need to qualify a Catholic as devout or not...perhaps the same qualification should precede the adjective of Protestant/Evangelical/Christian as well) who finds herself in a serious relationship with a very sincere Budhist. The relationship is progressing (though marriage has not really been on the conversation menu just yet) and the diversity of religion is finally emerging as the proverbial elephant in the room. When she found out my history and status as a pastor or sorts, she was very interested in my opinion on the whole situation. What makes it problematic is that this guy is morally, ethically, and spiritually superior to probably any "good Catholic" guy she's been in relationships with.
I found it very difficult to lay the whole evangelical spiritual smackdown on her. I mean...I know the whole "no one comes to the Father except through me" and "I am the way, the truth, and the life" etc, etc. But the Spirit just didn't seem to be giving me a green light to say those kinds of things. I suppose it might be because I'm branching out of my own little spiritual box and believe that the way we are conditioned and raised in our own little religious bubbles...results in a very narrow dogma that Jesus might not appreciate. And again...it may just be that I'm out of touch with the Spirit...so why would I be directed by the Spirit in a conversation like that?!
But as she said on the plane...my experience of "branching out" at least leaves me hanging on to the right tree. Budhism is a whole different spiritual ecosystem. But it results in a similar since of morality, compassion, and service to others...so that's kind of confusing.
Anyway...it was a fabulous conversation and we exchanged email addresses so we could both check in on the other's journey and I can find out if she marries the Budha boy!
Next post...I'll share my crazy newfound fitness fettish. For now...I must rest so I can crack some eggs at the crack of dawn and have some breakfast with my darling daughters.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Let the waiting continue
My last post was about waiting...and here I am again.
There is certainly a dark side of the internet. I should have been completely content to sip my Anniversary Blend at the Starbucks just a few hundred yards down the terminal from Northwest gate 63. But the allure and seduction of tapping into a great force of world-wide communication sucked me in. The laptop slithered from it's padded lair and hissed into action. Before I knew it, I had opened myself up to the hypnotic stare of the one-eyed VAIO.
With about 45 minutes before my flight was to board...I hit bloglines and began to catch up on some friends and their blogs thinking I had plenty of time. Suddenly I had this panic attack of time-management anxiety. Sure enough...I had lost track of the time as I was reading, commenting, and following a few rabbit trail links. I threw the serpent back in the bag with a tangled mass of cords and began walking briskly back down the terminal. As I was selected for a more thorough screening...I knew it was going to be too late. I told the screener/agent I was trying to catch the 8:25 flight to Indy and he apathetically replied, "Oh...they already closed the door on that flight since all flights leave ten minutes prior to departure time?"
So I found the next earliest route to Indianapolis (through Detroit) and returned to the gate...to wait some more. Instead of arriving at 10:55am in Indy...it will be more like 2:45pm. It reminds me that much of our waiting and struggle (not that all waiting is a bad thing) comes as a result of our own choices. I think of the other "waiting" which is going on in our lives...
Waiting to get back on track with Starbucks management...
Waiting to get out of debt...
Waiting to find where we'll deepen our roots...
Waiting on the wind of the Spirit to fill my sails once again--which I know is more about waiting on my own attempts to position the sails properly.
Waiting for the restoration of contentment and joy
Waiting....
Well, one kind of waiting is nearing an end...they just started boarding my alternate flight. I better bag the beast and report for stand-by.
There is certainly a dark side of the internet. I should have been completely content to sip my Anniversary Blend at the Starbucks just a few hundred yards down the terminal from Northwest gate 63. But the allure and seduction of tapping into a great force of world-wide communication sucked me in. The laptop slithered from it's padded lair and hissed into action. Before I knew it, I had opened myself up to the hypnotic stare of the one-eyed VAIO.
With about 45 minutes before my flight was to board...I hit bloglines and began to catch up on some friends and their blogs thinking I had plenty of time. Suddenly I had this panic attack of time-management anxiety. Sure enough...I had lost track of the time as I was reading, commenting, and following a few rabbit trail links. I threw the serpent back in the bag with a tangled mass of cords and began walking briskly back down the terminal. As I was selected for a more thorough screening...I knew it was going to be too late. I told the screener/agent I was trying to catch the 8:25 flight to Indy and he apathetically replied, "Oh...they already closed the door on that flight since all flights leave ten minutes prior to departure time?"
