So Sunday mornings continue to be a struggle. I just sit through a service at a church where I'm just not "getting it" which we drove for 30 minutes to get to. Every minute is so predictable because it's the same cookie cutter, new-start, "with-it" Nazarene program. People are not engaged...musically or homiletically. It's not that the leadership is bad or the people aren't sincere...I just feel like after 13 years of being on the "inside" of such a church-event...we're missing the point.
As I walk down the hallway and say good morning to someone...she just looked back down at her feet like I didn't exist. Yeah...grace-filled relationships and community...people aren't quite catching on.
And while I'm sitting through the service with a mental critique list compounding...everyone else seems to get it and go for it and enjoy it(including my family). Again, as I've said before...perhaps it's me. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's me (to some extent). And when conversationally cornered or forced to explain what I don't "get" or what I disagree with...all I attempt to articulate comes out like "well...it just doesn't seem relevant (blah, blah, blah)...it seems like an alternate reality that we've created which exists in near total isolation from the rest of our lives (blah, blah, blah)...it's so self-centered and devoid of compassion, justice, and mercy (blah, blah, blah)...
I'm beating my head against the wall...literally!
6 comments:
10am Sundays, corner of Mills and Carter, Norwood. Come on down.
"As I walk down the hallway and say good morning to someone...she just looked back down at her feet like I didn't exist. Yeah...grace-filled relationships and community...people aren't quite catching on." I love you, Chris, and so I remind you that there are hurting people in our churches who are so wounded they physically can't look anyone in the eye. Grace-filled relationships and community are so rare most people don't know how to act when Grace is extended to them.
I hear you and, you're right, it is you. But its not just you. It's both...you and the people around you. Makes it difficult to address let alone fix. All I can say is that I think you have to go through this place to get some new perspective, even if everyone around you isn't "getting it."
chris, you know my story. you know who i am and what my passions are.
You also know that I have committed myself to staying within this wreck that is the Bride. I've committed to it because I know it isn't any better elsewhere. People are people...and I'm finding that while one place may seem better than another, there are always the same people everywhere you go.
Certainly I'd be glad to give up a lot of the things I don't like about my local congregation to be a part of a place like the gathering in Norwood.
But I'd be giving up on the idea that there is hope for those people in my congregation. If I don't see them engaging in what I believe is honest community, then how am I convincing them that is necessary by leaving? My view of intimacy and community then becomes something that only occurs with people I want it to occur with.
I know this sounds overly critical, but I guess I see fellow Nazarenes whose eyes are opened dropping away en masse. I'm not ready to give up. It feels like it sometimes when so many are giving up around me.
I don't really have anything else to say. This isn't anything I haven't expressed before to others or to you. I just hope we'll begin to see this as a way...a more difficult way surely....but a way to accomplish what before we thought impossible.
Chris,
Long time without speaking with you at length but I want you to know that "I get it." I understand your grief, frustration, and hopelessness with the church. Perhaps I should say that I understand your experience only to a certain depth. I have not worked at a church like you have, but you and I share many common thoughts and perspectives.
I appreciate what Brandon said because I am in the same boat as he. I, too, am frustrated with what the "church" is doing because it seems as though it is doing everything except acting as the church. HOWEVER, if people like you and I and Brandon do not remain in the church, how will those in the church see things from our perspective? In my opinion, the Lord has put these people and relationships in my life and it is my task/job/responsibility to open their eyes to what church should be.
I love you brother.
Chris, your words sound quite familiar and your feelings must be close kin - Jesus talking to His disciples on more than one occasion, and realizing they didn't get it either! It certainly wasn't the company they kept, and it couldn't have been that the Teacher couldn't communicate. I have a feeling that the same kind of attitude that is so prevalent in the church today is close if not identical to the attitude of Jesus' closest earthly companions. You're right - it should be different! And we know it can be. But the difference to be made is up to us - as we are filled with the Holy Spirit and abandoned to Him. That should be the "norm" in all churches, but unfortunately it isn't. However, if our churches are filled with fully devoted followers of Christ, where are the spiritually destitute? Isn't the church (not the building) actively engaged in reaching out to them? Of course the "them" is not always "them..." sometimes it is "us!"
Greg, Brandon, Matt and others who may not have commented are right. This "Bride" we call the church is far from perfect, but Jesus loved her (us) so much He gave himself not only to redeem but to sanctify her. And it can only be a monogamous relationship - there's no place for any other gods (or extra-marital affairs). There's plenty of room for improvement in the way we express ourselves within this fellowship of believers, but thank God, His love (mercy and grace) far exceed our failings and our need.
Frustrating? Absolutely! Hopeless? Absolutely NOT! With all of our "warts," bruises and disfigurements, after 61 years in the church, I would do it all over again. What would Jesus do in your situation? He did it already - He did not abandon His disciples (the church), even when they abandoned him. Instead, He gave His life. "I am crucified with Christ..."
I love you more than I love my own life, and I pray for you daily. You are being tried and tested. Hold steady, and when you have no strength to hold on, just rest in Him. If you will stay true, you will come through the Refiner's fire.
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