No Peace at all

Oh my God ...
(and I mean that literally not flippantly)
what must a soul do to get some clarity and direction?!

The last couple of days have been very trying.
And this could get ugly so click on to your next little blog stop if you were looking for something a little more positive.

I just feel like the psalmist when he would lament "How long, oh Lord...How long?!"
Except I may add a few explicatives to let Him know I'm not just quoting the psalms...I'm serious. Does anyone else occasionally use profanities when you pray? I hope that's not just me.

Hopefully I'll soon arrive at the peaceful resolution of "yet will I ever praise and trust..."

instead of the current...

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me?" (Psalm 22:1)

HOPE For The FLOWERS

So I'd love to comment some more on World Cup Soccer...but I don't want Gregor to stop visiting my blog. But how about those Black Stars from Ghana?! They are definitely out of the running...but they made a good effort against Brazil in their first-ever WC appearance.

Okay, now on to today's brain fodder. I recently read this little book by Trina Paulus (which takes every bit of thirty minutes) and was captured by the imagery and simplicity. If only I had been supplied with some of this metaphor and language earlier in my journey! (Thanks to JR for introducing me to the story since I missed the opportunity to hear it first-hand from Rick)

The story unfolds with two main characters...Stripe & Yellow. They are both caterpillars and eventually find themselves caught up in the frantic attempt to climb a pillar of caterpillars which reaches up into the clouds. Eventually we find out that the pillars are just meaningless mindless frantic climbing. Yellow discovers the secret of the chrysalis while Stripe ventures off to conquer the pillar once more. Again, Stripe is devastated to find out that at the very top of the pillar awaits nothing of value. And I supposed I shouldn't share this much of the story in case you want to read it for yourself. But the simple point of the story has dealt what might be a final deathblow to my paradigm of ministry and religious activity.

And speaking of "hope"...this word keeps buzzing around my head and into my life...like a majestic winged creature inviting me in to my own chrysalis of transformation.

Here's a tribute to the one who has personnified this word and its cause for a whole community:



Hope : : Elpida
There is a tree that grows on my armIt’s for a friend, an eternal marring of my flesh for his.
A beauty mark, intentional, not God-given
A gift from a friend who speaks beauty through his hands.
A solidarity sign stretched across my skin.
Blood brothers united in heart years ago now visible to all Brothers in arms.
Rooted in Elpida, Lovely leafless limbs smooth and supple as veins
Climb quietly like ivy clinging to skin and bone
Growing toward my heart where he now resides.
This tree grips, grips my arm,
12 leaves for 12 friends coupled, man and wife
12 leaves for the healing of nations
12 leaves for Yahweh wins.

I hope in God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost. Now and Forever I hope.
No ounce of regret not one single ounce.
Yahweh wins.
Yahweh wins.
Yahweh wins.

I pledge allegiance to his cause.

(read at Mark Palmer's memorial service)

World Cup Action

I've never watched an entire soccer match in my life! Suddenly I'm tuning into at least one match per day or setting my DVR to catch the action so I can speed-view it later. (I love DVR by the way...what an efficient way to watch TV)

It's pretty amazing what these guys can do with a soccer ball! As I was watching the Argentina-Mexico encounter of round 2, this Argentinian made an amazing goal. One of his teammates sent him a long pass...he caught it with his torso and settled it just enough to drop it in position and kick a goal before the ball ever touched the ground. It reminded me of the Tiger Woods trick where he's bouncing the ball on his wedge and then swings and connects with the ball as it drops.

It was, of course, disappointing to see USA's inability to really get into any kind of rhythmn...I think it's time for a new coach.

Since soccer was not even offered when I was a kid in school, I just never really appreciated the game until now.

Extreme Decisions

I just have this feeling that some extreme decisions are in our near future...like this extreme decision of a family in Seattle (read about it here). As I think more about social justice, stewardship of our environment, personal economics, and other issues that greatly affect community and neighbor (global or next-door), I am determined to pursue a lifestyle of authenticity and conviction. We have so few moral and biblical convictions in our culture and society. It just makes me want to take a stand...even if it's just for not using so many disposable paper products or lowering our contribution to global warming (which I actually believe is a real problem for the first time in my life).