So I found the next earliest route to Indianapolis (through Detroit) and returned to the gate...to wait some more. Instead of arriving at 10:55am in Indy...it will be more like 2:45pm. It reminds me that much of our waiting and struggle (not that all waiting is a bad thing) comes as a result of our own choices. I think of the other "waiting" which is going on in our lives...
Waiting to get back on track with Starbucks management...
Waiting to get out of debt...
Waiting to find where we'll deepen our roots...
Waiting on the wind of the Spirit to fill my sails once again--which I know is more about waiting on my own attempts to position the sails properly.
Waiting for the restoration of contentment and joy
Waiting....
Well, one kind of waiting is nearing an end...they just started boarding my alternate flight. I better bag the beast and report for stand-by.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Waiting Period
Nothing too philosophical wrapped up in today's title. We're literally waiting...for Adelphia to show up and install some high-speed internet.
I got a new cell phone through Verizon and was trying out their broadband connect service...but it's just not a good deal for the money. We tried to downsize to a single cell phone and relatively no internet (dial-up) but it wasn't working. We'll have to pursue simplicity in every other area!
Anyway, I was wondering how many of those who occasionally stop by my blog have blogs of your own? I'd love to reciprocate the favor of reading and posting if you have something out there I don't already know about. If you do, please post the address in a comment or email it to me at coffeebean71@hotmail.com.
Blessings,
I got a new cell phone through Verizon and was trying out their broadband connect service...but it's just not a good deal for the money. We tried to downsize to a single cell phone and relatively no internet (dial-up) but it wasn't working. We'll have to pursue simplicity in every other area!
Anyway, I was wondering how many of those who occasionally stop by my blog have blogs of your own? I'd love to reciprocate the favor of reading and posting if you have something out there I don't already know about. If you do, please post the address in a comment or email it to me at coffeebean71@hotmail.com.
Blessings,
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
An Excellent Point
A friend commented on my "rigid orthodoxy" post and makes an excellent point. I'll try to respond in such a way that it make sense without going back to read his comment (but you may want to do that anyway).
The most significant point he makes (I think) is that the ideal experience of some type of utopic Kingdom life is not going to magically materialize. I believe, however, that it CAN be a pretty radical departure from traditional ways of 'doing' church. In Neil Cole's book Organic Church, the fourth chapter deals with the 'dangerous question' of defining church. He suggests, "The temptation is to define church accoring to our own experience. We think we know something because of familiarity. By defining church this way, we are assured that we are always right, but this is a cheap solution that perpetuates all our current problems."
Cole goes on to present an understanding of church as "the presence of Jesus among His people called out as a spiritual family to pursue His mission on this planet." The big question that brings up for me right now is...how much of church is about God's mission and how much is about the church itself...as an institution, organization, and pseudo-corporation?!
But back to my own story and the questions raised by my friend. Here are the climactic questions he posed...
The short answer would be "yes" and then "no." I guess I would say "yes" to being closer because with every part of the journey and struggle comes learning and growth and because I keep unpacking and discovering things about myself and the way I've been conditioned and mentored by the church. I answer the second question with an emphatic "no" because my decisions over the past two years have been errantly motivated and quite detrimental to our experience of geniune community and formative relationships. I don't want to discount any of our experiences and ministry over the past couple of years, but we left ministry at Westerville for the wrong reasons, I finished the MDiv for the wrong reasons, I left Starbucks in Columbus for the wrong reasons, and went to Dayton for the wrong reasons. Wow...all in one sentence like that makes me feel like a failure in many ways (certainly a personal issue I'm battling right now). IF I could have the past 30 months to do over again...no doubt we would still be in Columbus further building relationships and moving towards a more "emerging" style of BEING the church. (the extent to which I miss Columbus is almost painful...especially this time of year...Go Bucks!)
BUT...having made some decisions out of fear, financial anxiety, human logic, personal ambition, etc...here we are in Cincinnati starting all over again. And in many ways it really sucks. But then again...there's hope because of the redemptive, reconciling, and restorative Presence of God.
The most significant point he makes (I think) is that the ideal experience of some type of utopic Kingdom life is not going to magically materialize. I believe, however, that it CAN be a pretty radical departure from traditional ways of 'doing' church. In Neil Cole's book Organic Church, the fourth chapter deals with the 'dangerous question' of defining church. He suggests, "The temptation is to define church accoring to our own experience. We think we know something because of familiarity. By defining church this way, we are assured that we are always right, but this is a cheap solution that perpetuates all our current problems."
Cole goes on to present an understanding of church as "the presence of Jesus among His people called out as a spiritual family to pursue His mission on this planet." The big question that brings up for me right now is...how much of church is about God's mission and how much is about the church itself...as an institution, organization, and pseudo-corporation?!
But back to my own story and the questions raised by my friend. Here are the climactic questions he posed...
And the question I must pose is whether or not you think you are any closer to
this ideal of a community that truly embraces kingdom principles than you were
several years ago? And does bouncing from one place to another help that ideal
become reality?
The short answer would be "yes" and then "no." I guess I would say "yes" to being closer because with every part of the journey and struggle comes learning and growth and because I keep unpacking and discovering things about myself and the way I've been conditioned and mentored by the church. I answer the second question with an emphatic "no" because my decisions over the past two years have been errantly motivated and quite detrimental to our experience of geniune community and formative relationships. I don't want to discount any of our experiences and ministry over the past couple of years, but we left ministry at Westerville for the wrong reasons, I finished the MDiv for the wrong reasons, I left Starbucks in Columbus for the wrong reasons, and went to Dayton for the wrong reasons. Wow...all in one sentence like that makes me feel like a failure in many ways (certainly a personal issue I'm battling right now). IF I could have the past 30 months to do over again...no doubt we would still be in Columbus further building relationships and moving towards a more "emerging" style of BEING the church. (the extent to which I miss Columbus is almost painful...especially this time of year...Go Bucks!)
BUT...having made some decisions out of fear, financial anxiety, human logic, personal ambition, etc...here we are in Cincinnati starting all over again. And in many ways it really sucks. But then again...there's hope because of the redemptive, reconciling, and restorative Presence of God.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
A Rigid Orthodoxy
For the curious and interested, I want to attempt to bring some clarity to my current struggle. Not that this will necessarily clear anything up really...but perhaps it will make clear to some why and how I'm walking the path that I am.
This verbal expulsion was prompted in part by Scott McKnight's comments on "Emerging and Orthodoxy 4" at his blog. But also from a conversation I had earlier today with a friend who somebody called a "withmate" on another conversation I was reading.
McKnight seems to be a proponent of orthodoxy preservation in the face of emerging attitudes about church and faith. What I gather from skimming over his last few posts on this topic indicates that he defines orthodoxy as an adherence to doctrinal faith statements. I think if you stop there...that's a component of orthodoxy which most "emerging" folk are willing to accept. In fact, with this whole concept of 'new monasticism' and 'future-ancient' types of community and worship, I think orthodoxy is perfectly acceptable to most of us (perhaps I need to define "us" but I'll refrain from doing so at this point).
However, I think what I am reacting against (dare I say rebelling against) in my present assessment of church and evangelical christianity is a type of rigid orthodoxy which goes way beyond assent to a creedal statement of faith. What I am no longer content with is an expression of christianity which errs on the side of law rather than grace. Sure it would be nice not to err on either side...but to err on the side of law and legalism reduces our spiritual experience to obligatory religous devotion and behavioral modification strategies.
In McKnight's third installement of Emerging and Orthodoxy he offers a helpful quadrilateral of points which provide in his words "four major impulses in the emerging movement." It is...
1. Postmodern: a reaction against the meta-narrative and systematic theologies. I love his final line in this paragraph... "Some have lots of questions about the gospel and find postmodernism a quiet place to rest and think about what they believe."
2. Praxis-here is the emphasis on being missional. Also wrapped up in this impulse are new forms of worship (ancient/modern).
3. Post-evangelical: This basically just implies that many of us believe ourselves to have evolved in some way spiritually...so that we're no longer what we were or what our parents are.
4. Political: Here's the impulse and issue of social justice. Hunger, poverty, aids, economic disparity, etc...these issues are huge and need to be addressed...and are so much more important than adding a new $50,000 cafe to the foyer of the church.
And so all of these ideas are part of my current journey and struggle. I don't want to react and rebel against the church of my youth just because I can. And I don't want to bail out on my "tribe." But I DO want to be a part of a community which values all the above. I no longer want to be part of a church which offers to help construct an alternate reality where the Kingdom is not necessarily released into individual lives or in any real corporate sense. I don't want to plant a church. In the words of Jason Evans, I want to "embody the Kingdom." (See McClaren's blog article entitled "Missional Planning")
This verbal expulsion was prompted in part by Scott McKnight's comments on "Emerging and Orthodoxy 4" at his blog. But also from a conversation I had earlier today with a friend who somebody called a "withmate" on another conversation I was reading.