There are some other extreme decisions which I'll have to post-pone any posts for now...but mega props to the Durning family for making such a radical change of lifestyle for a mostly-good cause (perhaps they wouldn't have made the decision if the 19-year old had not totalled the family car).

I am so curious right now about some of these kinds of decisions which if embraced by a critical mass of people would have huge economic and sustainability effects on families and cultures around the world (like buying fair-trade, eating organic foods, lowering one's indebtedness, etc).

The Allusion of Authenticity

Just had another stirring conversation with a good friend in ministry which proved to be humbling and convicting. It's the second time in a week that ministry peers have accused me of being authentic. The painful reality is that over the past year...my authenticity quotient has dropped severely.

Now I don't mean that to be a completely negative reflection on my current church or ministry affiliation (although a bit of that would be unavoidable after the previous statement). What it actually reflects is my compromise in non-negotiables and core values in ministry. I've neglected to put the necessary boundaries in place to protect my family and my own spiritual and emotional health. Now I'm paying a severe price. And those around me will be hurt in various ways as a result of my conformity.

My extended family has been an amazing encouragement during this time! Kudos to the brothers Bean and my wonderful parents.

Highlander Grogg

So I finally found a nice little coffeeshop here in Beavercreek with decent coffee. And I've been introduced to Highlander Grogg. It's a flavored coffee...but I'm enjoying it anyway. The coffee purist in me is often repulsed by the chemical alteration of the bean's natural flavor...but occasionally, someone stumbles upon a decent combination.

Also, the owner of this little cafe (Pete...not from San Francisco notoriety) has the free wi-fi up and running which is another good draw. The only drawback so far is that there's a TV blaring in the background in place of some good conversation-supporting ambient music of some sort (like Miles Davis, Cold Play, or the sounds of Motown). But if you're in Beavercreek...it's worth a visit (behind McDonald's and beside Papa Johns).

Stirring Conversations

I spent a few days this past week bumping into several friends. Some were old friends from college...some were acquaintances from a good many years in youth ministry. First of all, I must admit that I experienced a certain uneasiness every time a nominal friend in ministry would welcome me back to the fold...expressing their pleasure that I had found my way back to youth ministry.
From the other perspective, I was equally disturbed by the discussions I had with closer friends who expressed some confusion at my recent transition. That has caused me to engage in some very intentional reflection on my journey of recent months and years. In fact, it lead me back into the archives of this blog. From there I can see that my transition from Starbucks back into a traditional setting of youth ministry (in a megachurch no less) made very little sense.

Ouch! The realization of my own blindness and compromise has sent me reeling. Although, if I were to be quite honest...not a day has gone by over the past ten months that I didn't suspect a mistake and error in judgment. That brings me to a precarious spot. Suffice it to say...making the right decision is easier the first time. And clarity is a rarity!

dysfunctional faith

Have you ever had the painful yet liberating experience of encountering your own dysfunctions? That's been happening for me in spiritual ways over the past few months. If I understand the dynamics of dysfuntion...it basically provides some definition for the destructive or unhealthy ways in which we may have been conditioned to live and relate to others.

Well, I'm finding that I learned some fairly unhealthy ways of relating to God. I don't think there was any intentional misguiding...just a lack of guidance. And that's not to say that I didn't have supportive, Christian parenting...because I did. And I was brought up in the church, circumcised on the eighth day (or even before), a Nazarene of Nazarenes! But therein lies one of my main issues. In the absence of a mentor or spiritual guide...the institution of the church became my mentor. Thus in a substantially unhealthy way, my growth as a Christian and in relationship with God became completely intertwined with my activity and participation in the church (local and beyond).

I have a feeling there are many who could claim this sort of "dysfunction" because it is probably the natural process to follow in the absence of intentional mentoring and discipleship. Now at this stage of my life and ministry...I am having to relearn some basic ways of relating to God. No longer can I skate by on the activities and duties of ministry and church life...hoping that the spiritual formation will happen as a natural by-product of preparing to share the gospel with others. The "being" MUST precede the "doing!" My contentment and satisfaction must be completely rolled up in the person of Christ and not attached to anything else.