McKnight seems to be a proponent of orthodoxy preservation in the face of emerging attitudes about church and faith. What I gather from skimming over his last few posts on this topic indicates that he defines orthodoxy as an adherence to doctrinal faith statements. I think if you stop there...that's a component of orthodoxy which most "emerging" folk are willing to accept. In fact, with this whole concept of 'new monasticism' and 'future-ancient' types of community and worship, I think orthodoxy is perfectly acceptable to most of us (perhaps I need to define "us" but I'll refrain from doing so at this point).
However, I think what I am reacting against (dare I say rebelling against) in my present assessment of church and evangelical christianity is a type of rigid orthodoxy which goes way beyond assent to a creedal statement of faith. What I am no longer content with is an expression of christianity which errs on the side of law rather than grace. Sure it would be nice not to err on either side...but to err on the side of law and legalism reduces our spiritual experience to obligatory religous devotion and behavioral modification strategies.
In McKnight's third installement of Emerging and Orthodoxy he offers a helpful quadrilateral of points which provide in his words "four major impulses in the emerging movement." It is...
1. Postmodern: a reaction against the meta-narrative and systematic theologies. I love his final line in this paragraph... "Some have lots of questions about the gospel and find postmodernism a quiet place to rest and think about what they believe."
2. Praxis-here is the emphasis on being missional. Also wrapped up in this impulse are new forms of worship (ancient/modern).
3. Post-evangelical: This basically just implies that many of us believe ourselves to have evolved in some way spiritually...so that we're no longer what we were or what our parents are.
4. Political: Here's the impulse and issue of social justice. Hunger, poverty, aids, economic disparity, etc...these issues are huge and need to be addressed...and are so much more important than adding a new $50,000 cafe to the foyer of the church.
And so all of these ideas are part of my current journey and struggle. I don't want to react and rebel against the church of my youth just because I can. And I don't want to bail out on my "tribe." But I DO want to be a part of a community which values all the above. I no longer want to be part of a church which offers to help construct an alternate reality where the Kingdom is not necessarily released into individual lives or in any real corporate sense. I don't want to plant a church. In the words of Jason Evans, I want to "embody the Kingdom." (See McClaren's blog article entitled "Missional Planning")
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Saint of the Little Ways
I really have a problem with those chain emails that people forward which promise crazy things (like answered wishes and prayers) if you send it to 11 more people within the next five minutes! Whatever you do...don't break the chain. Of course syncretism has been around a long time.
However, nestled in this good-intentioned email was this...
St. Theresa's Prayer:
May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where
you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born
of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love
that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to
sing, dance, praise God and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Trusting that we're exactly where God means for us to be sounds awfully simple...but I'll take it!
Monday, August 14, 2006
settling in Cincinnati
I hope there's not a double meaning to my title...eh?!
Was just reading this satirical article from "Out of Ur"...
We’ve had some good input lately on why we’re not seeing church planting movements in the developed world to the same degree we’re seeing in the global south. If that’s the case, we need to find something to do while nothing’s happening. Here are 20 suggestions for what to do while we’re not multiplying churches.
1. Call yourself an apostle. Have some business cards printed. Hand them around.
2. Throw lots of money at subsidizing unhealthy, declining churches.
3. Throw money at “experimental missional initiatives” and never evaluate their effectiveness.
4. Set goals for multiplying new churches but don’t make it clear who is responsible to accomplish the goals.
5. Make someone responsible but don’t give them any real authority, discretionary time, or funding. Change the appointment every two years. After ten years, save money by retiring the position and making everyone else responsible.
6. Appoint a committee to undertake a study and write a report. Wait three years then do it again.
7. Hire a consultant to undertake a study and write a report. Wait three years then do it again.
8. Appoint the wrong people to plant churches. When they fail conclude that church planting doesn’t work.
9. When you see a healthy church plant say, “Yes it’s growing but it’s not really a (choose one) Reformed/Baptist/Assemblies of God/Presbyterian/Methodist/New Vine/etc. church.”
10. Require pioneering leaders to be theologically trained before they can plant a church.
11. Throw your best leaders at your biggest problems, not at your greatest opportunities.
12. Watch pioneering leaders exit your movement and then comment on their lack of commitment.
13. Reward pioneering leaders with promotions. Get them away from the front line. Harness their drive to keep the institutional wheels turning.
14. In the 1960’s change the word “missions” to “mission.” To usher in the new millennium change “mission” to “missional.” Around 2010 plan to change “missional” to “postmissional.”
15. Agree to plant new churches when: (a) You’re large enough (b) You’re healthy enough (c) You have the leaders to give away (d) You have the money to spare (e) God has clearly shown you it’s time (f) When the cow jumps over the moon.
16. Run workshops on church planting. Hold conferences on church planting. Offer a course at your theological college on church planting. Do nothing to follow up with the people who show an interest. Make sure only experts get to teach. Keep the practitioners away from the students. Keep the students in the classroom.
17. Grow your church, facilities, staff, and budget as BIG as you can. Let your vision stop at your car park. Let church history end with you. Let the Kingdom dream die.
18. Set ridiculous but catchy sounding goals like “500 in 5 years,” or “2,000 by 2,000.” Three years after the target date expires set new goals. Don’t forget to change the dates!
19. Modernize your theology, then postmodernize your theology. Remove evangelism and church planting from the centre of God’s mission in the world. When decline hits make sure the paid professionals are the last to feel the pinch.
20. Lastly, set up a blog on church planting. Link to other bloggers on church planting. Be sure they link to you. Add smoke and mirrors.
Was just reading this satirical article from "Out of Ur"...
We’ve had some good input lately on why we’re not seeing church planting movements in the developed world to the same degree we’re seeing in the global south. If that’s the case, we need to find something to do while nothing’s happening. Here are 20 suggestions for what to do while we’re not multiplying churches.
1. Call yourself an apostle. Have some business cards printed. Hand them around.
2. Throw lots of money at subsidizing unhealthy, declining churches.
3. Throw money at “experimental missional initiatives” and never evaluate their effectiveness.
4. Set goals for multiplying new churches but don’t make it clear who is responsible to accomplish the goals.
5. Make someone responsible but don’t give them any real authority, discretionary time, or funding. Change the appointment every two years. After ten years, save money by retiring the position and making everyone else responsible.
6. Appoint a committee to undertake a study and write a report. Wait three years then do it again.
7. Hire a consultant to undertake a study and write a report. Wait three years then do it again.
8. Appoint the wrong people to plant churches. When they fail conclude that church planting doesn’t work.
9. When you see a healthy church plant say, “Yes it’s growing but it’s not really a (choose one) Reformed/Baptist/Assemblies of God/Presbyterian/Methodist/New Vine/etc. church.”
10. Require pioneering leaders to be theologically trained before they can plant a church.
11. Throw your best leaders at your biggest problems, not at your greatest opportunities.
12. Watch pioneering leaders exit your movement and then comment on their lack of commitment.
13. Reward pioneering leaders with promotions. Get them away from the front line. Harness their drive to keep the institutional wheels turning.
14. In the 1960’s change the word “missions” to “mission.” To usher in the new millennium change “mission” to “missional.” Around 2010 plan to change “missional” to “postmissional.”
15. Agree to plant new churches when: (a) You’re large enough (b) You’re healthy enough (c) You have the leaders to give away (d) You have the money to spare (e) God has clearly shown you it’s time (f) When the cow jumps over the moon.
16. Run workshops on church planting. Hold conferences on church planting. Offer a course at your theological college on church planting. Do nothing to follow up with the people who show an interest. Make sure only experts get to teach. Keep the practitioners away from the students. Keep the students in the classroom.
17. Grow your church, facilities, staff, and budget as BIG as you can. Let your vision stop at your car park. Let church history end with you. Let the Kingdom dream die.
18. Set ridiculous but catchy sounding goals like “500 in 5 years,” or “2,000 by 2,000.” Three years after the target date expires set new goals. Don’t forget to change the dates!
19. Modernize your theology, then postmodernize your theology. Remove evangelism and church planting from the centre of God’s mission in the world. When decline hits make sure the paid professionals are the last to feel the pinch.
20. Lastly, set up a blog on church planting. Link to other bloggers on church planting. Be sure they link to you. Add smoke and mirrors.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
New Templates for BLOG and LIFE
Yeah...I've been wanting to change the look of this thing for awhile...but just now figured out the right buttons to push. I fear that there's some kind of anti-technological impulse which is dulling my IT senses.
Right now I'm reading Neil Cole's Organic Church and finding at least half of what he says to be quite good (that's really not a bad percentage in my opinion). I should withhold some judgment and cynicism until I've completed it...but I competely agree with his observation (which is shared by many) that the traditional church (and I suppose we'll let the readers decide whether or not theirs fits the bill) way overemphasizes the Sunday worship "event." I think McClaren describes it as traditional vs. missional (thanks, Scott!)
Although the church we are stepping away from (as employees and members) is a terrific church...healthy and vibrant by most standards...I still had this gnawing sense that we were very event driven in each ministry area. And I don't even know if that can be avoided when a church reaches that size (big...mega even). But it is so draining to come through a busy season in ministry and have this aching emptiness in your gut because you wonder what really happened? Was anyone's life just radically transformed by the resurrected Christ? Were sick people made well? Were the "poor and oppressed" rescued and delivered? Did anyone pass over from death to life?? Or did I just keep the machine running? Satisfying the expectations at a reasonable level?
I really have no idea what the next few months hold for us when it comes to church, ministry, or just simply...life. But simple sounds quite good.
Simple...
organic...
relevant...
authentic...
communal...
Now is our chance to travel a different road, explore some other models, and figure out how to experience God in deeper and richer ways.
Right now I'm reading Neil Cole's Organic Church and finding at least half of what he says to be quite good (that's really not a bad percentage in my opinion). I should withhold some judgment and cynicism until I've completed it...but I competely agree with his observation (which is shared by many) that the traditional church (and I suppose we'll let the readers decide whether or not theirs fits the bill) way overemphasizes the Sunday worship "event." I think McClaren describes it as traditional vs. missional (thanks, Scott!)
Although the church we are stepping away from (as employees and members) is a terrific church...healthy and vibrant by most standards...I still had this gnawing sense that we were very event driven in each ministry area. And I don't even know if that can be avoided when a church reaches that size (big...mega even). But it is so draining to come through a busy season in ministry and have this aching emptiness in your gut because you wonder what really happened? Was anyone's life just radically transformed by the resurrected Christ? Were sick people made well? Were the "poor and oppressed" rescued and delivered? Did anyone pass over from death to life?? Or did I just keep the machine running? Satisfying the expectations at a reasonable level?
I really have no idea what the next few months hold for us when it comes to church, ministry, or just simply...life. But simple sounds quite good.
Simple...
organic...
relevant...
authentic...
communal...
Now is our chance to travel a different road, explore some other models, and figure out how to experience God in deeper and richer ways.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Community & Coffee Talk
Leaving a community and/or church is painful...even when the relationships are under-developed. I suppose I've been a little blindsided by the pain of this decision and transition to leave Dayton. After being in Columbus for about 8 years...it wasn't this painful to pack up and leave. But that's probably because we'd been through a steady two-year progression which led to our move last summer.
What I'm taking from this experience is that there exists within our relationships and community a sense of the not-yet, or the "what might have been." Perhaps the value of that concept has escaped me until now. Although we've been through a short ministry stay before (8 or 9 years ago), for some reason it didn't have near the impact of this one. We've really been amazed at the generosity and support we've received from these "infant" relationships.
Fortunately, I've been warmly received by the green siren and the familiar family of Starbucks partners. It's kind of disturbing how much I've missed pressing that first sample of a Black Apron Exclusive coffee. But it looks like I'll need to start leading an internal effort to get the corporate coffee master back on track with its commitment to the environment and sustainable agriculture. According to this article on the Organic Consumer Association's website, Starbucks is holding out by using hormone-tainted milk. Why is it that I would be less offended if you attack my faith than my java supplier?! I guess I DO need some professional help.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
To the Monastery
I've really been enjoying the articles from Out of Ur (by Leadership).
I was just reading the one published today, Spiritual Formation: we’ve already got a proven model, but do we want it?
Here's a great quote from the author who is being questioned about trends and models of spiritual formation...
That's where I'm headed...to the monastery! Actually, I still don't know what it will look like. A house church? A small group of people from a church? An extended family gathering and drawing friends and neighbors into the mix? I really don't know, but I know it's time to stop posting, dreaming, and analyzing and to actually engage in it.
I was just reading the one published today, Spiritual Formation: we’ve already got a proven model, but do we want it?
Here's a great quote from the author who is being questioned about trends and models of spiritual formation...
“It’s a proven model,” I pointed out, “a model that includes everything we know
brings about transformation. What would happen to your life” (I was now turning
the question on them) “if you lived in close geographical community and
relationship with other people; if you lived in submission to authority; if you
practiced silence and simplicity and discipline; if you regularly read the Bible
and prayed and meditated on what you read; if you made study part of your life;
and if you worked hard in some daily occupation, seeing your labor as full of
dignity and offering it to God?”
That's where I'm headed...to the monastery! Actually, I still don't know what it will look like. A house church? A small group of people from a church? An extended family gathering and drawing friends and neighbors into the mix? I really don't know, but I know it's time to stop posting, dreaming, and analyzing and to actually engage in it.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Seasons of the Soul
Many of those seeking to be reconciled to and embraced by God have described their experiences with the metaphor of seasons. Whether or not we use the right metaphor, it does seem (now that I have a longer timeline to look back on) that we navigate various spiritual seasons along the way.
I suppose what is most interesting to me as I think about my current season, is that stepping away from a position of ministry and religious service may actually coincide with a spiritual awakening and rebirth. Although I'm stepping away from a great church with what I've learned to be a very healthy group of leaders and people...I feel as though I'm feeling some things begin to thaw deep within.
My passions are being redirected. I want to live well, rest well, play well. I want to enjoy the best years of my marriage and family. I want to thoroughly enjoy my beautiful daughters and see them enjoy life as well. I want to develop deep Kingdom-level relationships with a few and learn how to live with (rather than for) the resurrected Christ. Yeah...the landscape is definitely changing and Spring is in the air of my soul.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
House Church
Just had an encouraging conversation with a friend. Thank God for those, eh?!
Part of our discussion included our mutual interest in the "house church" as the kind of community we would both like to experience. I've had limited contact with those who are experiencing such an environment of koinonia and charis. As always, it's difficult to discern what one might be drawn towards simply in reaction to the contemporary church experience which is so prevalent in evangelicalism right now (and especially our own tribe/denomination).
I just think there's so much about our current church model which doesn't connect to genuine Kingdom living or even get integrated into one's daily life. It's an alternative environment one steps in and out of. And most parents are very disconnected from the spiritual responsibility for their own children. Is it better to shuttle our kids to the biggest program in town and abdicate much of our parental calling to others?
Part of our discussion included our mutual interest in the "house church" as the kind of community we would both like to experience. I've had limited contact with those who are experiencing such an environment of koinonia and charis. As always, it's difficult to discern what one might be drawn towards simply in reaction to the contemporary church experience which is so prevalent in evangelicalism right now (and especially our own tribe/denomination).
I just think there's so much about our current church model which doesn't connect to genuine Kingdom living or even get integrated into one's daily life. It's an alternative environment one steps in and out of. And most parents are very disconnected from the spiritual responsibility for their own children. Is it better to shuttle our kids to the biggest program in town and abdicate much of our parental calling to others?
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Good Point
In a recent article from Out of Ur , the author ends with this:
"Nevertheless, in my mind, if we are going to pick on Potter, we must pick on Pirates. Otherwise, perhaps Christians should keep their mouth shut about both."
I think it's a good call for consistency. This is certainly one of the great hypocrisies of Christianity and religion in general...inconsistency. You could probably say the same for issues of homosexuality and poverty or aids crisis. Which of these issues are more important? But which issue gets the most evangelical attention?
"Nevertheless, in my mind, if we are going to pick on Potter, we must pick on Pirates. Otherwise, perhaps Christians should keep their mouth shut about both."
I think it's a good call for consistency. This is certainly one of the great hypocrisies of Christianity and religion in general...inconsistency. You could probably say the same for issues of homosexuality and poverty or aids crisis. Which of these issues are more important? But which issue gets the most evangelical attention?
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
From Deep Waters
I was reading in 2 Samuel 22 this week (thanks to my pastor) and reflecting on the concept of God as 'my rock.' In my mind, I conjured up this image of a solid outcropping of rock just being pounded by waves. Actually, the image of that French lighthouse comes to mind...the one where the guy is standing there and the waves are crashing against the back of the rock and lighthouse and swirling on either side.
Anyway...I began to picture myself in the waters just around this solid rock. Whether I jumped in or slipped I don't know...but I'm in that deep water. Often the most dangerous place to be (in an ocean setting) is just a few feet away from a big rock or reef like that. Then the wind and waves pound you against the rock, doing quite a bit of damage. So I'm close enough to the rock to get dashed against it...but not close enough to benefit from it's support and shelter.
Then verse 17 of 2 Samuel 22 alters the image...
"He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me..."
then verse 47...
"The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God, the Rock, my Savior!"
I'm still struggling for clarity...but it's good to have the Rock back under my feet.
Friday, June 30, 2006
No Peace at all
Oh my God ...
(and I mean that literally not flippantly)
what must a soul do to get some clarity and direction?!
The last couple of days have been very trying.
And this could get ugly so click on to your next little blog stop if you were looking for something a little more positive.
I just feel like the psalmist when he would lament "How long, oh Lord...How long?!"
Except I may add a few explicatives to let Him know I'm not just quoting the psalms...I'm serious. Does anyone else occasionally use profanities when you pray? I hope that's not just me.
Hopefully I'll soon arrive at the peaceful resolution of "yet will I ever praise and trust..."
instead of the current...
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me?" (Psalm 22:1)
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
HOPE For The FLOWERS
So I'd love to comment some more on World Cup Soccer...but I don't want Gregor to stop visiting my blog. But how about those Black Stars from Ghana?! They are definitely out of the running...but they made a good effort against Brazil in their first-ever WC appearance.
Okay, now on to today's brain fodder. I recently read this little book by Trina Paulus (which takes every bit of thirty minutes) and was captured by the imagery and simplicity. If only I had been supplied with some of this metaphor and language earlier in my journey! (Thanks to JR for introducing me to the story since I missed the opportunity to hear it first-hand from Rick)
The story unfolds with two main characters...Stripe & Yellow. They are both caterpillars and eventually find themselves caught up in the frantic attempt to climb a pillar of caterpillars which reaches up into the clouds. Eventually we find out that the pillars are just meaningless mindless frantic climbing. Yellow discovers the secret of the chrysalis while Stripe ventures off to conquer the pillar once more. Again, Stripe is devastated to find out that at the very top of the pillar awaits nothing of value. And I supposed I shouldn't share this much of the story in case you want to read it for yourself. But the simple point of the story has dealt what might be a final deathblow to my paradigm of ministry and religious activity.
And speaking of "hope"...this word keeps buzzing around my head and into my life...like a majestic winged creature inviting me in to my own chrysalis of transformation.
Here's a tribute to the one who has personnified this word and its cause for a whole community:
Hope : : Elpida
There is a tree that grows on my armIt’s for a friend, an eternal marring of my flesh for his.
A beauty mark, intentional, not God-given
A gift from a friend who speaks beauty through his hands.
A solidarity sign stretched across my skin.
Blood brothers united in heart years ago now visible to all Brothers in arms.
Rooted in Elpida, Lovely leafless limbs smooth and supple as veins
Climb quietly like ivy clinging to skin and bone
Growing toward my heart where he now resides.
This tree grips, grips my arm,
12 leaves for 12 friends coupled, man and wife
12 leaves for the healing of nations
12 leaves for Yahweh wins.
I hope in God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost. Now and Forever I hope.
No ounce of regret not one single ounce.
Yahweh wins.
Yahweh wins.
Yahweh wins.
I pledge allegiance to his cause.
(read at Mark Palmer's memorial service)
Monday, June 26, 2006
World Cup Action
I've never watched an entire soccer match in my life! Suddenly I'm tuning into at least one match per day or setting my DVR to catch the action so I can speed-view it later. (I love DVR by the way...what an efficient way to watch TV)
It's pretty amazing what these guys can do with a soccer ball! As I was watching the Argentina-Mexico encounter of round 2, this Argentinian made an amazing goal. One of his teammates sent him a long pass...he caught it with his torso and settled it just enough to drop it in position and kick a goal before the ball ever touched the ground. It reminded me of the Tiger Woods trick where he's bouncing the ball on his wedge and then swings and connects with the ball as it drops.
It was, of course, disappointing to see USA's inability to really get into any kind of rhythmn...I think it's time for a new coach.
Since soccer was not even offered when I was a kid in school, I just never really appreciated the game until now.
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